In 1937, 17-year-old Zhang Ailing graduated from high school and planned to apply for the University of London. After her mother found out, she specially returned from England to prepare her for studying abroad. However, his father was furious, disagreeing that she had just graduated, so he listened to his mother's instigation and stayed away from him.
At this time, the stepmother was also fanning the flames next to her: "Since your mother has left this house, don't worry about family affairs." If you are reluctant, even if you come back, you are only worthy of being an aunt. ”
Zhang Ailing listened, feeling a little sad, and could only return to her mother to seek comfort. Two weeks later, he felt that his father and stepmother's anger should subside, and she returned home uneasy.
Unexpectedly, after her stepmother, who was rubbing mahjong, saw her, she walked over and raised her hand to slap: "Do you still have me as a mother in your eyes?" ”
Zhang Ailing was blinded and ran to the room with her legs pulled, but her stepmother did not adhere to it, pulled her hard, and wanted to continue beating her.
Zhang ailing
At this time, Zhang Ailing's father came over from afar, and her stepmother immediately changed her face: "Look at the seed you raised, you actually started to beat me, I won't live." ”
Without asking the reason, his father rushed downstairs and grabbed Zhang Ailing's hair, pushed and shoved, and slashed her head and covered her face. Afterwards, Zhang Ailing was also locked up in a small black room.
This level is half a year, and this half year has also changed Zhang Ailing's life.
1. Lonely childhood
Zhang Ailing is an authentic lady.
Her grandfather was Zhang Peilun and her maternal great-grandfather was Li Hongzhang, both of whom were famous ministers of the late Qing Dynasty, and by her parents' generation, the family had failed.
Before the age of 4, Zhang Ailing lived quite happily.
At that time, her father would discuss the storyline of the book with her, and her mother would urge her to study and teach her to read.
Although my father was old-fashioned, he liked to touch fresh food, eat imported canned food, buy different cars, and choose an English name.
The mother is fashionable, elegant and tasteful, and the family is happy together.
Zhang Ailing wrote down these good memories:
"The day by day of childhood is warm and slow, just like the sun basking on the pink velvet inside the old cotton boots."
Later, his father did not seek advancement, squandered his ancestral property, smoked a lot of cigarettes, visited the land of fireworks, and secretly raised his aunt outside. Her mother is a woman with pursuits, she is not used to her husband's actions, and she decides to abandon her family and abandon her son to study abroad.
Zhang Ailing's mother
In 1924, when Zhang Ailing was 4 years old, her mother and aunt went to study in England together.
The absence of her mother means that Zhang Ailing has lost her mother's love since she was a child. And her father often stayed up at night and did not care about her upbringing.
When Zhang Ailing was 14 years old, her father married Zhang Ailing to a stepmother, and the stepmother was not good at all to Zhang Ailing's siblings.
She often stirred up discord, so that Zhang Ailing was severely beaten by her father, and often let Zhang Ailing wear the clothes she eliminated.
Zhang Ailing grew up silently in such an environment, endured loneliness and loneliness, and lived carefully.
She sees her home as a prison for humanity, and she wants to escape from it and go to a place where she has freedom.
She wanted to find freedom through her studies, so after graduating from secondary school, she was ready to apply for the University of London, but her father and stepmother objected.
Her father thought that Zhang Ailing was a white-eyed wolf for her to eat, drink, and study, but as soon as she graduated, she wanted to leave, and her stepmother also added oil and vinegar to her side, and finally her father locked her up.
Zhang ailing
During her detention, Zhang Ailing suffered from dysentery - fever, abdominal pain, blood in the stool, and she was tortured by the pain and almost died.
The father turned a blind eye to this, and the old maid went to ask her stepmother to ask the doctor to come.
Her father's injury made Zhang Ailing feel desperate, and she decided to seek the life she wanted.
By chance, she climbed out of the window and went to live with her mother.
But as the days went by, her mother was always impatient with her.
Although her mother is better than her father, she cannot communicate with her mother.
Therefore, Zhang Ailing's childhood is gray.
Without love and warmth, her feels insecure. It is also this unsound emotional experience that lays hidden dangers for her future emotions.
Zhang Ailing's mother
2. Hu Lancheng, who falls in love with flowers
In 1944, 24-year-old Zhang Ailing rose to prominence in the Shanghai literary scene with excellent works such as "The First Incense" and "Love in the City".
One day, Hu Lancheng was idle at home and accidentally saw the novel "Blockade" written by Zhang Ailing.
Hu Lancheng feels that the man in the novel is very similar to himself, and he wants to find a woman who knows his heart, but he can't get rid of the shackles of reality.
Zhang Ailing's writing is fresh and soft, and the characters are portrayed very well, which makes Hu Lancheng, who likes to write, impressed, and he was full of curiosity about Zhang Ailing, so he immediately asked someone to inquire about Zhang Ailing's residence.
Hu Lancheng
Hu Lancheng wanted to visit Zhang Ailing, but he was afraid of offending her. So, he first wrote an article to express his praise for Zhang Ailing:
"Her novels and essays, like her paintings, have a classical ... It is such a youthful beauty. Reading her works is like walking on a piano, making music with every step... Lu Xun has her after her, she is a great seeker! ”
Such praise was almost to the point of flattery, but after Zhang Ailing saw it, she did not go to her heart.
Hu Lancheng saw that she had no reaction and decided to visit the door, but she was closed. Hu Lancheng was not in a hurry, and wrote her another letter:
Mr. Ailing Yajian: Ascend high and feel inferior, and go far and far. Yesterday I returned from your place and sang these eight words in my heart. The clouds and shadows of Shanghai, the infinite beauty of the world, all flow through your window... Eighteen martial arts, no match for your slender hands...
After reading this letter, Zhang Ailing not only admired Hu Lancheng's talent, but also was happy to see such praise, and her heart began to be full of expectation.
Zhang ailing
A few days later, Hu Lancheng visited Zhang Ailing again.
This time, he handed in a note through the crack of the door, writing the reason for the visit, home address and phone number, and wanted to meet Zhang Ailing.
Zhang Ailing didn't want Hu Lancheng to mistakenly think that she was rejecting him. The next day, she contacted Hu Lancheng, and the two agreed on a time and place to meet.
After meeting, Hu Lancheng saw that Zhang Ailing was not good-looking, her body was thin, there was neither charming charm nor seductive ups and downs, and he was a little disappointed.
But later, he knew that Zhang Ailing had a prominent family lineage and good taste, and he thought of his ex-wife, current wife and Yingying Yanyan around him, all of whom could not be on the table.
He plans to catch Zhang Ailing, who comes from a famous family and is a famous writer, because it makes him feel very faced.
He began to coax Zhang Ailing with sweet words, this Fengyue expert is very good at pinching women, he gives Zhang Ailing fatherly care, and gives her husband-like tenderness.
This made Zhang Ailing, who lacked father's love and yearned for love since she was a child, soon fell into Hu Lancheng's gentle trap.
Zhang ailing
In the face of Hu Lancheng's love words, Zhang Ailing not only did not have the slightest guard, but also doubled down on her infatuation, and she said a lot of self-deprecating and bottomless words:
1. Seeing him, she became very low, low to the dust. But her heart was joyful, and flowers bloomed from the dust.
2. You man, I can't wait to wrap the bag, like a sachet, sew it with dense needles and threads, and hide it in a suitcase.
3. I myself have thought about myself a thousand times, I am willing to fall in love with the kind and talented elderly, even if it is 40 years older or even 60 years older than me, those hairy boys, I will let those silly girls enjoy!
4. I have already considered that you can come and go with me when you stand up, and I don't diligently pursue one thing and one thing.
It can be seen how deeply Zhang Ailing has fallen! Don't care about Hu Lan's adult growth, don't care that he has a wife and children, don't want fame.
In the end, she also found a reason for her contempt: because she understands, she is compassionate.
But the truth is, to be compassionate to others is to fool yourself. Zhang Ailing loves so humbly and without a bottom line, don't expect Hu Lancheng to pay attention to her.
3. Marriage breakdown
Soon after, the two got married, and Hu Lancheng also forged a marriage certificate, which said: Hu Lancheng and Zhang Ailing signed a lifelong contract and became a couple. May the years be quiet and the present world be stable.
Zhang Ailing and Hu Lancheng
Such a rash marriage, Zhang Ailing actually accepted it, because Hu Lancheng gave a reason:
"I'm afraid that the situation will change in the future, and I am worried that my identity will drag you down, and this is also a trade-off."
Zhang Ailing is very grateful to Hu Lancheng for her thoughtfulness, not only does she not want Hu Lancheng's money, but she is also willing to use her fame to promote Hu Lancheng's books.
Hu Lancheng bought a lot of books and made a lot of money, but only gave Zhang Ailing a little bit.
Zhang Ailing is not only not angry, but also happy that her husband has his own existence in his eyes, and she happily takes the fraction to buy clothes.
At this point, Zhang Ailing's love seems to be happy and happy. But rivers and mountains are easy to change, and nature is difficult to shift.
The two married for less than a year, and due to the defeat of Japan, Hu Lancheng became a Han. Traitorous, he fled to Wuhan for refuge.
In Wuhan, Hu Lancheng used his usual tricks to hook up with a Zhou nurse, and the two were inseparable, and Hu Lancheng got a marriage certificate and married her.
Zhang Ailing, on the other hand, waited infatuatively at home for Hu Lancheng to return home and reunited, rejecting many admirers who came to visit.
But the paper couldn't contain the fire after all, and Hu Lancheng confessed to Zhang Ailing about his marriage to Nurse Zhou.
Zhang ailing
After Zhang Ailing listened, she was just shocked, she thought that she would leave Hu Lancheng, but inexplicably, she actually endured it, and this will only make Hu Lancheng more fearless.
On the way to Wenzhou to escape, he hitched a ride with his mother-in-law, Fan Xiumei, a classmate. He did not dislike Fan Xiumei's old age and had a child with her.
Fan Xiumei wanted to give up the child, and Hu Lancheng wrote to Zhang Ailing to ask for money. This time, Zhang Ailing endured it again, and also exchanged her bracelet for money and operated on Fan Xiumei.
Zhang Ailing's tolerance and dedication are taken for granted in Hu Lancheng's opinion, but Zhang Ailin also has a tired day.
She traveled a long way to Hu Lancheng's side, but Hu Lancheng thought she was an eyesore, and Zhang Ailing was very sad and asked him to make a choice.
Unexpectedly, Hu Lan did not want her, nor Nurse Zhou, but chose Fan Xiumei, who was a half-old.
Frustrated, Zhang Ailing decided to divorce Hu Lancheng, and she wrote a breakup letter:
"I don't like you anymore. You don't like me for a long time... I'm not for you women, but because there will never be happiness with you. Do not come to me, even if you write letters, and I will not read them. ”
This wrong love destroyed not only Zhang Ailing's love, but also her writing talent.
Eileen Chang and friends
Because of Hu Lancheng's identity, Zhang Ailing suffered a lot of abuse, and the books she wrote were not read. Zhang Ailing was distraught all day long and could not calm down to write a book.
At this time, a man named Sang Arc entered her life.
4. He has been in love with Sang Arc for a long time, and he has not achieved positive results
Sang Arc is a director, and he wants to invite Zhang Ailing to be a screenwriter and make her works into movies.
At first, Zhang Ailing was not interested, after all, because of Hu Lancheng, she had not written for almost 2 years.
But Sang Arc has always encouraged her, and also used her connections to help Zhang Ailing publish books.
Mulberry arc
Under his trust, Zhang Ailing regained confidence and soon wrote the movie script "No Love", and after the movie was released, it became a hit, and Zhang Ailing's name became popular throughout Shanghai again.
Sang Arc decided to chase after the victory and make another movie, this movie called "Mrs. Wai Age". On the second day of the movie's release, it dominated the front pages of major newspapers and magazines, shaking the entire entertainment industry again.
The success of these two films, Zhang Ailing not only gained honor and money, but also gained love.
However, Zhang Ailing sent all the 300,000 earned to Hu Lancheng. From then on, the two were strangers, and she planned to start accepting Sang Arc.
The movie "No Mercy"
Zhang Ailing is very close to Sang Arc because of work, plus Sang Arc also loves to write, and the two have a common topic.
Soon after, they were naturally together.
This time, Zhang Ailing is also in love, and she compromises with Sang Arc infinitely.
Sang Arc's words, an action, she took it to heart. Love is so humble, this relationship is not destined to last.
Zhang Ailing has an overcoat, and its hem is decorated with wool spikes, just because Sang Arc said that this decoration looks a little strange, Zhang Ailing cut it off without saying a word.
But if someone else said this, she would only pretend not to hear it.
Another time, Sang Arc asked her: "You never wear makeup?" Because of this sentence, Zhang Ailing began to learn makeup.
Later, when the two went to see a movie, Sang Arc suddenly made a face because he saw Zhang Ailing's makeup.
With Sang Arc, Zhang Ailing is a little inferior, because Sang Arc is very good-looking.
In order to make herself pretty, Zhang Ailing has always washed her face with cold water, but was later stopped by her aunt when she found out.
But even with such concessions, Sang Arc still minded her relationship with Hu Lancheng.
Zhang Ailing and Sang Arc
After the two were together, Zhang Ailing did not have menstruation for 2 months, thinking that she was pregnant.
Sang Arc took him to the hospital for examination, but the doctor said: "You are not pregnant, it is the broken cervix that caused you to not have menstruation, and it is difficult for you to get pregnant in the future." ”
In fact, she suffered a cervical injury because of the previous induction of labor. But the doctor's words made Zhang Ailing feel helpless.
This incident also made the distance between the two more and more distant, Sang Arc finally married someone else, Zhang Ailing decided to leave Shanghai and go away.
Later, Zhang Ailing said: "She never regretted the incident of Sang Arc, because she was lucky to have him at that time." ”
After all, it was the mulberry arc that pulled her out of the abyss.
5. The marriage combination of old husband and young wife
In 1955, at the age of 35, Zhang Ailing went to the United States and lived in a literary camp - free accommodation for talented writers.
Eileen Chang's green card
Here, she met the third man in her life, Laiya.
Laiya, who taught at MIT, later resigned to become a freelance writer. When I met Zhang Ailing, Lai Ya was 64 years old.
Lai Ya is very good at chatting and cares about Zhang Ailing, so that Zhang Ailing, who has been adrift all the way, has a safe dependency. This time, she easily accepted Laiya.
Not long after the two lived together, Zhang Ailing found out that she was pregnant.
This was her first child, and she told Raiya about this joy, but Raiya said: "I will marry you, provided that I don't want this child." ”
Zhang Ailing knows that with the current economic conditions, she cannot raise this child. So, she reluctantly agreed to Laiya's request.
In 1956, the two married after less than half a year of acquaintance, and they also moved to San Francisco.
Zhang Ailing and Lai Ya
When she first got married, Lai Ya treated Zhang Ailing very well, making her breakfast and coffee every morning, and taking her to New York.
However, this happy day did not last long and was interrupted by Laiya.
One morning two months later, Raiya suffered a stroke and was confined to bed rest. In fact, before this, Laiya had already had a stroke and broke her leg.
But this stroke was very serious, and Raiya lost her ability to take care of her life.
Zhang Ailing took care of Lai Ya while writing, covering the living expenses of the two. But there was little response to her submissions, and their lives were difficult.
Fortunately, at this time, a company wanted to change her work "Yangge" into a screenplay, and gave her a salary of more than $1,000, but she could only withstand it for a while.
The work "Yangge"
Fortunately, Laiya's condition improved, but in order to save money, they had to live in cheap government-provided accommodation and go to the flea market.
However, not long after, Lai Ya fell again and was paralyzed in bed, and Zhang Ailing began to take care of him day and night again until 1967, when Lai Ya died at the age of 76.
6. Write at the end
Some people say that Zhang Ailing's second marriage is simply "backwards", Lai Ya seems to have been sick all the time, Zhang Ailing is too hard, I really don't know why I am with him.
Perhaps, it is related to Zhang Ailing's lack of father's love since she was a child, and Lai Ya will pamper her like her father. He is not like Hu Lancheng, who talks all day and does not have a word of truth in his mouth, and he is very sincere with Zhang Ailing.
Lai Ya would accompany her shopping, decorate her home, remember Zhang Ailing's annual lunar birthday, and even make a will in advance: leave all her property to Zhang Ailing.
Although the savings are not much, it is enough to prove that Laiya loves her. Otherwise, why didn't he secretly make a will and leave his property to his daughter.
Although Lai Ya's death alleviated Zhang Ailing's hard work, she became more withdrawn and introverted, and was not sociable at all.
Zhang Ailing and Lai Ya
In order to avoid the crowd, she moved more than 180 times, but she could not find a place to feel at ease, and frequent moves made her even poorer.
On September 8, 1995, 28 years after Laiya's death, Zhang Ailing died in her Los Angeles apartment, only to be discovered 7 days later, leaving a will:
1. Cremation immediately after death, no one can see the body;
2. No funeral ceremonies are held;
3. The ashes are scattered in the open and uninhabited place;
4. The relics and all property were left to Song Qi and his wife.
The reason why Zhang Ailing mentioned in her will that she would not let people see the body is probably because she had a hunch that she lived alone and would not be found until she died for a long time.
In her later years, Zhang Ailing
Throughout Zhang Ailing's life, it is indeed regrettable!
She has been pursuing love all her life, and it seems that every paragraph is a lot she gives, but the end is not good.
She responded forcefully to Hu Lancheng's love, but Hu Lancheng did not cherish her and hurt her to the bone.
She tried her best to accommodate Sang Arc, but Sang Arc was never able to fully accept Zhang Ailing, and finally left her.
I finally met Laiya, a good man, but he was old and frail and could not be her safe haven.
From beginning to end, she can only rely on herself, she wants happiness, she wants the warmth of home, but she can never get it.
Perhaps, she can be described in one sentence: happy people heal childhood with a lifetime, unfortunate people cure childhood with a lifetime.
What do you think about this? Welcome to leave a comment in the comments to discuss.
#情感点评大赏 #