第一个故事：
One
Five years ago, at the age of 24, I had just graduated from undergraduate and met my predecessor Yao Feng.
He is a section-level cadre of an organ and unit, and is said to be the only college student in the village, who was selected all the way from the university student village official and completed the village, town, and provincial jumps.
I admired him very much, and my parents recognized the nature of his work, and it took us only 3 months from meeting to talking about marriage.
When discussing the matrimonial home, he said he had $400,000 in savings, which at the time was a down payment for a two-bedroom apartment. By this standard, we found a second-hand house of about 800,000 yuan a month later.
After paying a deposit for the house, he told me that his 400,000 yuan was in the stock market, and now it would be "too much of a loss" to take it all out, and proposed that our family help out some.
At that time, it was the year of the national stock market carnival in 2015, and his father, who also speculated in stocks, agreed with him to study economics, and the two discussed taking 300,000 yuan each, and the house book wrote the names of two people.
The day before paying the down payment, Yao Feng told me a lot about the stock market, saying that it was too much to lose money at this time. I said, I can't say that two people buy a house, and in the end, I will pay for it alone. In the end, he took 200,000 yuan as a down payment on the house.
This is also all the money he paid when we got married.
Two
In August of that year, probably the darkest day for Chinese investors, the market dipped at a high level, and the continuous drop limit made many leveraged investors close their positions overnight. Unfortunately, Yao Feng, who has a monthly income of less than 4,000, has changed from a rich man in the stock market figure to a poor egg with the blessing of tenfold leverage.
Because I used my provident fund for the house loan, only my name was written on the house book. This made Yao Feng's parents and friends, including himself, always say openly and secretly that both of them paid money, and it was unfair to write only one person's name, and they had to get married quickly and add his name to the house book.
My parents also said that if you compare your heart to your heart, if you buy a house together, you will definitely be a family in the future; Besides, it is not appropriate to write only one person's name before you are married.
So, without a diamond ring and a wedding, we got married in October.
In the first half of 2016, house prices across the country soared. Our house also soared 1.5 times. In the second half of the year, Yao Feng told me that his unit had taken a piece of land in the eastern suburbs of the city and wanted to build a house purchased by a labor group.
The two of us rode an electric car for more than 2 hours to the location where their unit was going to take land and build a building.
It is located outside the fourth ring road, and the 15-year government plan is to divert water there to build a lake, and a large number of governments, institutions and institutions will be moved east, and supporting medical care, education, transportation, and entertainment will be introduced. Driven by policy dividends, there are already some commercial houses under construction in that place.
When inquiring about the house price, the developer quoted 2 times the price of their unit group purchase! We are very excited and feel that this is the unit sending money to the employees in real money. We decided to buy the house.
Three
The decision is made, the determination is made, and the money is still in question.
It is necessary to take out the first installment of 300,000 yuan within one month, and then take out 400,000 yuan for the second phase half a year later, plus the parking space fee in the later stage. Where does the money come from?
We came out of the building, parked the electric car on the side of the road, and discussed where to go.
Yao Feng hinted to me that I could let my parents take some more.
I disagree. My family is just an ordinary salaryman, and the 300,000 yuan in the marriage house is already the pension that the old couple has saved for a lifetime, and if they take 300,000 yuan in a short period of time, they can't take it out if they are willing to do so.
Yao Feng has a very tough attitude, saying that there is a lot of room for profit and appreciation here, and he must take this house down no matter what.
I didn't want to talk to my parents, and his parents couldn't help, and the more we talked, the more angry we became.
I gambled to get out of the car and said I would give up or give up. He was surprised that I threw the "fat" I had in my hand and rode away on an electric car in a fit of rage.
I walked alone in the suburbs where I couldn't get a taxi, and when it got dark, I cried and decided that I would never take my parents' money to buy him a house again.
After this incident, we had a cold war for a week.
One day a week later, he suddenly said that he had contacted a small bank because his job was stable and he could give a revolving loan of 300,000 yuan.
I didn't understand what a revolving loan was, he just told me that I knew that the money was going to land.
After signing the co-loan agreement together, I never saw his salary again.
After my salary is paid off the mortgage, I still have to pay for daily living expenses. Occasionally when mentioning the house in the eastern suburbs, he promised that he had not been pregnant and had children in the past few years, so we would live like this and take the house down. If you have children, transfer the qualification to buy a house over there (the transfer fee at that time was 200,000 yuan), and it was easier to have children.
Story 2:
I am 36 years old, born in Chengdu to a family of teachers, Ph.D., and currently an associate professor at a university. When I was a child, because my parents were busy with work, they fostered me with relatives, and it was not until I was in elementary school that I was picked up by my parents.
Reflecting on my experiences since then, I often think of my childhood. I wonder if this experience caused me to feel insecure, so that in my later relationship, I needed a lot of love, and I had to constantly confirm this love. This makes both sides particularly tired.
My husband and I are friends who talk to in college, he is a typical science and engineering man, he is kind and sincere, does not spend his heart, and takes it home when he earns money; But he was also very woody, reasoning as soon as he spoke, having a life in two or three months, and never caring about my feelings.
Before I had a baby, I thought this was normal. It wasn't until my child was two years old that I went to a foreign country for training and met a man that I suddenly woke up.
This man is a doctor from another university, he is funny and humorous, and often "teases" me - he will diligently help me solve problems in life, will send me some yellow jokes, and will joke in public, Xiao Chu, I like you like this.
Once apart, he said, come, hug. Then suddenly holding me and pressing my chest, I just felt that with a brush, there was an electric current numbly passing through my whole body... It's like an orgasm.
I have nothing to do with this man after all. But after that, I suddenly got the hang of it.
I started asking my husband for it.
I deliberately dangled in front of him in my sexy pajamas; Arrange the child early on the weekend and ask him to go to the world of two alone; Or suddenly ask the same city courier to send him a flower ...
But none of this was exchanged for the slightest response. He was busy with work every day, children, and occasionally felt that I was okay to look for, and we really had very little time to communicate.
Skin, I gradually felt that I was walking in the wilderness, surrounded by darkness, and I was the only one in heaven and earth.
My body and soul were as empty as desolate.
I longed for someone to fill me up, from body to heart, so that I would no longer be so lonely.
I applied for a study abroad in 2019 and left Chengdu for a year in Paris, France.
Here, I met A, the man I still can't stop.
Before I came to Paris, I added Chinese students from the schools I visited. Another Chengdu group in Paris. In these two groups, there is an A, I think it is fate, so I added him.
After arriving in Paris, because I had children, I did not rent an apartment, but rented a more remote house (equivalent to a villa, but also an ordinary house in Paris). It is far away from other Chinese students.
Shortly after staying, A came to see me.
He was 7 years older than me, not tall, with shining eyes, and a very warm and warm man.
People in a foreign land, everything has to start from scratch. Without him, I think I would have asked for help from others during that time.
He took me to an agency to buy a car; Help me inquire about the furniture I need in the second-hand group; He also took me to a church or charity for free English and French lessons. He introduced me to friends around him. The friends I often play with now are also introduced by him.
After I settled in, he often came to see me and asked if I needed anything, if the washing machine was good, and if I wanted to go somewhere. Often after a busy evening, they leave a meal to eat.
In this way, in a foreign land, the emptiness of my soul was partially filled by the fresh life, and the other part seemed to be gradually filled by his meticulous care. I began to trust him and share my affairs with him.
Once he took me alone to play in a protected area, he drove, I sat in the co-pilot, and in the car back, he took my hand, I shrunk, but did not refuse.
That evening, he asked me to join me the next day. I had a hunch that something would happen, but I struggled a bit and finally didn't refuse.
The next day, everything that should have happened happened.
We have been together a lot since then.
A thoroughly developed me.
He can't say how strong he is in bed, after all, he is more than forty, but he is a master of flirting, he can find my points very well, he is very gentle and experienced to do foreplay, waiting for me to be happy.
I have never been in contact with any other man except my husband, whether it is in love or sex, I have very little experience, and it is indeed difficult for me to resist meeting him like this.
Maybe I didn't want to resist - in this foreign land, neither partner knows about it, so it won't hurt. Just sink all the way and sober up when you return home.
But there is also dirtiness between us.
After about four dates, each time it was over, he said, let's do it, we can't have feelings. There can be no love. Just be happy.
I was very upset, I said that even if it is an extramarital affair, you have to have a relationship, are you so interesting.
He said we can't go on like this.
I said that I took out my heart and lungs for you, even if I can't divorce, I treat you as a second man, what about you, just as I am a free artillery friend?
None of us can convince anyone. He deliberately distanced himself from me, and I didn't go to the meeting, but I still met and went to bed, about once a week.
On New Year's Day 2020, his wife came to Paris with her children.
At this time, I learned the specific situation of his family, his wife is relatively wealthy, and he is also very capable, but he is very strong, how much money he makes, and I never tell him.
And for more than a decade, the two have not had sex. They played together in Paris, disagreeing halfway through and arguing in the streets of Paris. He called me and said no, she thought no one loved me, come on, say you love me.
I was speechless for a moment.
After his wife returned, we were in touch more often than ever, but the argument remained.
Frankly, I don't reject extramarital affairs, and it might be immoral to say so. But this relationship must be nourishing for both parties, and I can get what I want, and so do you.
I may be a bit too much to ask for, sex, good communication, and even you have to guide me. Even if we ourselves are outside of marriage and making mistakes, we meet each other and identify each other as irreplaceable by others.
But he was particularly disgusted by the mention of love and found it ridiculous. As for the heart-to-heart feeling I wanted, he didn't feel the need.
We drifted apart from each other. Once I said, if you are like this, I am a free artillery friend, let's forget it, let's be friends again, except for Fengyue, everything else is fine. He said okay, so be it.
Soon he ended his study visit and returned to China, but our WeChat did not block each other and did not completely break off.
At the end of March 2020, we were chatting in a common group, and he and a female group friend had been flirting, exclaiming to my face: I want but don't want it.
Later, he left me a message, you, you should find a few more men, separate sex and love, if you can't accept it, it will be very troublesome later.
I burst into tears, admitting that I was a free artillery friend and that there was no way out except whether I was injured or injured.
After more than ten days, he talked to me on WeChat again, and it was still inevitable to mention sex and the past. And say, come back soon, I miss you. After chatting like this a few times, I broke down completely, surrendered again, and started talking to him online.
On May Day, he went back to his hometown alone to see his parents, and his lover and children did not accompany him. On the 4th, he voicechatted with me, hoping that after I returned to China, I would still maintain a lover relationship.
I said that you are good at maneuvering among different women, and this is your specialty. He got angry and said what do you think I am, big color ghost? Your assessment makes me feel very disrespected.
Then, when I sent another message, I found that he had blocked me.
事情过了一周后，我想了很多，他是不是也需要爱，但他需要的很简单，要求对我们各自的身份和关系有个清醒的认识，在对方需要安慰的时候，能给予对方充分的理解和支持？
Epilogue:
不知道怎么的，第二个故事让我想起当当总裁夫妇。
很多人鄙视情感，觉得天天鸡毛蒜皮，不登大雅之堂，可是你看，不管总裁夫妇，教授博士，还是普通男女，面对婚姻情感，小三离婚，其实没什么分别，都是束手无策，该打架打架，该撕时就撕，其实跟普通人相比，他们是清醒的，知道缘由的，控制不住的，任由事情发展的，其实他们是清醒地堕落的。
我们不必鄙视谁，也不必站在道德立场上去指责谁，因为第二个故事中女主婚内的经历，几乎是大部分女人正在经历着的（大部分，不是全部哦，因为性生活调查里显示，对性生活不满意的夫妇占近百分60），区别在于有人忍着，或者有更好的替代品，而小楚找了别的男人。
First of all, why didn't this man get divorced?
I asked rhetorically, why did he want to divorce?
Two people in love together, maybe because of love, maybe because of sex, maybe just because it's profitable ... But when two people get married, it is not just for a certain reason, it must be entangled with interests, love, children and even pain.
他和他老婆的感情不错——不是说不上床就没感情了，现在在外面和女主的这段感情中，就是找一个婚外的性伴侣，或者说约一次炮，小楚也不是他婚外的唯一。 And he also said that you can go find someone.
很简单，如果他为了约一个炮，或者找一个性伴侣而离婚，那一个男人要离多少次婚呢？ So this divorce does not hold.
Second, does this man love you or not.
There is a saying that the passage to a woman's heart is the vagina, and for a woman, you are willing to give your body, and you give your feelings and love. But most men don't think that way.
Like A said, sex and love can be separated.
Many men have an imperial dream and fantasize about three thousand beautiful harems. To be honest, it is impossible in real life, and morality does not allow it.
But it can be imagined that many men have this fantastic idea when they are lustful, or when they dream, after all, they have the important function of sowing seeds engraved in their genes, and you know, the more seeds are sown, the better.
以上两个问题女主本人是明白的。
You see she said so much, in fact, what she suffered in the end was not that this man did not love her and regarded her as a P friend, but that this man resolutely left and blocked her, and finally did not even give her sex, and what she was most uncomfortable about was this.
Really, A thinks she loves him, but in fact she just wants his body. Many men look at the wrong woman, think that women can't do without him, in fact, anything is inseparable for a reason, if you can't provide sexual resources, you see if she wants you.
Do not do and love not love... How do you say this?
He is willing to do it with you because his desires need to be satisfied; Because his wife doesn't want to do it, or can't bring him a fresh and pleasant feeling, and you can.
But one day you also get along for a long time, he will also feel lighter and weaker, and will stop, it has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not.
女主如果没本事做到性爱分开，我劝你不要跟这个男人去谈感情，非常明显，你们的关系一旦公开，对他目前的这种生活有可能有某种危险。 He didn't want to lose his family at all.
If you can do sex separation and only go to bed, you can try again.
In my opinion, A blocks you now, just thinking that you only go to him because of sex and do not involve feelings, then he will not be responsible in the future.
If you are together again, the responsibility should be borne by you, not him, and then he can enjoy this pleasure to the fullest. In case one day the East Window incident happened, his wife knew that he could say that I had long wanted to break off with her, and it was she who came to follow me, so everyone laughed it off.
This trick is also a common trick used by this kind of man, if you want to catch something, Jiang Taigong fishing, you are willing to do it, it doesn't matter if you don't want to. With A, it is better to have you and not to do without you.
But I remind you that don't think your husband and the people around you are fools. None of you are a real fool in your field, and it is impossible for the people around you not to know your actions, but they are just too lazy to be nosy.
But at critical moments, such as evaluating a job title, or some kind of promotion, someone will definitely be used as a gun. 而女主老公，理工男，副教授，放到婚姻市场上，分分钟就会被抢走。 Don't cry then.
I don't want to make a moral judgment, because for cheating men and women, the first hurdle is to lose morality, or what they value, above morality, to put it bluntly.
