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【Personal Growth and Transformation】
Author: Bella
1 Frustration is frequent
In life, setbacks are inevitable. No matter what age or environment you are in, you will always encounter things that make you frustrated, sad, and annoyed.
Everyone's setbacks are different. But there is one frustration that everyone experiences – negative comments from others. To be more specific, it is to ridicule, attack, and deny.
You like to play the piano in your heart, but your family says that you have no talent and that playing the piano is not suitable for you;
When you get into trouble at work, your colleagues make fun of you for being "uninformed" and "incompetent";
You study clothing, fitness and weight loss, and friends say that you are rustic and delay your efforts.
How to deal with blows and ridicule is an important lesson.
Let me share two stories with you.
A story about Zhou Xun.
The public's evaluation of Zhou Xun has always been a "talented player". She has beautiful appearance, delicate facial features, and her eyes can speak. There is an aura in the performance, and whoever plays is whom.
But you know what? is such an "elf actor" who was chased by God to enjoy food, and before he became famous, he was also belittled.
In the variety show "Nice to Meet You", Zhou Xun said that when she was not famous, she was publicly ridiculed by a mentor and said: "Your appearance is nothing more than that, you can only play a maid, but become a real heroine, and you will never be famous." ”
But Zhou Gongzi was not convinced, and immediately said in his heart: "I want to show you!" "This performance is 30 years.
Another story is about Zheng Yuanjie.
People born in the 80s and 90s grew up in the story of the fairy tale king. We like him to be whimsical and maverick, but not everyone is like that.
When she was in school, Zheng Yuanjie changed the title to "Early Birds Are Eaten by Birds" because she had a different opinion on the essay title "Early Birds Are Eaten by Birds". The teacher was very angry and asked him to stand on the podium and read aloud: "Zheng Yuanjie is the most unpromising person." ”
In 1977, the college entrance examination system was restored, and Zheng Yuan's girlfriend's parents asked their daughter to persuade him to take the college entrance examination, but he did not agree. The girl's brother said to the girl: "Believe my brother, my brother is very accurate to men, Zheng Yuanjie is a fool, you won't be able to do anything if you follow him." "This is the end of a relationship.
After becoming famous, Zheng Yuanjie was invited to attend a writers' conference. A well-known professor said in public that he wrote a monthly magazine by himself, which was really "unbelievable", and said, "If he can write it for two years, I will write his name upside down." As a result, Zheng Yuanjie's "Fairy Tale King" took 36 years to write.
2 Bore is not always there
You see, even if they are as talented as Zhou Xun and Zheng Yuanjie, they will still encounter ridicule, sarcasm, and belittling.
You must know that whether you have the ability or not, whether you can succeed, and what others think of you, is not completely and necessarily connected.
Because what your ability is and what the future will be is your business; What others think of you depends on their vision, their thinking, and their experiences.
"Maxima often has, but Bole does not often have", we are all familiar with this saying. Have you ever thought about the reason why "Maxima often exists" and "Bole does not often exist"?
Maxima is often there because there are not a few talented and talented people. In fact, everyone has their own unique talents and strengths, although not everyone can become famous and have a family, but these talents and strengths can allow you to live your own wonderful life.
But Bole is very difficult to have.
First of all, since Bole can recognize Maxima, it means that he has enough knowledge and experience, he must have excellent vision, unique thinking, and be good at discovering things that others can't discover. At the same time, he must be open-minded and tolerant. This kind of mind allows him to see things through appearances, and when others think that they are "ordinary" or even "very bad", he can still see those different things. He even needs to be able to discern potential and abilities that Maxima himself is not aware of through Maxima's wails and roars.
You see, this is a very high requirement for people who look at people, ability, knowledge, and mind are indispensable. But there are very few people who can have these elements at the same time in life.
Secondly, "Bole" means that this person can not only discover the strengths of others, but also appreciate and recognize the strengths of others and help others succeed. In fact, there are many people who can realize the strengths of others. However, when most people see the merits of others, they will not be happy for others, they will not appreciate them from the bottom of their hearts, but they will envy them, they will want to look up to them, and they will think about why they have not been able to have them. Even darker, some people will be afraid, afraid that this person will be too powerful and rob them of their own interests and resources. Or they are jealous, deliberately sabotage, make stumbling blocks, speak ill of others, attack others, and shake their confidence.
From this, we can learn the lesson of not seeking approval.
This lesson is very different from our previous experiences and desires.
In our familiar understanding, we need to be encouraged and supported by others, and the praise and appreciation of others can be used as a motivation for us to move forward.
Actually, at a young age, or when you're just starting to do something, it's true. Because at that time, we were still young and did not have enough strength to support us in faith and consciousness to support us to move forward, and we did not have enough wisdom to judge whether we should go on or not. At this time, external assistance is particularly important.
But you have to know that the purpose of the assistance is that we can walk independently, and the goal of the assistance is that one day we can be free from the assistance.
If we reach a certain age, when we can take responsibility, distinguish between right and wrong, and fulfill our wishes independently, but still expect motivation from others, then this motivation becomes harmful.
If outside recognition can make you better, then outside belittlement can also ruin you. How you succeed because of the encouragement of others will fail because of the blows of others. If you base yourself on the evaluation of the outside world, you can only become the person in the eyes of others.
3 Know who you are
Saying this doesn't mean that you have to reject praise and criticism from others, it doesn't mean that we don't listen to what others say is good or bad, but it does mean that we don't base our faith on it.
Your foundation should be that you are clearly aware of who you are and what you want to do.
is like Zhou Xun, she knows that she is an actor, so she has to act well; Just like Zheng Yuanjie, if he wants to write a book, he will write a book according to his own wishes.
Your motivation depends on who you are, or to put it more precisely, on your perception of who you are.
By grounding your faith in an unshakable rock, you can know yourself and others through the words of others.
This way, when others say hello, you won't be complacent, and you won't think you're like what others say. A good evaluation may be a confirmation of your self-perception, or it may be because others don't really know you yet.
When people say you're bad, you won't be upset. You may be able to see your own shortcomings from negative evaluations, or you may be able to see through the other person's purpose from the belittlement of others.
In this way, in the evaluation of the outside world, you are a free person. A free person will not be bound by the evaluation of the outside world, but will be guided by his own heart to do what he wants to do and should do.
I hope we can all have this peace of mind and freedom!
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