Many parents don't realize that getting their children through adolescence healthily is the number one priority.
01 "Depressed girl jumps from the 8th floor in the early morning." Yesterday's hot search news on Sina Weibo, I believe many people have paid attention.
02
Below this hot search entry, there are many comments. One of the messages I most disgusted and disgusted with was the following: "I have not seen a poor person who is depressed, and I rarely heard the word depression before 2,000 years." Most of the people in the past lived a hard time, working hard to live a good life if they could eat well. People now live better, have more ideas, and are more vulnerable. ”
03
Why am I so disgusted by this message? Because this message is not only ignorant, but also arrogant. Why is he said to be ignorant? First: He said the term depression was rarely heard before 2,000. What he meant: "Very few people suffered from depression before 2,000. "Nobody had depression back then." Were there very few people with depression at that time? Not. The problem of depression is not a modern disease, it has been around for a long time, it has been around since ancient times, but at that time psychological problems were not taken seriously, and there was no corresponding discipline, so it would appear very little, not really very few.
04
Second: He said I haven't seen a poor person who is depressed. Shouldn't the poor be depressed? Not. According to the statistics of "China Health Statistics Yearbook 2020", in 2019, China's urban suicide rate was 4.16/100,000, and the rural suicide rate was 7.04/100,000, and the first cause of suicide is depressive disorder. What does it mean that the suicide rate among rural residents is much higher than that among urban residents? It shows that the proportion of depression in low-income groups is much higher than that in middle- and high-income groups.
05
Third: He said that most of the people's lives in the past were hard work, but now people's lives are better, they have more ideas, and they are more fragile. What he meant: "Depression is idleness." "Depression is what it does." Is this really the case? Looking at the data released by the Ministry of Health, we can see that in the 90s of last century, China's suicide mortality rate was 19.85 per 100,000. And now: the suicide rate of urban residents is 4.16 per 100,000, the suicide rate of rural residents is 7.04 per 100,000, and the combined suicide rate of urban and rural areas is 5.29 per 100,000, far lower than in the 90s of the last century. What does this mean: It shows that as incomes rise and lives get better, the number of people suffering from depression does not increase, but decreases. The reason why there are more people with depression now is because depression is getting more and more attention.
06
Why should I spend so much ink talking about such a message? Because this message represents the thinking of a large part of the group. It is that many parents, like this commenter, think that depression is not a disease, think that depression is made, and feel that depression is idle. There is a saying from WHO: "For children with depression, the family is often the source, the mood is not resolved, and no one wants to listen." Blindly blaming, distrusting and scolding continue to deepen the burden on children, which will evolve into a disease. ”
07
I forget if it was last year or the year before last, I saw a news on Weibo, written by a psychologist. The doctor accepted a child with severe depression, and the child was reading in the hospital, and the doctor praised her: "This child is really hardworking." The child's mother pouted: "Work hard, fake hard work." "The words were full of contempt and mockery. The doctor stomped his foot in a hurry: "You said and said again..." Half an hour later, the child jumped from the 9th floor.
08
In recent years, the psychology community has made a summary, that is, "20 sentences that you must not say to depressed patients": 1. "You don't look like you're sick?" 2. "You just think too much." 3. "Your disease is made." 4. "You are just too idle, you are idle." 5. "You're pretentious." 6. "What the hell are you depressed?" 7. "Don't always feel sorry for yourself, okay?" 8. "You're so selfish." 9. "You've made me feel bad." 10. "Come on, don't pretend." 11. "Why don't you face this well?" 12. "You are so glassy that you will break when you touch it!" 13. "What do you want, do you want others to pity you?" 14. "What the hell are you so depressed about?" I really obeyed you. 15. "What do you have to be depressed about, I have experienced more suffering than you" 16. "The same thing others are not depressed, why are you depressed?" 17. "Everyone is facing all kinds of problems, why can't you?" 18. "You are because there are too many negative things, which is why you are like today." 19. "Everyone has their own problems, everyone has not had an easy time, some people are much worse than you." 20. "Don't always say death, it's too obscure to die." "Did you say all of that? I'm sure many people have said it.
09
Why do many children go down the path of suicide? That is, after he suffered from depression, not only did he not get the understanding of his parents, but he also suffered from the blame and ridicule of his parents. Psychologist Li Songwei has a good saying: "When we encounter problems in children, the biggest misunderstanding is that we do not face problems with children, but always feel that we are facing a child with problems." We put all the finger on children: Why are you hurting yourself? Why don't you go to school? Have you ever wondered what to do in the future? This is actually putting the child in a position to fight alone. There are some seemingly 'problem' behaviors that they use to solve problems. And parents just want their children to stop using these methods, and that's it. Of course, parents can. But how to solve the real problem? We don't touch it. ”
10
There is a topic on the Internet: Why don't children tell their parents about anything now? The most praised answer below is: "Most parents will not understand you, you tell them how you feel, they say you are hypocritical, you tell them that you are sick, they say it is not that you do not drink water, do not take good care of yourself." Try to be mentally independent and don't ask anyone to save you, including your parents. ”
11 Many parents do not know why their children get depression and do not understand why their children want to die. In fact, the answer is very simple, as one netizen said: "It's because of you, because of your stupid 'education', their self-confidence is consumed little by little, worn out, every day is denied, and even depression will be said to be pretending to be sick, saying that you don't want to go to school and don't want to do things, in this environment, it's indeed more comfortable to die than to live, isn't it?" Among the causes of adolescent depression, there is always a position that parents cannot shake. To put it a hard word: many parents don't realize that getting their children through adolescence healthily is the number one priority. 12 After some children commit suicide, many people say, "What about his parents?" "Her parents are so pathetic." But the famous psychologist Brafman once said: "No, most of the time, children commit suicide, and the parents are not the victims, but the perpetrators." 13 Finally, let's talk about Brafman. Brafman is a well-known psychologist in the United Kingdom and a psychological counselor at the National Health Centre in the United Kingdom. He worked in child and adolescent counseling for 50 years, and then wrote a book called "Seeing Children, Seeing Yourself". Parents who care can read this book. In the book, Brafman says: "Truly mature parents don't just want to deal with their children's problems, but deal with their children's feelings first, and when parents finally know what is torturing their children and try to change the way they treat their children, the children's symptoms will basically disappear." ”
Gleaning