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Zheng Shaoqiu's 55-year-old daughter committed suicide
This would have been gossip
But because too many people mention single-parent families
Just read a book before
So some points are shared
You can complain
Zheng Shaoqiu's 55-year-old eldest daughter, Zheng Anyi, committed suicide in the United States.
It is said that at that time, there was no contact with relatives, not even father and mother.
It was the local church that took care of her affairs.
Zheng Anyi is the daughter of Zheng Shaoqiu and Lu Huiru, they only fell in love, not married, they are illegitimate daughters, when they went to college, Zheng Anyi's tuition Zheng Shaoqiu was managed, but the daughter also confessed that walking on the street, this father did not recognize her.
It sounds very bleak, even if there is only one blood line in this life, I think, as a celebrity, Zheng Shaoqiu should be familiar with his daughter's face, right?
As a result, some netizens hotly discussed the topic of single-parent families in the comment area.
It is said that many parents are now not responsible;
It is also said that childhood injuries take a lifetime to heal;
Some people say that they are all over 50 years old, do they still have to carry this pot by their parents?
What about the thousands of single-parent families in the world? Aren't they alive?
I checked that as of 2022, single-parent families in the country now account for 15% of all households, of which single-mother families account for 80%.
This means that 15 out of 100 children now come from single-parent families, and 12 of those 15 live with their mothers.
I don't know what happened to Zheng Anyi's mother now, I can imagine her unwillingness to get a name at that time, and the difficulty of raising her daughter alone, but I estimate that there will be more of this kind of team in the future, what should mothers do? How can children live a healthy and peaceful life?
Should the pot of single-parent families be carried and become a lingering shadow for a lifetime?
Simple. Nelson gave us guidance and methods in the book "Positive Discipline in Single-Parent Families", which I summarized, mainly divided into 3 aspects.
1
cognition
No family is broken,
Unless the people in this family let it break
No home—and no family—is broken unless the people in that family make it broken. Moreover, even things that have been broken can be repaired.
She gave us a reassurance that the harm of parents divorce to children is definitely there, but it is not hopeless, it can be maxed out.
How to make up for it?
Start by letting go of the belief that you have to make amends for your child having only one parent.
It is impossible and unwise not to try to be both mom and dad.
A healthy parent is enough. Try to develop a positive attitude as a single-parent family: this is the case and we will benefit from it.
This is actually the first of the 7 habits of highly effective people: proactive thinking. Things have already happened, and instead of making amends, it is better to accept reality and do your best in the role you can do in the moment.
If you are a mother, blindly immersed in the child from now on without the father to accompany, the personality may be affected and imperfect, you feel self-blame, unhappiness, anger, depression, then these emotions are likely to be also available to the child.
This is a victim mentality, so that the child will also feel that he is a victim, I have defects are the reason for not having a father, on the contrary, if you face it with a brave and optimistic state, the child will also feel relaxed physically and mentally, and they can easily cope with the next life and learning.
The best gift you can give your child is to be hopeful in life no matter what the circumstances are – and that in all circumstances, no matter how difficult, there will be opportunities to learn and grow.
This is critical.
Li Zheyuan's mother, the author of "Learning Master", shared her process of raising children. She is also a single mother, and her childhood parents are also divorced, which also has a considerable impact on her.
Because of this, in her own children, she made it a profession. She said that the vast majority of parents also love their children, but they cannot rationally treat the role of parents, lack a clear awareness of the responsibilities of their positions, and often do not seek their positions or mess with politics.
Therefore, divorce is not terrible to become a single parent, what is terrible is that the caregiver lacks due cognition, bringing the young child's psychology into a dark and damp, no sun, lifeless corner, so that she grows moss on the center of the long years.
Someone said in the comment area that Gu Ailing is also a single-parent family, but from her, there is no single parent's scars anywhere, why?
Her grandmother and mother are both graduates of the world's top universities and have glamorous professional resumes, which shows that their own quality and cognition are far higher than ordinary people, and since Gu Ailing was a few months old, they have been interested in cultivating skiing, learning various skills, and conducting patriotic education.
Cognition needs a threshold, so why should parents study hard and keep improving, because only in this way can you have enough ability to cope with various changes in life and be the light on the road ahead for children.
2
ponder
What we want our children to learn from this
Nelson said:
Taking the time to think about what we want our children to learn from life — and from us — is a critical first step on the road to successful single-parent parenting.
Once you become a single parent, understand that your life and that of your child are completely different from before, and that your thoughts and goals may change.
Special mothers, you definitely hope that your future is brave and strong, a great mother in the eyes of your children, and at the same time, you hope that your children's future life is happy, so how to achieve all this?
Can we exchange our misfortunes for children's contention? This heavy pressure can be suffocating for a long time.
Therefore, at this time, it is the best time for you to feel life together, life is impermanent, this is also normal, you can calm down and think about what you really want, what kind of life you want to live, and the strength or vulnerability of your heart often begins to take root from this time.
To think is to start correctly.
Instead of worrying about the deficits your child may suffer because you are a single parent, focus on giving them the responsibility to develop a positive outlook on life and achieve their goals.
3
Let's go
No love trick is just skill
Li Zheyuan's mother said that companionship is very important. She had given up a good job in Beijing just to be by his child's side during his adolescence.
At the same time, she also complained about parents who "contracted out" the upbringing and education of their children, saying that although they have gained their children's academic and achievements, their children's character and psychological development must be lacking.
She gave the example of a celebrity, the famous Chinese-American actor Zun Long.
Zunlong was abandoned by his parents when he was very young, adopted by a fierce old woman, did not enjoy a day of maternal love, and was sent to a drama class to learn drama at the age of seven, practicing hard all day long, beaten at every turn, and miserable.
Later, fortunately, fate favored him, he went to the United States to study acting, and finally became a well-known artist. He was famous, but he was not happy. He doesn't know how to love, and he doesn't know how to receive love.
He said, I don't know much about being a person, I don't have a home, no parents, no name, no childhood, I don't understand the relationship between people very well, no one has protected me since I was a child, I can only protect myself, so I closed the door of my heart, I was like a leaf, fell into the river, let the river wash away...
Now looking back at Zheng Anyi, some people say that she is more than 50 years old and still carries the pot to her parents, artists like Zunlong are not spared, let alone an ordinary woman?
She lacks love since she was a child, does not understand love, even if she lives a lifetime, if she does not have a strong self-healing ability, she cannot solve it.
What's more, when you die, you can't contact the closest person, you can imagine how weak the usual feelings are?
Nelson says tricks without love are just tricks. Taking time to build proper groundwork through talking, laughing, playing, and just staying together may be the best investment you can make in your child.
The parent-child relationship is always the most important. Parenting advice and techniques are good and can be helpful, but, more than anything more important is the relationship between parents and children that is based on unconditional love, respect and trust.
If the relationship is strong — if your children know without a doubt that you love them no matter how — you can make a lot of mistakes and still turn out well.
This tells us why some single-parent children can grow up well, and some cannot, Gu Ailing's life is accompanied by her mother and grandmother, and she said that every time she participates in competitions large and small, her grandmother shouts loudly in English next to her: Ailing is the best!
This invisibly gave her a lot of strength and made her spontaneously want to be the best person.
It's full of love.
The actions of single-parent families are not so sophisticated, as long as you know how to love and love, you can raise healthy children alone, American psychologist John Watson said:
Human behavior is learned, and the environment determines a person's behavior patterns, whether normal or pathological, which are acquired through learning and can also be changed through learning.
Although each child is born with distinct genetic characteristics, the environment in which they grow up after birth is like dye, making their personality, personality, character and mentality different colors, bright or dark.
Parents are like sculptors, and what kind of physical and mental state a child has depends on how parents shape and polish it.
Most children experience family changes in childhood, they do not have the ability to do all this on their own, so they can only rely on the awakening of the nurturer, so the single parent journey, parents should lead.
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