The number of words is about 4574 words
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Sections of this article:
01. People who are "nest in the nest" are hateful, but there are also pitiful
02. In a broad sense, "nest in the horizon" - blindly admiring foreign countries and belittling the motherland
03. How to get along rationally with people in the "nest" and avoid conflicts?
In the deep psychological intervention, many parents helplessly and painfully tell us that their children are a complete "nest heng" - they can't listen to their parents at home, they lose their temper at a little thing, and even punch and kick their parents, which is very arrogant; But outside, they seem to have changed people, they are very submissive to others, and even aggrieved themselves and deliberately curry favor with others.
In fact, not only teenagers, but also many adults are also "nest in the nest". They yelled at their families, even domestic violence, and vented their negative emotions on their families when they encountered things that did not go their way. But outside, they also appear cautious and inferior, and they are only willing to make promises to others, and they are respectful, even if they suffer losses, they also knock out their teeth and swallow in their stomachs, and endure silently.
Why are there people with the personality of "nest horizont"? Or rather, what kind of experience made them develop into "nest in the nest"? Are they really bullies, afraid of evil, and don't know how to be grateful to their families? It's not.
From the perspective of precision psychology, the following analyzes what is going on in the "nest horizon", how it is formed, and how to better get along with this part of the people and resolve the contradiction.
01. People who are "nest in the nest" are hateful, but there are also pitiful
The public often finds people who are "nesty" very hateful. It is clear that family members are more important than outsiders, and they should cherish and care for their families more, but they give their friendly and gentle side to outsiders, venting their vicious and unsympathetic side to their families, making their families very painful.
If the situation is more serious, the public may call them "white-eyed wolves", who not only do not appreciate the nurturing grace of their parents, but also yell at their parents, and use their parents' money and resources to squander their own pleasure and curry favor with friends.
This is really abominable.
But there will be pity for the hateful. In fact, people who are "nested and horizontal" are not born bad, and they often suffer a lot of superimposed psychological trauma in their original family.
For example, when they were young, their parents often ignored, belittled, and scolded them, or their parents often quarreled, and they were also very rough in family education, and even adopted stick education. They are very angry and aggrieved in their hearts, constantly accumulate strong negative emotions, and become more and more dissatisfied with their parents.
They are powerless to resist when they are young, and they will submit to their parents due to their parents' "obscenity". But as they enter adolescence, their height and strength gradually increase, and their self-awareness continues to increase, they will begin to compete with their parents.
Moreover, because they have suffered superimposed psychological trauma at home since childhood, they are easy to become sensitive and suspicious, especially for the words and deeds of their families, it is easy to understand from a negative perspective, and take the good intentions of their families as bad intentions.
Sometimes parents just care about it in good faith, they will immediately feel that their parents are nagging themselves and demeaning themselves, and some adolescents are influenced by the psychoanalytic school in psychology, and even feel that their parents have always wanted to "control" themselves, just to satisfy their "desire to control".
In an instant, the superimposed psychological trauma they suffered in the past is activated in large quantities, generating strong emotions such as anger, and then throwing tantrums at their parents. From the point of view of precision psychopsychology, this is actually a "state of agitation".
If parents do not know how to deal with science at this time, or confront their children, the children will be more excited, pick up the things at home and smash them on the ground, and may even hit their parents.
Moreover, in the process of growing up, in addition to simple and crude education, or long-term neglect, parents often do not have the consciousness to guide them to learn self-reflection. Therefore, after they have conflicts with their families, they think that they are all family problems, that they are all family members, and that they are completely victims. This kind of distorted and paranoid cognition will make them more prone to anger at home, and temper is a little bit.
Some teenagers will become more unscrupulous after they find that their parents can't beat themselves and will not severely punish their excesses. For example, Xiaojie, who has received our psychological intervention, is a very typical case.
Xiaojie's father is a self-made businessman, usually rarely accompanies his children at home, and once at home, he is very strict with his children, especially for his son Xiaojie, who will beat him until he is obedient. When he was a child, although Xiaojie was angry in his heart, he was very afraid of his father.
Xiaojie slowly grew up and became a tall young man about the same height as his father. Once he clashed with his father, he didn't hold back his anger and punched him violently. His father did not expect his son to fight back at all, he was stunned, and he also realized that his son grew up and could no longer be violently disciplined, so his father did not say anything.
But Xiaojie was very excited, he felt that his father did not dare to fight back because he could not beat himself, because he was afraid of himself. He realized that he had grown up and no longer had to fear being beaten by his father, and he felt that he was the eldest in the family.
Since then, he has become domineering at home, and when his parents do not meet his demands, he loses his temper and punches and kicks his mother. Moreover, every time he committed an aggressive behavior at home, his parents did not give him severe punishment, but felt that it was all a family affair and chose to tolerate this precious son. Xiaojie felt more and more that no one could control him.
It wasn't until once, when he almost strangled his mother to death in anger, that she realized that she couldn't continue like this, and she forcibly sent Xiaojie to us for deep psychological intervention.
Therefore, the people in the nest are indeed hateful. From the perspective of precision psychopsychology, they often have serious personality abnormalities, the most common being paranoid personality changes, sensitivity and suspiciousness, lack of self-reflection ability, and lack of empathy.
If more severe, they may even develop paranoid personality disorder with behaviors far beyond social norms. Under intense anger and hatred, they may even take extreme revenge on their families, causing tragedy.
However, I hope that everyone will not only see the evil of these people, but also see the root cause behind it. This is closely related to the poor family education they received, when they were young, their families caused them a lot of superimposed psychological trauma, and when they grew up, their families repeatedly blindly tolerated and blindly connived.
Since they are prone to anger, why are they so pleasant when dealing with outsiders, and even flattering and flattering? Aren't the two very contradictory?
In fact, it is not a contradiction, precisely because they have not received the understanding, respect and warmth of their families at home since they were young, they have to turn their emotional appeals to the outside world, hoping to get attention and recognition from the outside world.
Like Xiaojie mentioned above, he is a little bully at home, but in front of friends, he is almost responsive. As long as a friend opens his mouth to borrow money, he will definitely help, on the one hand, he wants to inflate himself and appear to be capable, on the other hand, he is actually afraid of losing his friend.
He is also very obedient to his girlfriend, and he pleases in every way, and his parents find it incredible that his girlfriend says anything.
From this point of view, people who are "nested in the nest" actually have a very inferior, very insecure, and very lonely side in their hearts.
If their superimposed psychological trauma is not repaired, they cannot live in harmony with their families. If they have always lacked self-confidence and correct interpersonal concepts in their hearts, they have to please others outside, care very much about the evaluation of others, and bear psychological pressure. When they got home, they vented that pressure to their families.
Therefore, although the people who are "in the nest" are not bullying good and afraid of evil, in fact, they are strong on the outside and strong in the middle, and the inside is not really strong, and it can even be said that it is very painful. Some people will choose to drink heavily, borrow alcohol to eliminate their worries, and under the influence of alcohol, they are more likely to be unscrupulous, vent the pressure on their families, play alcohol madness and domestic violence at home, and make their families very painful.
02. In a broad sense, "nest in the horizon" - blindly admiring foreign countries and belittling the motherland
In fact, if the meaning of "nest in the nest" is extended, there is also such a group of people who also belong to this category - they are very dissatisfied with the social system and culture at home, do not abide by the law and discipline in the country, are arrogant and unreasonable, and insult their compatriots, but after they go to the developed countries of the West, they are obedient and disciplined, civilized and courteous.
They aspire to gain recognition from Westerners, to gain a corresponding social status abroad, and may even go out of their way to belittle their homeland. For example, in 2017, Yang Shuping, a Chinese student, made a shocking remark at the graduation ceremony of the University of Maryland, saying that the air in the United States was very sweet, and the air in China was unbearable, which made the Chinese people scold. More extremely, there is the "modern version of the traitor" - Yu Maochun, who is notorious in China and is criticized by thousands of people.
Of course, traitors are not born either. Their formation process is actually similar to the "nest horizontal" in the narrow sense above. It's just that for them, "home" generalizes to "country".
It is very likely that they themselves, or their families and families, have suffered unfair treatment in China, forming superimposed psychological trauma, resulting in great anger and dissatisfaction with the domestic social system and culture.
Some people may not have directly experienced unfair treatment themselves, but their parents and grandparents continue to indoctrinate them with "backwardness and ignorance at home, advanced and equal abroad", and when they study, they may also encounter teachers who are admiring and flattering outside the country, and they are deeply affected by it.
Therefore, they think that living in the country is very painful, it is easy to amplify some social problems, and they lack the awareness of keeping pace with the times, do not realize that the domestic society has now undergone earth-shaking changes, and are always trapped in past traumatic events or indoctrinated concepts. Some even say they can't breathe in the country.
And when they "run" abroad, on the one hand, out of their admiring foreign mentality, they look at foreign people and things with their own beautiful filters, on the other hand, they also desire to be recognized by Westerners, especially whites, so they behave very decently and obediently.
At the same time, they may also realize that if they continue to fly and follow the rules abroad, they will face harsher punishment than at home, and the police may even shoot and kill them directly. They foresaw the severity of this punishment, so they immediately became law-abiding.
Of course, some Chinese immigrated abroad and did not have a satisfactory life and were not recognized by people in Western society, but they were unwilling to admit their unsatisfactory and failed to the Chinese people. They are gentle and polite when they tweet in English, but when they tweet in Chinese, they are still very arrogant, unpolite and demeaning to the countrymen.
In a broad sense, such a person can also be said to be "nest in the horizon", but this "nest" that is, "home" has become "country" or "domestic".
03. How to get along rationally with people in the "nest" and avoid conflicts?
After the above has a deeper understanding of "nest in the horizon", how can we get along with them more rationally and try to avoid contradictions?
First, if they are relatives in the family and we have to contact them, it is better to keep an appropriate distance, especially from economic interactions.
Because if the two parties interact too frequently, intimately, or even have conflicts of interest, it is easy to activate their superimposed psychological trauma, causing them to be angry and causing conflicts and conflicts.
Second, when attending a party with them, try to guide them not to drink, even if they must drink, but also to control the total amount, to prevent them from drinking too much will cause violent mood swings and irrationality.
Third, they are emotional and lose their temper at home, that is, when they are "in the nest", the family should not oppose them, and do not criticize, accuse, or contradict them at this time. They were irrational and couldn't listen to them.
When their emotions are almost vented and they have returned to a certain rationality, the family must guide them to self-reflection and learn to adjust their emotions and behaviors, otherwise, they will face certain punishments or consequences.
For example, family members will become more and more distant from them, they will lose a lot of support, and they may even be legally liable for their out-of-control behavior.
Although these guidance and punishment measures cannot completely reinvent them, they will be relatively restrained and regain a certain self-reflection ability.
Fourth, when you usually get along with them, try to make them feel understood and cared for, and even show weakness to them appropriately and recognize their strengths and strengths. This may reduce the frequency and extent of their "nest crossing".
Fifth, if the "nest" is a teenager who still lives with his parents, then parents should first self-reflect, change and improve, learn more scientific family education methods, and find ways to repair the main superimposed psychological trauma suffered by children in the process of growth.
When the parent-child relationship improves, parents guide their children to learn self-reflection, even at home, even with the tolerance of parents, they cannot be angry with others in case of accidents.
Moreover, when they get more recognition and attention from their parents at home, and learn self-affirmation, they will naturally not be so in the unexpected world, no longer need to please others, and then the psychological pressure will be reduced, and the situation of "nest horizontal" will be alleviated.
As for the "nest horizont" groups in a broad sense, their lives have little to do with our lives. Everyone has the right to choose where they live, and if they are willing and able to emigrate, then we respect their choice.
However, if they do not have a rational, positive and in-depth understanding of the motherland and the developed countries in the West, they can easily be "educated" by reality and gradually find that life abroad is not as beautiful as imagined. This is already their lesson.
The best way for us to deal with their words is to ignore and ignore them. The more they brush up on their presence and feel superior, the more we don't need to pay attention.
Therefore, if parents hope that their children will not become a hateful "nest" in the future, it is best to adopt a truly scientific family education as soon as possible.
Parents should keep pace with the times, realize the respect and understanding that the current generation of children need, give them high-quality companionship and spiritual nourishment, avoid superimposed psychological trauma to children, and consciously guide children to have the awareness and ability of self-reflection and establish a comprehensive attribution model.
If the family or family has suffered unfair treatment in the past, the family should treat it rationally and objectively, and be aware of the progress and changes of the times and domestic society. If parents always complain about society and scare the air, then the child will definitely be greatly negatively affected, and it is easy to hit a wall everywhere when he grows up, and he never reflects on his own problems.
And the most important thing is that if a person does not know how to self-reflect, and encounters difficulties and setbacks are always completely externally attributed, then this often shows that to a certain extent, their three views are distorted.
Although the three views cannot be seen or touched, they always determine the behavior of individuals. Distorted three views can easily lead to tragic, spurned, and even imprisoned life endings!
#Nest Heng# #Psychic Psychology# #情感点评大赏#