On October 11, Dong Yuhui, who finally went on the air after more than ten days of vacation, shared with us a knee-jerking conversation he had with his brother after he got married.
Compared with the confused him on the hot search list, this time Yuhui has definitely regained face, his wisdom, calmness, and transparency do not look like an unmarried boy at all.
After we listened, we only envied his brother, and now we will share and pass him on in the live broadcast room.
Teacher Dong Yuhui's self-report part
I was going to take my family out during the holidays, but my brother just got married, so I wasn't in a crowded place.
So I took my brother and his lover to find a secluded mountain for a few days.
Because I know that an older couple I respect will show up.
Of the people I've met, they're a perfect couple.
I want my brother to see what the ideal husband and wife relationship looks like?
Most people may not be able to do it, but after you see a good example, you know how to cultivate.
Many people say that falling in love is getting along with a person's strengths, and getting married is getting along with his weaknesses.
In fact, no, the advantages are also him, and the disadvantages are also him.
The advantage may be that he pretended it, but it was also him who pretended to be. The shortcomings may expose his true self, and that is also him.
Because many people only go all out to please when they are in love, fully show their advantages, and once they get married, they regard it as the end of their lives.
It's like: "After the final exam, who will review?" "In the eyes of those people, studying is for exams, and falling in love is about getting married.
No! In fact, getting married is the beginning of a new stage in your life.
So I was very serious at the time, because I wanted my brother and his lover to have a very good relationship.
I know that there are not many experiences in life that can really bring you long-term and strong good emotions.
What makes you especially happy for the rest of your life?
A job that satisfies you is probably one, but often more important than work is a very good family relationship. ”
People can't be like they've never seen before, and what you see, you will most likely learn.
Why do we say that the family is the best place for education and parents are the best teachers?
Because what the elders embody, there is a high probability that the child will learn something.
For example, many people feel that they have worked hard all their lives, and then left enough living capital for future generations.
There are even people who do things that may not be particularly right for this.
However, if that is the case, the wealth you leave behind will not last long, because in your child's cognition, money is to take risks, money is to harm others and self-interest, and money is to be deceived.
Such values cannot cultivate true aristocracy, so they do not last long.
Returning to this topic, I am very fortunate to meet a few more intelligent friends, as well as some friends I met in my hometown.
Why did I ask my brother and his lover to get to know this couple two days ago, I want them to see what the more perfect kind of husband and wife relationship looks like?
I rarely see people who have been married for many years with glowing eyes and smiles on their faces when they refer to their significant other.
Do you praise your partner or your spouse in public? This is an important test standard.
Whether or not you appreciate him is very important in maintaining the relationship.
Of course, there are several potential premises here: no one is perfect, as long as you come into contact with it, you find that everyone has shortcomings.
She used to be an ungrounded little fairy, or he used to be the prince charming in your mind, after approaching, you find that this person also grinds his teeth, farts, snores, and dreams, people are not perfect, so you have to look at the merits of people.
Some people say, "When you are in love, it is all advantages, and after marriage, it is all disadvantages."
It is also possible that when getting along, he is trying his best to please you and is showing all his goodness.
However, after marriage, lying flat, that is, what we say is called and do not pretend.
Actually, it's not right.
Good feelings, not requirements and bondage, hey, I'm your husband, so how are you going to be, I'm your wife, so how are you going to be.
That marriage contract is actually not a bondage, it is more a contract between two people, a covenant, to cultivate each other.
I wanted my brother to be happy all his life, and then I learned that one of the few happy things in his life was actually his lover.
Therefore, I want him to know how he should get along with people in a perfect marriage relationship, this is the mentality of an older brother.
I hope he is doing well, so I want him to see the kind of two people who get along perfectly in marriage.
There are not many such cases, so that every time I talk about how people get along with each other on the screen, many friends will say with a kind of mentality:
"Hey, Dong Yuhui, you are still young, say such things, you will know when you get married."
Indeed, the vast majority of people do not enjoy the joy and sweetness of that emotion in their lives, so they always feel that they do not exist.
Yes! Seeing the other's goodness in the eyes and not requiring the other party to be a perfect person is first of all rational.
I think the idol dramas we watched when we were children were actually harmful and poisonous. Because there are a lot of girls there:
I just have to be a little fool, I can be clumsy, right?
I can be silly and sweet, I can inadvertently hurt the emotions of misunderstanding many people, but as long as I am stubborn and persistent enough, even if I am stupid and sweet.
But the other person will always be tolerant of me and love me.
This is a very shameless view of love.
At the same time, it also misleads a lot of boys, thinking that a boy seems to be favored by each other as long as he is overbearing president, but in fact this is very stupid, right?
So learning love from a book is actually very silly, you have to see it in reality.
So I asked my brother to go:
First of all, to see a person, even if he is successful in the real world and successful in his own work, he will still mention his lover with a smile in his eyes, and when he sees him, his eyes shine.
That kind of envy, that kind of heartfelt praise, is to praise your lover in public, he is proud of you, and you are proud of him.
The second is to really see each other's goodness, rather than entangled in each other's imperfections, because people are not sages, and there are imperfections in all aspects.
Third, some people say that there is no good point after marriage, or it is possible that he is not flattering.
His unflattering premise can cause problems for both people, to express and communicate in time, you have to please her, and she also goes to please you.
It's not that as long as you're married, you don't do anything. You also don't cultivate yourself, don't demand yourself, and then you blindly ask her to pay to you, she tolerates you, you require that the children are all brought by him, she does all the housework, and you can only earn money.
This is not right, this concept is actually very backward.
What we want to build is communism, do you know what the highest ideal of communism is?
is allocated on demand. By need, not desire. Allocate as much as you can.
I think a small family is a small communism, and you do more what you are good at.
However, you also have to contribute to the family's cause.
Then, what does on-demand allocation mean? It means that there is a negotiation between the two of you, there is a retreat and a advance. There is a tacit understanding.
You have time to do it, you do it, he has time and he does it. You have the ability to do more, he has the ability to do more. Everyone has something they are good at, why do many people argue for more, because he feels that it is unfair, and people only begin to argue more and less when they are unfair.
Another is that you have to continue to practice.
Why do you see that many people can only share suffering?
It is that the spiritual resonance between two people is becoming less and less. There are two reasons for this.
The first is that the other party does not cultivate himself, and then one person goes higher and farther, and there is no communication between them, so they naturally part ways. I talk to you like a chicken and a duck, right? You are always repeating yesterday's story.
But one of the main reasons behind this is the lack of communication between the two people.
I only have a few long-term friends around me, and they all have one thing in common, that is, they will respect their lover and partner very much.
They would often have family meetings and two people with a glass of wine or a cup of tea and chat until midnight.
I think that the person who respects the lover must be a person of integrity.
As long as you keep a lot of communication with him, you talk to him about your ideas, you tell him about your difficulties, you tell him about your situation, he is out of love, he will understand you and respect you, right?
One of the premise of many drifting away is that because I don't talk about it, I am such a person, I just don't talk about it. I just don't usually speak, so in fact, my shortcomings are obvious.
And then I'm going to share with them a point, I said you have to develop a common hobby.
The resonance of people in the short term depends on super understanding, but in the long term, there must be a common hobby.
If this one goes home and plays mahjong all the time, and that one goes fishing all the time during the holidays, there must be very little common between the two of you, because he does things you don't approve of, and he doesn't understand what you do.
Exactly the couple I know. All their free time is basically practicing words together, drinking tea together, and reciting together, and they have a lot of time together.
I used to give him an example, I said that Tang Xuanzong met Yang Yuhuan, who is in his 20s, why did he die and live in love? Because he likes to sing, then Yang Yuhuan happens to be good at singing and dancing.
A common hobby is actually a very important premise and method for two people to go further together.
That means that when you develop a lot of hobbies, you have to consider whether the other person can fit in?
Several men all drank, chatted, and punched each other bare-chested when the holidays arrived. Then your lover will definitely not be able to join you.
You have to look for time spent together with two people who can spend quality company.
So I said a lot about it, and said that it felt like I was married.
This is the heart of a simple older brother, wishing him a smooth and happy life.
Another is to sometimes surprise the other party.
Didn't I send dumplings at home two days ago, and then someone left a message in my comment area and said: "Yuhui, you have nothing to do in the future to send more of this delicacy, my daughter-in-law will make dumplings for me at home these two days."
And I said, "Received, what else do you want to eat lately?"
He's happy, right? I'm happy if I have some common thread between them because of some of my behavior.
Second, in fact, I think this big brother can still do one thing, you have time you can prepare her a meal she likes, she is absolutely very impressed.
The resonance between you is more and more, you have to take the initiative to create this surprise, you have to take a step forward, you can't stand still.
I am this indifferent and then lazy, petty, arrogant and sensitive, I am terrible, not changing at all, not cultivating at all, but I ask you to always love me as much as you did at the beginning,
Nerve B, what are you doing?
I actually give a piece of advice to many parents, but this advice is not understood by everyone, and many people even think that it is very wrong.
I said, "Don't put all your energy into children, many children have difficulties in their lives that actually come from a discordant family."
You spend part of your energy on cultivating yourself, you love your partner, and then 1/3 of your energy is given to the child. You give all your energy to the child, he can't stand it!
Anna Karenina has a saying: When a love bears everything so heavy that it cannot withstand any blowing and blowing, the love is doomed to failure.
Home education is the same, put all your energy into managing the children, you must be very uncomfortable.
At this time, a friend asked: "Do you know so much, can you live this life well?"
Yuhui said: "Not necessarily. So I say that the few who can be happy in marriage are the few, you think so, the other party has to think so, you show an emotion, he has to understand your emotion. ”
Many people actually can't do it, and once I find that there is no resonance, I quickly do not contact, quickly withdraw, that is, do not consume myself too much, try to find people who resonate with you more.
Then, even if you are married, you must continue to cultivate and always be full of charm in his eyes, because a good relationship is never a constraint and bondage, but attraction. If you bloom, butterflies come. It's just that you've always been accompanied by a butterfly.
Another is to cultivate common interests so that the two of you have quality time together, a lot of communication, so that he understands your ideas.
In family matters, each according to his ability, each according to his needs. The family is small socialism, the small is communism, who has time to do it, who has the ability to do more, but by no means shake the palm cabinet, feel married, so there is no need to curry favor in love, you are definitely not happy in life.
You see a group of unmarried children listening here, and in the end my brother said:
Brother, these three o'clock, my wife is sleepy. Again, this is the sixth time, I can silently write it for you.
Editor's impression
I never expected this ending, originally I had a lot of realization, but I forgot most of it with a smile.
Anyway, it was an older brother's blessing to his younger brother, and he told his younger brother all the truth and understanding he had learned.
The example of the beautiful marital relationship he met was also introduced to his younger brother.
With the role model, the causes and solutions to the problems that may be encountered in the middle are also there, so let this pair of newcomers practice together.
I hope that Yuhui will also encounter such a beautiful marriage, and I hope that all friends who see this article can also cultivate and believe in the power of belief.
You have to believe that there will be a happy marriage, and you have to believe that you can also have this happiness through cultivation.
#秋日生活打卡季#