It's not uncommon to hear the saying: Do the right thing at the right time. Usually this sentence is used by the elders to urge marriage and birth, as if life is a dance music, just need to keep up with the rhythm to dance well. However, have you ever met people who have chosen the right direction at every point in their lives, but have made a mess of their lives?
I once saw a post on a local forum in Shanghai, the landlord said that their family of four, with two sons, was crammed into a 40-square-meter old house, and they were also burdened with a loan of more than 2 million yuan, and they had to pay 15,000 yuan a month. Subtracting the provident fund, the monthly expenditure still reaches $7,000, and they are trying to apply for public rental housing because the conditions for affordable housing have not yet been met.
The key question is what will happen to their two sons when they marry in the future if they only have this 40-square-meter house. This is not the future mother-in-law disliked, isn't the future worrying? This question makes them feel confused about the future.
However, the landlord's family seems to be doing quite well. Both husband and wife have stable jobs, high education, and can even be called top students, the husband is a native of Shanghai, a master's degree, working in a large central enterprise, as a senior engineer, with an annual salary of 2.3 million yuan. His wife graduated from 985 University, and as the owner of the new Shanghai hukou, she is currently a JC aunt with a staff.
Look, this couple, when it is time to study, study as hard as they can, actively take the exam after graduation, and marry and have children step by step, and their every step seems very standard and wise.
It stands to reason that this couple with double students and double compilation should be "other people's children", should be the protagonists of typical model plays, and should be role models for contemporary young people. However, looking at their lives, it is really embarrassing.
The family of four was crammed into a 40-square-meter old house, which, although not like a stacked arhat, was also overcrowded. In addition, with a mortgage of more than 2 million yuan, it is almost impossible to change houses in the short term, and if the two sons want to get married in the future, other families can make up six wallets, and they can only take out half. If you want to become a son-in-law, the difficulty can be imagined.
So, why did the couple fall into this situation?
First of all, they are not spendthrifts, and their houses are not bought entirely by personal income, because the husband's parents paid for the matrimonial home. But in the end, they end up living their lives in such a difficult way, which obviously has to do with their ideas and choices.
First of all, let's take a look at their housing situation, the man is a Shanghai local, at the time of marriage, his parents funded the purchase of a property with a total price of about 4 million, located in the city center, 65 square meters, with two bedrooms and a living room and a duplex structure, a total of three rooms. This is a relatively old apartment type, but the roof of the building is opened with a skylight, the floor slab is opened, the attic is built, the loft is not included in the construction area, does not increase the value of the property, although this is an illegal building, but at that time the property and community management turned a blind eye and did not interfere. However, in today's world, new construction or renovated houses can never again be done this way.
Originally, this house was quite suitable for living, but for the education of her children, the landlord's wife insisted on changing a school district house, with a total price of up to 6 million, but only 40 square meters. The price of school district housing in Huangpu District is indeed high, but the educational resources in the district are also among the best in Shanghai. Of course, the man's parents were not satisfied with the replacement of this school district room. This means that the pre-marital property becomes the post-marital property, and the landlord Yue's family does not pay a penny, and all expenses are borne by the man's parents and the husband and wife themselves.
But they had no choice because their grandson was going to school and they had to compromise. Originally, even so, life was passable. They plan to wait for their children to grow up and move further away to own two homes. However, the landlord's wife insisted on having a second child, which further complicated the problem. Fortunately, both children are of the same sex, otherwise it would be almost impossible to place in a 40-square-meter two-room household.
The landlord thought a lot, and the only solution was to tie the child in the future
When they got married, they sold the house and divided the proceeds equally between the two sons as their down payment. The couple will then rent their own house. Eventually, when their parents no longer need to live in the original house, they can move into their parents' house.
However, life is not made difficult only by housing problems. In the already difficult situation, the landlord's wife is also a "chicken doll" enthusiast who is keen to raise children. She spent a lot of money to enroll her son in various early education classes and art training classes, and traveled to four places every day, including the China Welfare Association, one-on-one piano lessons, dance classes, English, mathematics enlightenment and programming. Shockingly, both of their children are kindergarteners.
It can be seen that the landlord is very disgusted by this behavior of his wife. The couple seemed to have spent their entire lives working for the bank and their children, but never really enjoyed the joy of life. While each of their steps seems to stand at the point of life, it's not a flashy dance, but more like a tough rock song. For others, it seems like a breathless rhythm of life.
So, how did this highly educated, double-scholar, and double-knit couple get into this predicament?
First of all, judging by their marital relationship, the landlord has almost no say in front of his wife. Whether it is buying a house, having a child, or a chicken baby, every step is the wife's decision. Although the landlord did not agree with these decisions, and every step made him feel painful, he was never able to stop them. Apart from whining behind his back and posting online, he took almost no action.
In husband and wife life, if one party completely monopolizes decision-making power, the other party will lose the right to speak, and the respect and correction opportunities in marriage will disappear.
Also, imagine the atmosphere of this family:
Everything is decided by the mother, and the father does not dare to be angry, because opposition will lead to passive sabotage, not being proactive and not proactive. The responsibility of buying a house and raising children is shouldered by the wife, and in the end, the wife feels that she is very busy. The couple both hold grudges, but for the sake of their children, they can't divorce and can only swallow their anger.
If the house is slightly larger, maybe they can each calm down, but in a 40-square-meter house, it is difficult to stretch your legs, and you have to queue up to go to the toilet, this kind of life is really suffocating.
In addition, this mother's thinking also seems a little confused. Her decision-making seems to just go with the flow, with no clear goal. Of course, she herself benefited from her high education and firmly believed that it was natural to invest money in her children.
However, in big cities like Shanghai, children are more of a competing resource. In addition, in the case of the depreciation of academic qualifications and the employment rate of undergraduate students is only 20%, it is not enough to rely on academic qualifications alone. It is almost impossible for a Ph.D. with a 985 degree to rely on his own ability to buy a house in Shanghai. Plus children are not a sure investment.
Let's take a look at her "chicken doll" projects, such as piano, dance, etc., these are the icing on the cake, there is almost no return on investment, just constantly draining money. In their economic situation, there is still a big way to go from the icing on the cake.
Like life, posture and method are very important, but more important are thinking and goals. It is not wise to blindly imitate others following the trend. Standing at the point of life every step is not necessarily a wise move. Maybe they wanted to dance ballet, but they had to rock and roll with someone else, is it worth it? Is it too hard?
To sum up, the reason why this highly educated couple is in trouble is their lack of balance and communication in marriage. Their decision-making seems to be made by the wife's family, while the other party has almost lost her say. In addition, there is no clear goal and plan, which leads to waste of resources and uncertainty in life. This one