Young people don't fall in love, old people go crazy on blind dates
Author | South Wind Window reporter Monet
Young people do not fall in love and do not get married, and it seems to be a trend in East Asia, especially Japan.
In recent years, many Japanese film and television dramas have strengthened this public perception, such as "Miss Freckles Who Reluctant to Fall in Love" and "Two People Who Can't Fall in Love". The former protagonist is a 30-year-old single woman who has never been in love, cannot have a love affair with others, and has no sexual desire. The latter also explores sexual relations that have nothing to do with love and sex.
The flip side of young people's low demand for love and marriage is the decline in society's overall fertility rate. This has become a common issue in Japanese and Korean society, and there have been significant changes in China in recent years.
Interestingly, in Japan, the elderly have started crazy blind dates in recent years, and the local booming elderly blind date industry has been born. Under the trend, it is the elderly Japanese who are celibate and Dinker in their old age, who decide to turn their lives around.
A still from "Two People Who Can't Love Each Other"
Young people do not fall in love, and old people go crazy on blind dates, as if two overlapping parallel time and space, which can be described as a unique social landscape.
However, Japanese society is a typical example, and at first, it is a highly aging and declining birthrate, and it was once an East Asian country that led the Dinker trend, and it is the "experience service" of many other societies. Secondly, the Japanese government, media and academia have also observed and studied the elderly group relatively richly. What is worth pondering behind this social landscape?
01
Hope in old age
"Akane Club" is the name of a matchmaking agency operated by the Japan Health Management Agency, and blind date activities are becoming increasingly active here. In January 2023, the number of people who came to consult about their intention to join increased by 20% compared to three years ago.
Here, the average age of male members is 59 and female is 57.
Kentaro Kawakami, General Manager in charge of the operations of each business unit, said, "It has been more than 60 years since the establishment of [matchmaking], and in recent years, the attention paid by the elderly to blind date activities has increased. ”
A still from "The Fruit of Life"
According to the Japan Economic News report, with the increase in the number of single elderly people and the popularity of marriage apps, more and more single elderly people do not reject professional services for marriage, and hope to find a partner who can spend the rest of their lives together, "increasing the thickness of life".
"I've had enough of living alone and want to enjoy the peace of mind of living with my partner in the future," said Toru Shizu, 63, who started going on a blind date last November. He divorced in his 30s, was busy with work and didn't plan to start a new family, but when he was planning to renovate his house a year ago, he suddenly felt lonely.
There are many elderly people like Shizu Toru, they will check the resumes on the membership website, and they will also accept the introduction of marriage consultants, and the entrance fee, monthly membership fee, making a resume and taking photos need to give money, which add up to 300,000 yen (nearly 15,000 yuan), and many elderly people have a relatively abundant retirement pension in old age, so this money is completely affordable for them.
Nishikawa, a 78-year-old man who lives in Chiba Prefecture, was once an elite trading company and had three children who each formed a new family, but the only regret was that his wife was defeated by illness and left him alone.
His wife is a person who brings excitement and warmth to the home, and whenever he goes out, he gently tells him to "be careful on the road", and when he returns home, he cares about the day's work, and Nishikawa hopes to regain these warm memories.
So, he announced to his family that he would go to the marriage agency to sign up for a blind date, and did not want to become an elderly person who needed to be taken care of. After more than a dozen blind date experiences, he found love, got along well with each other, and respected each other's life, which made him feel very happy.
Among these blind date elderly groups, there are many celibates and Dinkers who have persisted for most of their lives, and in their later years, they begin to doubt and deviate from their original choices.
"See Nara Again" stills
In 2017, Japan established "Love Bank", a company specializing in blind date services for the elderly, and five years after its establishment, it has more than 10,000 members, of which more than 80% are over 60 years old. Nowadays, every month, Love Bank will hold multiple elderly blind date activities, each with hundreds of participants.
Misako Nakamura, founder of "Love Bank," said that many of the members are first-generation Dinkers. They chose not to marry or have children because they felt they would be able to enjoy life more freely. But over time, they find themselves missing a lot.
Data from Japan in 2022 shows that 1 in 4 men and 1 in 6 women in Japan will be single for life; And, there is still a lot of room for upside in this number.
Young people who do not want to get married on the one hand, and middle-aged and elderly people who are actively blind dates, two social landscapes that reflect the dual nature of Japanese society.
02
Old man on a blind date
In the actual blind date activities, the requests made by the old people are also quite interesting. Tachimatsu Kiyoe who serves as the public relations of the Akari Association is quite experienced, he believes that many elderly blind date requirements, but still stay in the values of youth, such as men want each other to take care of their own daily life, women care about income and other external conditions, Tatamatsu Kiyoe concluded, "The requirements cannot be improved, otherwise it will reduce the chance of understanding and encountering, and the most important thing is to prioritize character." ”
Interestingly, Junichi Ikeda, president of Love Silver Hair Club, also mentioned, "Many male members want to find a partner who can help with household chores, but female members want to be freed from these chores, and they are even more respectful of families who are looking for helpers." ”
Japanese writer Yuri Shinoto recorded the various experiences and considerations encountered by many elderly people in their book "Documentary Report: Silver Hair Marriage". For example, they will worry about whether they will encounter marital fraud, even if they really love each other, they cannot escape the opinions of their children, property distribution and other practical factors.
A still from "The Fruit of Life"
A daughter who opposed her father's remarriage said: "It is really difficult to predict what the marriage of the elderly will look like, and the issue of care after old age must be considered. ”
In addition to the various practical considerations of both sides and children, the elderly come out on blind dates, and it is difficult for them to escape the scrutiny of society. A 64-year-old uncle said, "If I say things like 'I'm looking for a marriage partner' or 'I'm lonely' at the gym, I'll just be treated as an old man." ”
Whether it is practical factors or social vision, it has brought layers of vague obstacles to silver-haired blind relatives.
In addition to decent single elderly people, there is a group in Japan called "indecent old people", and this label does not refer to those who are morally flawed, but people who live out of the mainstream.
The term "lowly elderly" comes from the 2015 book of the same name by Japanese sociologist Takanori Fujita, and refers to elderly people with low incomes, insufficient savings, and loneliness. They find themselves not only unable to enjoy retirement when they reach an age, but can only sell their physical strength to do some jobs that are not as profitable as before, exacerbating "old age poverty".
Like the above-mentioned blind date costs and follow-up dating costs, it is not a small expense for the elderly, and it is even more out of reach for low-income elderly people.
Over the past 40 years, the rate of people aged 65 and over living alone in Japan has jumped from 8.3% in 1980 to 19% (2020). Even worse is the Tokyo Metropolitan Government (26.1%), which means that 1 in 4 elderly people live alone. According to population data available in more than 130 countries around the world, the average rate of living alone is about 14%.
About 5-10% of the elderly in Japan are classy
In order to solve the problem of the elderly living alone, governments across Japan have also made great efforts. Yamagata Prefecture is the most straightforward, offering subsidies of up to 800,000 yen when building new homes for families living together of three generations.
In addition, Yamagata Prefecture has placed various public service advertisements and held cultural events such as photography to promote the happy life brought by living with the elderly. For the taro boiling party held in the autumn, the participation condition is that you must bring the elderly who live with you.
In Shiga Prefecture, Japan, where the rate of living alone is low, the local government provides blind date opportunities through the "Love Cultivation Project Support Group" program formed with local companies and NPOs (non-profit organizations).
Fukui Prefecture has also run a blind date program such as the "Fukui Marriage Support Council". Two years ago, they also introduced artificial intelligence to help the elderly find their favorite spouses more precisely. In addition, Fukui continued Yamagata Prefecture's policy of distributing money, subsidizing the construction and renovation of houses living together for three generations, up to 600,000 yen.
Japanese people know that it is not easy to increase the number of family members as the birthrate decreases and the aging population increases.
03
East Asians, what's wrong
Statistics on the dynamics of the Japanese population show that in 2000, the number of people over 65 years old who registered marriages was about 7,800; By 2015, it had almost doubled to 14,500 people, and there were many people living together outside the statistics.
Not only in Japan, middle-aged and elderly blind dates are gradually becoming popular in East Asian countries.
In recent years, there are also some middle-aged and elderly blind date programs in China that have become popular, different from the implicit ambiguity of young people's blind dates, elderly blind date programs have no routines, and the opening scene is housing, salary, social security, pension, and physical health.
Such as Jilin Satellite TV's "It's Not Too Late" and Heilongjiang Satellite TV's "Blind Date and Love". Liaoning Satellite TV's "Love's Choice" also focuses on blind dates for sixty or seventy-year-old people, in one of the programs, an uncle wants to choose one of the five female guests who fits the eye, but the uncle waved his hand after seeing their photos and said "no".
Screenshot of the program "It's Not Too Late"
Unexpectedly, the aunts in the audience were not happy, and one aunt directly replied in front of the camera: "Are you a young man in his 20s?" Pick so much, Zheng'er Ba will get it after a few days. Do you want to look good, look for you? Less than one meter seven, what is 3,000 yuan for? ”
Another aunt's statement was more rational, saying that both sides need respect and can not be optimistic about themselves, but "the way you talk to the male guest makes us unacceptable."
These blind date shows all ushered in a peak in ratings, because young viewers expressed their liking for the directness and cheerfulness of blind dates for the elderly. These old people who have experienced many vicissitudes are crisp and neat, expressing their needs directly and crisply, which is completely different from the twisting and pinching that people imagine.
Among these elderly people who are busy with blind dates, some are widowed, some are divorced, and many are forced or actively celibate so far.
Screenshot of the program "It's Not Too Late"
In this trend in Japan, a larger proportion of the elderly actively chose celibacy and Dink, and they revised their original choice in their later years because of their own circumstances. From an outsider's point of view, it's interesting.
On one side are young people who do not want to get married, and on the other hand, there are elderly people who are busy with blind dates, as if they are two different times and spaces, overlapping in one society.
04
Today for the elderly, tomorrow for the young
Low fertility has become common in East Asia, where China's total fertility rate fell to 1.09 in 2022, making it one of the "ultra-low-fertility" countries.
South Korea, as early as 2018, was "famous" for the world's lowest total fertility rate of 0.98, becoming the first country in the world to enter the "zero era" fertility rate, that is, on average, every South Korean woman of childbearing age has less than one child.
Behind this, the increasing pressure of survival among young people has given rise to more common choices - not to have children, not to get married, or even not to fall in love.
A still from "Miss Freckles Who Reluctant to Fall in Love"
Some of the dilemmas behind the choices of the two age groups are similar. Today's decline in the fertility rate of young people has led to a more severe decline in birthrate and aging. Family pressures in ageing societies, in turn, exacerbate the trend towards infertility and create a vicious circle.
In Japan, old age is also becoming increasingly stretched. Japan's basic pension averages 65,000 yen (about 3,900 yuan) per month, but prices have soared, the cost of living has risen, and many regions, such as Tokyo, have the highest consumption level in the world.
In the news of Japanese society, it has been revealed from time to time that some elderly people have miserable old age and have to commit crimes and go to prison in order to "live for free". With the increasing number of "silver-haired criminals", Japanese prisons have had to adapt their systems and facilities to these elderly prisoners. For example, in order to prevent their Alzheimer's disease, many puzzles and puzzle games have been added to the prison, and some prison food has been changed to paste, and nutritionists for chronically ill prisoners have been added.
"Thief Family" stills
Some old people steal because they are poor. But sometimes, old people don't steal valuable items, they just do it because they are lonely. Japanese law is relatively strict on theft, and they generally voluntarily turn themselves in and find another way to go to prison to retire.
In this context, it is already decent to choose a blind date and find someone to spend the rest of your life with, not to mention, falling in love and blind dates in your later years is not an unseemly thing, after all, it is never too late to pursue love.
But how to avoid the plight of today's elderly and become the young tomorrow is a systemic problem for society.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet
Edit | Ashu
Typesetting | Kazama Clear
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