Text/Han Meiichi
01
Approaching the New Year, more and more families are holding happy events.
In contrast, ordinary families have more pressure on men than women to do marriages.
For the man, basically getting married, from the bride price in the garage to the miscellaneous expenses, it costs a lot of money.
If there is only one child in the family, it is better to say, at least the pressure on the parents will be less;
If it is a family of two sons, or even three sons, unless the family conditions are very good, otherwise, the sons get married, the parents have to worry about it: the preparation for the sons is different, it is bound to cause contradictions, if it is prepared for the sons are the same, that one son gives some, together, the parents really can't take so many things.
In short, when a son gets married, it is his parents who pay a lot, and most of the troubled people are still parents.
In fact, in the matter of marriage, parents and children should understand each other a little:
For sons, don't blindly "force" their parents in order to get married, how much they have the ability to do as much as they can, and what kind of wife they can marry; And for parents, don't rush to urge marriage, you can help as much as you can, you really can't care, then don't hit the swollen face and fill the fat, let the son find a way to discuss with the woman, and must not take the idea by yourself.
Between the family, if nothing else, at least you have to think differently, and you can't patronize yourself.
02
Chen Ling (pseudonym), married her husband Daqiang on the eighteenth of last month, she was married for just one year, this year she originally accompanied Daqiang back for the New Year with a good mood, who knows, she only returned to her in-laws' house for two days, she faced a big problem.
"To be honest, what I complained about the most was not my mother-in-law, but my husband and my little brother-in-law, who should have tried to solve the problem for the two men, but they all said nothing and couldn't get an idea! My mother-in-law found me here, I will help, but it can't meet her expectations, and I am not left behind; If you don't help, that mother-in-law will definitely spill all her anger on me. Anyway, you can't do it well! ”
What happened to make Chen Ling feel so emotional?
In fact, it is related to her little brother-in-law Daqi.
Da Qi and his girlfriend were engaged, intending to get married after the Lantern Festival next year, which was originally a good thing, but the conditions proposed by the woman made Da Qi difficult.
The woman's request is to buy a small three-bedroom apartment (at least 300,000 down payment) at the place where the two work, and then pay a bride price of 100,000 yuan and a car within 100,000.
Although after communication, the woman finally made a concession, saying that the car could not be bought temporarily, but the house, bride price, plus the wedding, and other expenses, these are not a small amount.
为此，大齐纠结不已：结这个婚吧，他家里实在是没有这么多的钱，可不结吧，他又放不下和女朋友的两年感情。
Chen Ling's in-laws felt sorry for their younger son and were reluctant to let the younger son marry his daughter-in-law, and after some thought, her father-in-law decided to ask relatives and friends to borrow another loan with an old face, and her mother-in-law found Chen Ling here.
What does mother-in-law mean?
She said that Chen Ling has no children now, and she just has some savings in her hand, so it is better to help. In the future, when Daqi gets married, she and her father-in-law will definitely work hard to earn money and strive to compensate Chen Ling.
"That's right, Lingling, when I married you into the door and gave you a hundred thousand bride price, you borrow me first!" You have plenty of money in your hands, and there is no place to use money, so save me, who is a mother, first! You see, you and Qianqian are both my daughters-in-law, the bride price is the same, and my mother is not partial to any of you! Of course, you can rest assured that when your brother and sister marry into the door, they will return the money to you! Besides, when your dad and I save up again, we'll give you some more in private! ”
Hearing her mother-in-law's words, Chen Ling was instantly dumbfounded.
When she got married last year, her mother-in-law did give her a bride price of 100,000, and her parents gave her a dowry of 120,000 at that time, all of which she brought back! Although she has a little money in her hand and is not in a hurry to use it, she lends her bride price money to her mother-in-law to marry her younger siblings, and she feels wrong no matter how she thinks!
In case the mother-in-law breaks her word, marries her brother and sister, and no longer pays her money, then who will she reason with? Or, if the mother-in-law does not return the 100,000 yuan from her brother and sister at that time, then on the condition of the mother-in-law's family, what will the mother-in-law take to pay her back? Taking a step back, even if the mother-in-law wants to return the money and return her, is that equivalent to cheating the younger siblings? Will the younger brother and sister transfer this resentment to her then? The last point, the mother-in-law said well, in the future and the father-in-law made money, and then secretly give her a little, if you let the younger brothers and sisters know, should you complain that the mother-in-law blindly favors her?
The more she thought about it, the more Chen Ling felt that it was not right to do anything, she asked her husband, originally hoping that her husband Daqiang could come forward to solve it, who knows, Da Qiang threw down a sentence "Since Mom asked you in person, then you will answer according to your inner thoughts", and no longer cares.
Chen Ling thought about it, and in the end, she didn't say not to borrow, nor did she say to borrow, but told her mother-in-law that she might as well let Daqi discuss with her future brothers and sisters again to see if the matter of the house could give in a little more, and then the bride price money would be solved.
"Mom, it stands to reason that I shouldn't have bothered with this, but since you asked me, let me also tell you what I think! Daqi's salary is not high, and the pressure to buy a small three-room is not small, it is not as good as buying a smaller house, can't a small two-room also live in? I married Daqiang, you gave a down payment of 150,000 yuan when I bought a house, and we didn't ask for a car at that time, so can Daqi also slightly lower the standard of down payment? In this way, the bride price money will naturally be saved, and you don't have to be so embarrassed with your father! You said that you treat your two daughters-in-law equally, and even so, the house matter cannot be too different. ”
I didn't expect Chen Ling to say this, my mother-in-law was a little angry, she said that the city where Chen Ling is in and the city where the two children of Da Qi are are different, the house price will naturally be different, even if you buy a small two rooms for Da Qi, it is estimated that you can't save much money, and you have to borrow it then! Instead of this, it is better to borrow a bride price money, why let the two of them make a fuss because of the house again?
"Lingling, you don't have to feel unfair in your heart, didn't I say that? In the future, save money with your dad and secretly compensate you a little! You said that you are also a member of the family, and in the future, you and your brother and sister will be members of our family, so you two should help each other a little, right? Your father and I earn and earn, and the money earned will still be left to you, after all, we will still count on you in the future. For the sake of us all being a family, help mom! ”
Seeing her mother-in-law talking to this point, Chen Ling felt that she had no reason not to help anymore, she understood that it was not easy for her in-laws to raise her two sons, but she didn't want to be the "wronged boss", and she didn't want to be involved with her younger siblings too much because of money, after all, the relationship between Yu Ling is not good, if money is involved again, it is likely to make the two people die of old age.
"Mom, this is good, Da Qiang and I haven't saved much money this year, so let's give you 30,000!" You and Dad will return it when they have the ability, it's really not enough, just me and Da Qiang honor you and Dad! As for Daqi's bride price, I think you should talk to him again, let him persuade his younger siblings, or think of another way! I may have children in these two years, and the cost will not be small by then, I must also have some money in my hand to respond to an emergency, I really can't help, I can't borrow so much money from you! ”
Hearing Chen Ling's words, her mother-in-law changed her face immediately, and she said that Chen Ling had a plan, and when she heard about borrowing money, she quickly said that she wanted a child; He also said that Chen Ling was careful and made it clear that he was afraid that she would not pay back and was guarding against her!
"Lingling, I really treat you as a family, so I opened this mouth! In order to marry you, my family spent a lot of money on you before and after, and now I want you to borrow some money, you are all this and that, it's really chilling! ”
Seeing that her mother-in-law was angry, Chen Ling was also a little speechless, not all the money of her in-law's family was given to her to spend, and her family did not give her a dowry, why did her mother-in-law say that about her? She has already taken a step back and is willing to borrow tens of thousands of yuan to save her mother-in-law, why did she still borrow it wrong?
"Mom, don't be angry, you really think I made you chill, then you can find your son Daqiang, how much money he can come up with, let him give you as much!" That's all right? Besides, it's Da Qiang who makes me say something, if you want to blame and complain, go to him! ”
The mother-in-law did not take care of Chen Ling anymore, pulled her face and did not speak, and Chen Ling was also sulking.
03
Although after the incident, Da Qiang mediated in the middle, but her mother-in-law was still angry with Chen Ling, she no longer talked to Chen Ling, and she saw Chen Ling at home as if she hadn't seen it.
In this regard, Chen Ling was both helpless and angry, she said, originally it was none of her business, why did she complain about her in the end?
"From today onwards, whoever tells me about Daqi's marriage again, I won't even say a word! It's funny, this is not something I should solve, I kindly borrowed some money, why is it blamed on me? Let my mother-in-law go to her son! Da Qiang has a salary of more than 8,000 points a month, there are three months without a salary, and one month he only takes half of his salary, how much money he saved this year, all for my mother-in-law! I won't borrow a penny anyway! What a thankless effort! ”
To be honest, I think it's not bad that Chen Ling can borrow 30,000 yuan! What's more, she also said that if her in-laws are not paid in the future, she should honor her in-laws' money.
Chen Ling's mother-in-law, if she wants to marry her younger son to a daughter-in-law, she should most discuss the money with her younger son, and if not, she can also find her eldest son to think of a way, instead of spreading her grievances to Chen Ling, the daughter-in-law.
Since it is said that it is a "family", the daughter-in-law can understand the mother-in-law, shouldn't the mother-in-law understand the daughter-in-law?
Teacher Wu Zhihong has this passage in "Why Home Hurts": "The key reason why it is difficult to understand between relatives is that we are accustomed to speculating, speculating, evaluating and even attacking another person from our own coordinate system. But completely forget that the other party also has a phenomenal field and a coordinate system completely different from itself. ”
Between people, the most spoken words are, heart for heart, empathy, but the most difficult to do is precisely these eight words.
Many times, we always want others to act according to our ideas, want others to meet our own needs, but forget what we can give to others, or how much we can give in for others.