The tragedy of He Hongling in "The Sea of Dreams" is not because of leaving Xiao Chunsheng, but because of the wrong backing
Xiao Chunsheng's soaring life is about to begin, but He Hongling's hard days are coming?
From being discharged from the army, to the pressure of competition and miscarriage, to being intervened by the mother-in-law and losing the job...
He Hongling, who took off her military uniform, ushered in a real bump, and her heart to fight for her career continued to be bound by marriage, and marriage faced an emotional crisis because of her former unhappiness and jealousy with Ye Guohua.
The more you work hard, the more muddy you are, in sharp contrast to your predecessor Xiao Chunsheng.
On the one hand, career and marriage were both frustrated, but on the other hand, they finally ushered in a career outbreak, and He Xiaoling, a lover who has supported each other for many years, achieved positive results, which made many viewers feel that He Hongling lost watermelon and picked up sesame seeds and made the wrong choice.
The same is true of the views of many people in the play.
However, is He Hongling's current ups and downs really because she gave up Xiao Chunsheng?
Objectively speaking, these are originally two different things.
There are many forks in the road in life, we are always making choices, but the direction of progress is not predicted, an originally smooth and sweet relationship, sometimes will be separated due to time and other factors, not to do with right or wrong, more is fate.
A relationship facing the choice of bread and love, and there is no only correct result, He Hongling mistakenly chose the wrong time, so that her first love Xiao Chunsheng was unprepared to be backstabbed by love and friendship at the trough.
It was her injustice at this time that was criticized, not the breakup itself.
As early as when Xiao Chunsheng and He Hongling had differences because of the opportunity, the audience had found that the three views of the two and the spiritual level they pursued had come to a fork in the road, and it was only a matter of time before the two broke up.
Even if Xiao Chunsheng is not injured, he will most likely not be He Hongling's destination, and the tragedy of the latter is not to give up an honest lover who loves and respects himself wholeheartedly, not because of the loss of Xiao Chunsheng.
Rather, it stems from her contradictory personality, and the wrong way of belonging.
Compare He Hongling with another character, Zhao Xiaohui, and the problem is clear.
Both are people who have made imperfect choices in love.
Zhao Xiaohui chose love, but she chose a sunspot with many problems and a narrow and suspicious personality; He Hongling chose bread to temporarily guarantee her work resources, but she wanted to be with Ye Guohua, who she didn't love.
Comparing the two, you will find that whether you choose bread or love, the future life cannot only be sweet and bitter, ups and downs and challenges still exist, and all we can control is our attitude towards facing the future.
Zhao Xiaohui made a choice and moved forward decisively, trying to live with Kuroko, hoping to live a good life, even if the subsequent love ended in failure, the audience never heard Zhao Xiaohui say a word of "regret".
If Zhao Xiaohui after the divorce can travel through time to meet Zhao Xiaohui before marriage, Seven Words feels that she will not persuade her younger self to give up Kuroko, because her choice at that time was for her own heart, not Kuroko.
From a rational point of view, this choice is extremely insecure and imperfect, but from the perspective of the parties, this is what she thinks is the perfect choice, success makes her happy, fails she pays, decides, and accepts all results.
He Hongling is the opposite, she is a very contradictory person.
When she can't have it both ways, she likes to push the decision to people who value her, such as Qi Tian's former protection, which is also vividly reflected in the way she broke up with Xiao Chunsheng.
At that time, her heart was already inclined to bread, but she couldn't let herself open her mouth to mention breaking up, but used her emotions to kidnap Xiao Chunsheng to take the initiative to give up, unable to say that she broke up, she was really in love, forcing the other party to give up, and she couldn't let go of the temptation of bread.
And, let others push themselves, adding to the "legitimacy" of choosing bread for themselves.
Even the choice is so vague, how can it not be difficult to settle when the choice is "passive"? When she saw Xiao Chunsheng come out of her emotional pain, she was not happy that the other party had a new life, but blamed the other party for giving up on herself.
Reunited at the rink years later, everyone lives in the present, but she is still alive in the past.
Wanting the benefits of bread and not being able to convince herself to completely let go of the intention of abandoning love is an important influencing factor for He Hongling's bumpy marriage and even her bumpy life in the future, compared with Xiaohui, she lives too screwed.
However, the reason that prompted He Hongling to make a choice began with the wrong way to obtain a sense of belonging.
Zhao Xiaohui has a line when she divorced, seven sentences are very impressive, "marriage is my decision alone, divorce, I can solve it alone", simply put, whether married or divorced, she is dominating her life.
Her strongest backing is not a man, not love, but herself.
He Hongling mistakenly pinned her backing and sense of belonging on "bread", thinking that giving up love and choosing bread and having a green military uniform that she had longed for since childhood was to find a safe life home.
But ignoring this sense of belonging in the wrong way of obtaining, he cannot fully dominate it, but he places excessive expectations on it.
Therefore, when facing discharge, her first reaction was that the "home" where she could gain a sense of belonging was gone, and she sought resource support from her husband Ye Guohua, rather than facing her setbacks with confidence like Zhao Xiaohui.
In her subtlety, she has taken others as her own life backing, which has created He Hongling's increasingly passive life, and once the person she relies on changes, she can only passively accept the result.
Perhaps He Hongling after being discharged from the army is also aware of this problem, she strives to pursue her career, and does not want to be a person who is completely bound by her family, but the hidden dangers buried by this backing in the early stage are destined to be faced by her.
After surviving and changing the twisted outlook on life, He Hongling's future can still be counterattacked, if immersed in it, you can only lose yourself more and more, and continue to sink in regret and contradiction, that is the real tragedy of life.
There is another very intriguing place about He Hongling's contradictory character and wrong sense of belonging: their formation is still closely related to the growth environment and native family.
Although these two elements are often complained by netizens as "back-pot men", it is undeniable that they have a crucial impact on the formation of people's outlook on life and the core of thought.
He Hongling's childhood was grown up in anxiety, influenced by her parents and the times, she did not have an identity that could make her feel secure, and she longed to be strong, but to a certain extent, she inherited the contradictory character of her parents.
Looking back at the plot, you will find that He Hongling's change process is very intuitive.
Before learning that she had the opportunity to join the army, she was actually a person like Zhao Xiaohui who wanted to back herself up, although she indirectly received Qi Tianzhao's care, and her personality foreshadowing had been buried, but in principle it did not really change.
At that time, it was He Mu who constantly instilled in her the idea that choosing marriage depended on the background.
He Hongling was very resistant to her mother's concept, and she was once very firm after choosing Xiao Chunsheng, but when she really experienced the benefits of resources and enjoyed the dividends given by Ye Guohua, she began to waver.
The lack of total security created by the growing environment, and the concept of "choosing love will only lead a hard life like a mother" instilled by the original family still planted the seeds of contradiction in her heart.
She rejected these things, fought against them, but subconsciously generated recognition, long-term split impact of rejection and recognition, and buried the index for her contradictory character.
Just like the children who have been suppressed by their original families in today's society, they may not fully approve of their parents' evaluation of themselves, but they often subconsciously produce unconfidence because of their parents' disapproval.
Instilling the experience of misunderstanding oneself in the next generation, if not done in the right way, sometimes will not become a bargaining chip in their lives, and may destroy their original spiritual defense.
However, the native family may be, the growth environment, they can determine our starting point and where to run, but it is up to us to decide, they will make our search for direction difficult, but they cannot completely deprive us of life.
Just like Zhao Xiaohui and Ye Fang in the play.
The native family and growth environment they have experienced are no less than He Hongling's, but they have worked hard to create their own strong core in the process of growth, and finally broke free and completely determined the direction of their lives.
The future He Hongling can also do this, the premise is that she really sort out what she wants and move forward firmly, this road is difficult, ups and downs are the main keynote, but if you want to remove the fog, you can only face it boldly.