On September 8, 1995, the Mid-Autumn Festival, in an apartment in California, the landlord found that she had not seen the thin old Chinese lady for a long time, and she immediately called the police because of the bad premonition.
Los Angeles police arrived, opened the door of the apartment, and was surprised to find Zhang Ailing, a female writer who had been dead for 6~7 days, wearing a cheongsam, a blanket under her, and nothing on her body, dying of cardiovascular arteriosclerosis, at the age of 75.
Obviously, when Zhang Ailing, who lived alone, died, she did not have any relatives around her. Fortunately, knowing that the limit was approaching, she left a suicide note, in which her former friend Lin Shitong was mentioned.
The police called Lin Shitong, who quickly rushed over, he was the only person who had been to the scene of Zhang Ailing's death and had seen Zhang Ailing's remains with his own eyes, according to his recollection:
"Zhang Ailing was lying on the only camp bed against the wall in the room, with a gray-blue blanket under her... Her remains are peaceful, surprisingly thin, and the warm fluorescent lamp is still on..."
It is really like a lifetime, 50 years ago, a generation of talented women were born, but 50 years later, they floated away in a foreign country, and died quietly alone, such a bleak evening scene, it is inevitably moving.
Let's take a look at the legendary life of Zhang Ailing.
One: the original family, so compassionate
The famous writer Shi Shuqing once said: "There are three modern Chinese writers who can win the Nobel Prize in Literature, Shen Congwen, Zhang Ailing, and Lao She, but all three are dead." ”
As a maverick writer, Zhang Ailing once said confidently: "I was born to write novels. And she didn't know that her legendary life experience was also a model novel.
On September 30, 1920, Zhang Ailing was born in Shanghai, her grandfather was Zhang Peilun, a famous minister in the late Qing Dynasty, and her grandmother was Li Jucouple, the daughter of Li Hongzhang. Her mother Huang Suqiong received a new education, and her father Zhang Tingzhong liked to sing the wind and the moon.
Zhang Ailing lived a carefree and happy childhood: a well-off family, loving parents, surrounded by servants, and worry-free food and clothing. She can memorize famous poems at the age of 3 and write novels at the age of 7...
However, the good times did not last long.
Later, his father began to smoke cigarettes and raise concubines, which was unbearable for his mother, who had received the new trend, so he went abroad with Zhang Ailing's aunt Zhang Maoyuan in the name of companionship, leaving behind the young Zhang Ailing and his brother.
As everyone knows, her mother's willful departure regardless of it has caused great harm to Zhang Ailing's life.
Later, the relationship between his parents broke down and divorced, and his father's remarried stepmother Sun Yongbo treated Zhang Ailing's brothers and sisters very badly, Zhang Ailing was almost beaten to death by her father for bumping into her stepmother, and escaped on a dark and windy night in a month, and has since severed her father's grace.
It can be seen that Zhang Ailing's childhood lacked father's love, which laid a sad background for her later choice of mate and feelings.
After Zhang Ailing escaped from her father, she lived with her mother, hoping to get a little long-lost maternal love, but it was in vain, at first the mother and daughter got along quite well, but soon the relationship between mother and daughter became cold.
Due to financial constraints, her mother gave her two paths, either to marry; Either study, Zhang Ailing chose the latter.
In 1939, Zhang Ailing entered the University of Hong Kong to study, but decisively broke off her relationship because her scholarship was gambled by her mother. Years later, her mother died, and she was rejected to see her daughter for the last time, which shows how much Zhang Ailing is worried about her mother.
Zhang Ailing and her mother
It can be seen that Zhang Ailing's native family has given her a great bond in her life. Just like Sanmao said in "Rolling Red Dust": Zhang Ailing longs for her father's love and compassion for her mother, and she wants to grow up quickly and change her fate.
Zhang Ailing entered the aristocratic school Santa Maria Girls' High School at the age of 11, and since then began a long literary journey, reading Dream of Red Mansions in her 10s, and completing the novel "Dream of Modern Red Mansions" at the age of 14, she knows that literature is a safe haven to abandon family pain.
Happy people heal their whole lives with childhood, and unhappy people heal childhood with their whole lives. Zhang Ailing happened to be the unfortunate person.
Only when she arrived at the university, college life gave Zhang Ailing a truly lively and young state of mind, at this time, she worked extra hard, her grades were among the best, and her talents were also greatly developed.
Zhang Ailing had a good relationship with her brother when she was a child, but then the relationship gradually faded, and her brother took great pains to contact her, but she was very indifferent, and even after her death, the huge inheritance did not leave a penny to her brother.
Perhaps, Zhang Ailing is too disappointed in family affection.
Zhang Ailing and her younger brother
Two: Make a living and make love, low to the dust
Zhang Ailing is smart, she knows that in a whirlpool-like era, even a woman must control her own destiny, so the thrust of survival pushes her to a peak of maturity.
As a result, writing became a tool for her survival.
In 1942, Zhang Ailing returned to Shanghai to study at St. John's University, but within two months she was in trouble, and the pressure of life forced her to write full-time to earn a living for money. Fortunately, she published more than 10 novels in 1943 as a sensation.
For example, the most famous ones are our favorite "Love in the City", "Agarwood Crumbs, The First Incense", "Golden Lock", etc., making Zhang Ailing a new star in Shanghai's literary world overnight.
Her writing is sophisticated and mature, as if it came from the hands of a weather-beaten person. Her miracle continued until 1944 and 1945, and the novel collection was reprinted, and Luoyang paper was expensive for a while.
However, just when Zhang Ailing's fame was in full swing, an important man in her life, Hu Lancheng, broke into her life and became a scar that she could never erase.
In May 1944, Hu Lancheng, who was the deputy director of the propaganda department of the Wang puppet government, wrote an article "Commenting on Zhang Ailing", exaggerating the healthy, bright and indestructible vitality that Ailing brought to the world.
This text is of personal feelings, and it is said that the two were in love at that time. Why? One is that Hu has feelings because of Zhang's "Blockade", and the other is that Hu took refuge and met Zhang.
The relationship between Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng set off huge public opinion at that time. At that time, Zhang Ailing was 24 years old and Hu Lancheng was 38 years old, still a husband with a wife.
Every time Hu Lancheng returns to Shanghai, he goes to Zhang Ailing's apartment on Hurd Road and spends a wonderful time there.
Hu Lancheng understands Zhang Ailing very well, let Zhang Ailing indulge in it, regardless of the age difference, regardless of the other party's infamy of "Han J".
Zhang Ailing also gave Hu Lancheng a photo of herself, with classic confession words written on the back:
"When I meet you, I become low and low, low to the dust, but my heart rejoices, and a flower blooms there."
Women who lack love, especially father's love, will really be low to the dust when they meet an older man they like.
But if the other party is worth it, that's fine; But if the other party is a scumbag, it is tragic. Unfortunately, Hu Lan belongs to the latter.
In August 1944, Hu Lancheng divorced his second wife, and Zhang Hu and the two had a marriage document, but there was no ceremony, and the changes of the times and the betrayal of feelings did not escape.
In November 1944, Hu Lancheng left for Hubei, and before leaving, he said tactfully: "It is difficult to come to Japan, dry mouth and dry lips, and today we should like each other." ”
Instant pleasure became something Hu Lancheng took for granted, as if Zhang Ailing was just a guest in his life. But Zhang Ailing understood and accepted it all.
Sure enough, Hu Lancheng had a new person and married in Hubei, the other party was Zhou Xunde, a 17-year-old nurse, young and beautiful, delicate as a jewel. Hu Lancheng took the initiative to inform Zhang Ailing of this when he returned to Shanghai in March 1945.
Zhang Ailing's unyielding love collapsed in an instant, she once thought that the other party was joking, but what made her collapse was still behind.
In 1945, after the defeat and surrender of Japan, Hu Lancheng fled to Zhuji's family in Zhejiang to fall in love with Jijiashu's mother Fan Xiumei, and Fan sent him to Wenzhou, and the two became husband and wife.
In his later years, Hu Lancheng
Hu Lancheng ruined the three views, fled all the way, married all the way, completely ignoring the feelings of the woman who married him, especially Zhang Ailing, who was sensitive and delicate.
Zhang Ailing learned that Hu Lancheng was in Wenzhou, and rushed over non-stop, but unexpectedly encountered an embarrassing scene.
When two women and a man met, the scene was once awkward, which surprised Zhang Ailing. And Fan Xiumei's simple words turned Zhang Ailing in the hotel into Hu Lancheng's former concubine, not even a wife, at most a friend.
Zhang Ailing, who is not good at words, was completely defeated in front of Fan Xiumei. At this time, Hu Lancheng was silent, unable to leave the place of refuge, nor could he say sorry to his lover Zhang Ailing in front of him.
On the day Zhang Ailing left, it was raining, as if she was crying for her, and she said to Hu Lancheng faintly:
"You won't either. I thought that if I had to leave you, I would not be short-sighted, and I would no longer be able to love others, I would simply wither. ”
"Don't seek short-sightedness and stop loving others" This is Zhang Ailing's last stubbornness and steadfastness in love with Hu Lancheng.
Presumably, Hu Lancheng betrayed his love with Zhang Ailing, probably because he found a safe haven for his escape. This selfish man, no matter when and where, always thinks about himself.
But as a smart and thoughtful generation of talented women, Zhang Ailing is bound to bring this love to a successful end.
In 1947, Zhang Ailing wrote a breakup letter to Hu Lancheng, who was on the run:
"I don't like you anymore, you don't like me anymore... Do not come to me, or write letters, and I will not read them. ”
Zhang Ailing attached a breakup fee of 300,000 yuan. This 300,000 yuan is undoubtedly the last stubbornness of talented women to love: it's not that you don't want me, but I don't disdain to be with you.
Three: Leaving a foreign country, half a lifetime
After joining hands with Hu Lan, Zhang Ailing was once depressed until she fell in love again after meeting Sang Arc, but the two were just in love after all, and the other party finally chose a woman outside the circle to get married.
At this time, Zhang Ailing, who was abandoned twice in a row, had lost her creative enthusiasm and had to move to Hong Kong in 1952 to heal, but after her career was frustrated, she went to the United States to settle in 1955.
Who knew that in the second year in the United States, life would be in trouble.
Fortunately, at the age of 36, she met the playwright Lai Ya, who was 29 years older than her, the other party was 65 years old, the two had a common love of literature, and Lai Ya also brought Zhang Ailing the warmth of being a woman.
Lai Ya was married and had a daughter, but she was unrestrained and free by nature and did not want to be bound by marriage until she met Zhang Ailing at the age of 65.
Maybe Zhang Ailing herself has a father-love complex, and this time she met Lai Ya, both of them have a sense of déjà vu, and then the two are inseparable. Two months after they met, Raiya wrote in her diary: "Go to the hut and spend the night together." ”
This love that transcends age and borders came too quickly.
Not long after, Zhang Ailing became pregnant, and the two got married in New York. It took less than half a year for the two to meet and fall in love to get married. But feelings are like this, love is love, and others are nothing to blame.
Lai Ya is a playwright with a deep understanding of movies, and Zhang Ailing also turns the frustration of the novel to the film script. For this reason, with the help of Lai Ya, the movie script written by Zhang Ailing was quite sold.
In the years after marriage, Zhang Ailing concentrated on writing scripts to support the family, and Lai Ya took care of all the housework.
But then the life of the two became more and more embarrassing, Zhang Ailing was worried that she would not be able to feed her children and beat it, Lai Ya was old and seriously ill, Zhang Ailing she had to run for life, and even ran back to China to raise money, and wrote day and night to make money to treat Lai Ya's illness...
Zhang Ailing was even so tired that her legs were swollen and her eyes were bleeding, but in the end, Lai Ya died of illness, and Zhang Ailing was 47 years old.
This relationship between an old husband and a young wife is finally coming to an end.
Zhang Ailing wrote about love all her life, but she didn't expect that in the end she lost to love. So far, there is no one in her life who cares about her. After Raiya's death, she became increasingly withdrawn, and began a 28-year solitary life until her death.
In Shanghai, she was a reclusive female writer who did not like to socialize and maintain complex connections, preferring to write quietly in her room rather than mingle in a dense crowd.
In the United States, she isolated herself from the rest of her life, refused all visits and socialization, and lived alone in a small rented apartment, living a life of isolation.
However, the loneliness of living alone did not drown her, but made her live more freely, which may be the difference between "genius writers" and ordinary people.
In her later years, Zhang Ailing's living habits were very strange.
She almost never cooks her own food, relying on canned food, milk and other convenience foods every day to feed her stomach, Xu is the habit of writers, over time, her body becomes weaker and weaker, and her figure is getting thinner and thinner day by day.
What's more bizarre is that she also laughed at herself for having "illiterate diseases" such as toothache, itchy skin, etc., and she even attributed her itchy skin to bugs, so she moved around to hide from insects, moving more than 180 times in 3 years.
This is reminiscent of the classic quote she wrote: "Life is a beautiful robe, covered with lice." ”
This may be the portrayal of her life.
And just when Zhang Ailing was extremely down, Zhang Ailing's three words were always popular in Shanghai, her works were constantly published and printed, and she earned a lot of money in the United States by Chinese readers, so she earned a lot of money in her later years.
After that, knowing that the limit was approaching, she left a suicide note, which roughly read: 1. Cremation immediately after death. 2. No funeral. 3. The ashes are scattered in the empty and uninhabited place. 4. The inheritance is left to Song Qi.
In September 1995, Zhang Ailing was found dead a week after she was found dead in her rental apartment. And the reason why she didn't want people to see the body must be because she knew before she was alive that her widowed self would die for a long time before being discovered, so she left her last dignity.
She left 2.7 million yuan to her friends Song Qi and his wife, but did not leave a penny for her brother. After his brother, who had never been married, was discovered a few days after his sister's death, he opened his house day and night, asking why he didn't want to repeat his sister's mistakes.
On September 30, Lin Shitong scattered her ashes to the vast sea, and at this moment, the legendary and tragic life of the genius writer Zhang Ailing also turned into dust.
As a writer, Eileen Chang is successful.
But as a woman, she is unique and sad, she does not have the plainness and happiness of ordinary people, the three love histories in her life are extremely bleak, there is no one around her when she dies, and she is discovered a few days after death, which can be called successful and tragic.
And such a life, I don't know if it is what she wants.
(The pictures in the article come from the Internet, if invaded, they will be deleted)