Original | Pregnancy
In the past two days, the video of #4-year-old boy being continuously thrown by men in the amusement park# has sparked heated discussions on the Internet.
The pregnant mother has watched the video countless times, and at first it was really just a small problem, and it is very normal for children to collide between children in the playground.
But the parents in the video took the most extreme approach.
The incident happened on May 15 in Guigang, Guangxi, a 4-year-old boy accidentally bumped into a girl while playing in an indoor children's playground.
One, two, three... The lower hand is heavier than the next.
Throughout the incident, the boy tried to pass between the girl and the man, and as soon as the man pulled it, the boy knocked the girl down.
Watching the moment when the man lifted the boy and fell down hard, I was really scared.
As a parent, how can I get my hands off, public playgrounds, it is normal to have collisions, why do you have to put such heavy hands.
After the boy's parents found out, they ran over to theorize with the man, and the two sides quarreled, and finally the boy's parents called the police.
According to the latest police report, the man was sentenced to 15 days of administrative detention for beating others.
There was conflict between children, there could have been a better way, this parent chose the worst, and finally suffered the bitter fruit.
Many netizens watched the video and were also angry:
"The child has slowed down, and he can't touch his child without pulling it."
"Pervert, violent tendencies! One day it will be vented on his wife and children. ”
"Arresting this demon and sentencing it is the crime of intentional injury!"
"Your own family is a child, someone else's is also a child, it is inevitable to play in the playground, there is no need for real violence, afraid of touching it is really in your own home."
"Children play, a little contact, no harm is caused, parents are so angry that they will storm their children."
That's right, it is really very abhorrent to fall such a young child in a row, and violence is not advisable at any time.
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Violence intervenes in conflicts between children
It will only harm others and harm themselves
To be honest, the above two children are not conflicted, simply the blind violent intervention of parents.
What pregnant mothers want to say is that parents, even if there is a conflict between children, they cannot intervene so violently.
Remember the previous orthopedic surgeon Lu Moumou beating children and the elderly?
Because of the violent intervention in the conflict between the children, the result was unreasonable, and he was also criminally detained.
There are really many, many such examples...
A 31-year-old father kicks his 2-year-old boy to the ground when he is pushed down by a 7-year-old boy in a shopping mall in Zhuhai, Guangdong Province.
This kick was for the child, but in the end, the man was also administratively detained by the police!
In a shopping mall in Shenzhen, two children clashed, one hit the other, the mother of the beaten child directly helped the child fight back, as a result, the two sides clashed fiercely, the two mothers cursed and cursed each other in front of the child.
The parents of the batterers feel: children should let them solve their own problems, adults should not interfere, let alone help beat!
The parents of the beaten feel: My child has suffered a loss, and if he can't beat it, he has to go on the field to educate each other!
In the end, the two got into a fight, one cursed the other vigorously, and the other angrily taught the child: next time, regardless of adults and children, beat him directly for me!
In the corner of an amusement park in Ningbo, Zhejiang, a 4-year-old girl and another girl competed for toys and were slapped to the ground by the other party's mother!
In a pleasure castle in Guangxi, two boys pulled while playing, and a 4-year-old boy was picked up by the opposing father's father and flew out like bowling, the scene was shocking.......
With such parents, what will happen to the children in the end?
Parents solve problems with violence, and children will learn the same!
②
Those impulsive heads out for children
It's all a curse for the child's future
We need to know that in fact, conflicts between children are all too common.
We have seen many children who are still arguing for the first 5 minutes and playing happily in the last 5 minutes.
The Japanese research team once observed a group of 3-year-old children playing together, and found that the children always carried out a cycle: grabbing toys - winning or losing - angry and silent - playing separately - getting back together and continuing to play.
In the process of children's growth, TAs always slowly master social skills in "conflict and reconciliation" and learn to deal with things on their own.
But if parents overreact to the conflict between children, scolding the street, scolding, and helping to fight, in such an environment, how children like blank sheets of paper will grow up, you can imagine.
Children with super imitation ability, or as irritable as their parents, will solve them violently!
Otherwise, the strength of parents will only scare the child, and he will not dare to play with others in the future, dare not take risks, dare not make friends, and dare not speak his thoughts!
We can understand that parents want to protect their children's hearts, but overreacting and acting violently will only backfire!
Without a bottom line, children see not how adults resolve conflicts, but how to make conflicts worse!
In the early years, when Qin Hao and Yi Nengjing's family participated in the show, they encountered such a thing.
Qin Hao was bullied by a male classmate in kindergarten because his daughter rice grains were bullied, and he was so distressed that he cried.
Image source: @芒果tv
Yi Nengjing said that Migrain was knocked down by a boy at school, and Mirim was very clever enough to tell the teacher, and the teacher immediately asked the boy to apologize, and the matter was quickly resolved.
But since then, the little boy has always intentionally or unintentionally bumped and squeezed rice grains, and what makes people distressed is that the millet grains do not resist, so they have been hiding and not fighting back.
Being squeezed into the corner of the wall, also smiled and greeted his mother, Qin Hao couldn't help but cry when he heard this: Don't say it, I feel distressed!
When his daughter was bullied, he was distressed and angry, and even said: "If his parents can't educate, I will fly back now..." ”
Mother Qin immediately stopped what Qin Hao was going to say next: Adults on the issue of children, your responsibility is to educate your own children, parents do not intervene in the contradictions between children!
That's right, conflicts between children are solved wherever they occur, let the children solve it themselves, if they can't solve it, there will be teachers to negotiate and communicate to solve it, and adults impulsively intervene is harmful!
③
Compared to violent intervention
It is better to teach children to protect and deal with conflicts and protect themselves
Conflicts and collisions between children, should parents intervene?
It depends, but the answer is by no means violent intervention.
Pregnant mothers believe that no parent encourages children to solve problems with violence, then we should make a correct demonstration of solving problems, not a demonstration: son, come, see how I beat people!
When children are bullied, it is allowed to resist and protect themselves, but it is necessary to stop in moderation, and cannot ask a group of people to "call back" afterwards, and it is even more not okay for adults to help fight back.
Conflicts between children do not rise to the parents, this is the most basic.
So what should parents do when children are in conflict? How do you deal with this kind of thing happening?
First: Understand what happened and judge the nature of the event
The most important point is to distinguish between an ordinary conflict and a bullying incident.
If the child is not bullied as a specific object, it is basically an ordinary conflict between children.
Second: where conflicts occur, they are resolved
Where the conflict occurs, communicate and solve it, if it is in the playground, find the playground administrator, if it is at school, go directly to the teacher, parents must not go to the child, find the parent to confront.
Third: Conflicts between children should adhere to the principle of equality
To put it bluntly, it is a conflict between children, to fight back is also to let the child shoot, not parents to fight back, children quarrel and fight is not illegal, adults to hit children is illegal!
Fourth: Let the child try to solve the problem on his own
Children must be inseparable from various conflicts in the process of getting along, parents do not have to rush to intervene, let the child try to solve the problem by himself, ask the child what he wants to do?
If the child can fight for his rights in a reasonable and non-harmful way, and the two parties can reach an agreement, then why not?
My nephew was pushed to the ground by classmates at school, and a large layer of skin was wiped off his leg, which looked very distressing.
My nephew has a gentle personality and is not strong, and he can't push it back on the spot, and his parents asked him how you want to deal with this matter, and he said: I want the other party to apologize!
The next day, the parents found the teacher, the teacher told the other parent, the parent went back to educate the child, my nephew also got an apology from his classmates, and the next day, the two were still happy at school, is this result better than violent intervention.
In the case of ensuring that the child will not be harmed, parents should let go appropriately, listen to what the child wants to deal with, or let the child try to solve the problem on his own, so that the child will find a way to get along!
Fifth: Teach children to handle conflicts correctly
Children's social play is also a small river, so when children enter their small rivers and lakes, parents must consciously cultivate their children's ability to deal with conflicts.
Encourage your child to express attitudes and state needs
Maintain good communication with children, encourage children to boldly use language to show attitudes, say their thoughts and needs, good communication can help children think, parents can also grasp the situation in time, and help children deal with conflicts.
● Teach children to reject unfriendly behavior
It is right to teach children to be polite, but let children be a "not easy to mess with" person, and when they are bullied or robbed of toys, they must refuse and resist in time: it is not right for you to do this! Can't grab toys! Can't hit people!
Tell your child to express dissatisfaction and anger to try to be loud, firm, and look directly at the other person!
● Teach children to defend themselves justifiably
Li Meijin once told about what happened to her granddaughter in the program: her granddaughter was picked up by a little boy in kindergarten and thrown away, her face hit a stool, and she swollen.
She told her granddaughter: The next time you encounter this situation, he picks you up and you can't break free, then you grab her ears with both hands, pull on both sides, and he puts you down when he hurts.
At that time, many people thought that expert Li Meijin blindly supported the child to "beat back" if he was beaten, but thinking about it, her "fight back" was not to support violence against violence, but to teach children how to protect themselves from being bullied.
What is fighting violence with violence?
It's someone else who hits you, and you hit someone else's twice; Others hit you twice, you hit others four!
Legitimate defense means stopping the violence of the other party and not using additional violence!
(Image source: CCTV)
Of course, if it is a conflict with a child with a disparity in strength, you must also tell the child to be flexible, do not fight hard, run to a crowded place in time for help, or directly find a teacher to deal with it, this is not escape, this is to protect yourself.
● Let children make their own decisions
Some psychologists have said: Children who are accustomed to solving problems by themselves from an early age can grow up to calmly deal with difficulties and make good decisions.
So sometimes, in a controlled situation, let the children solve the problem on their own, adults have their own way of dealing with things, children also have, in their world, let them make their own decisions!
Along the way of children's growth, contradictions and conflicts are inevitable.
Instead of blocking the way in front of the child to shield the child from the wind and rain and do everything, it is better to teach the child to learn to deal with it and teach her/him how to deal with others!
Finally, I hope that every parent can treat their children rationally when facing their children's previous conflicts and can help their children in a legal and reasonable way!
Violence is never the best solution!