I am Qin Lijuan, I am 66 years old this year, and I have enjoyed the pension life in my son's home for nine years. During this long period of time, my son and daughter-in-law and I have always maintained harmony, and there have never been major disputes, let alone any quarrels. You may be wondering, why are we able to maintain such harmonious relationships? I have summarized six experiences with each other:
First, maintain a sense of personal boundaries
My daily activities are usually limited to three places: the bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen. The bedroom of my son and daughter-in-law, I hardly set foot in, only calling them at the door when necessary. Even if no one is at home, I will never trespass into their private area to view or organize things without permission. Even the living room, although I have lived in it for nine years, I have hardly sat on the sofa in the living room. It may sound rusty and informal, but in reality, it's about respecting the personal space of family members, even if we live under the same roof, we remain independent. There are also some small details of life, such as:
1. If my daughter-in-law puts fruits or snacks in the refrigerator, I will ask her in advance if she allows me to eat them. If she says it's for my grandson, I will resolutely not touch it.
2. After using the toilet, I will definitely rinse and check whether there is any dirt splashed outside, if there is, I will clean it immediately. After washing my face and brushing my teeth in the morning, I check the sink countertop for water stains, and if so, I wipe it down.
3. There are a lot of cosmetics on my daughter-in-law's dressing table, sometimes she goes out in a hurry and has time to tidy up in the future, but I never help her sort it out. These small details of life reflect a "sense of boundaries" and a "sense of respect".
Secondly, do not interfere with the education of grandchildren
My little grandson is six years old and very naughty. When my daughter-in-law is educating her children, I will never interrupt or talk too much. Sometimes the little grandson will disobey, and the daughter-in-law will even physically punish him, but I will never stop him because of distress. Some other examples include:
1. If my daughter-in-law does not allow the child to eat sugar, I will never buy sugar for the child to eat.
2. If my daughter-in-law stipulates that the child cannot watch cartoons, I will never let the child watch it when she is not at home.
3. If the daughter-in-law says that boys are afraid of heat and should not wear too much clothing, I will never forcibly add clothes to the child. I understand that in the education of my grandchildren, my role is only to assist, not supervise.
Third, privacy and generosity
1. Regarding money, I keep it secret.
Although I live in my son's house, I still have my own savings, but I never disclose the exact amount to my son and daughter-in-law. They only know that I have money, but they don't know how much I have. I still have a house in my hometown, and the title deed is also kept by me, and no one knows. These are my back-ups and support.
2. Despite my rigorous rhetoric, I am not stingy.
When I go out, I will pay for snacks with my grandchildren, and I will not go home to my daughter-in-law to reimburse me. During the festival, I will give red envelopes to my grandchildren, especially on important holidays such as birthdays and Spring Festival, and the amount of red envelopes I give is at least 6,000 yuan.
Fourth, eccentricity
At home, I have always tended to favor, especially daughters-in-law.
1. Whether my son and daughter-in-law quarrel or not, whether it is my son's fault or not, I will always criticize my son.
2. In terms of cooking, I prefer to make dishes that my daughter-in-law likes, and if I can't do it, I will look up and learn on the Internet.
3. When we travel together and come back, even if there is no gift from my son, I will always bring back the gift to my daughter-in-law. ......
Although my daughter-in-law is not my biological daughter, I think I can't criticize or educate her too much, and I must show my favoritism more.
Fifth, enthusiastic support
If the daughter-in-law suggests: "Mom, don't cook today, let's go out and eat." ”
I would never respond, "Go ahead, I'm not going." Or, "Go out and eat and waste money." ”
Instead, I would actively promise: "Okay, I just don't want to cook today, so let's go out and eat." ”
When eating out, no matter what the kids order, I never care about the price or waste. The most important thing is to see them happy.
If my daughter-in-law invites me to try something new, I will be happy to participate and not refuse. The daughter-in-law is keen on online shopping and likes to buy toys and clothes for her children...
Whenever she needs me to come up with an idea for her, asking me which one is better, I carefully analyze the pros and cons of each option. If she still can't decide, I usually suggest, "Then buy them all." ”
No matter how much courier my daughter-in-law buys, I will not criticize her, because I understand that it is not only hers, but also what the family and children need.
Sixth, learn to remain silent
The children are adults and are able to discuss and decide on their own.
When they discuss family matters, I will only speak up if they need my opinion.
If not asked, I usually pretend to be deaf and dumb.
I will not constantly exhort, educate or criticize them. Children already have their own values and judgment. I know that too much interference will not make them willing to listen to advice.
The above six points summarize my experience when I was at my son's home for the elderly. When you are old, if you can't provide shelter for your children, try your best to create a warm home for them and not bring conflicts to the family.
Finally, I wish older people around the world wealth, leisure, health and a decent old age.