When does a person really grow up?
Eighteen? College graduate? Get to work? Get married and have children?
In fact, growing up has nothing to do with age.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right">01</h1>
I've always thought that I've grown up since I was eighteen.
But one day, I was lying on the couch waiting for my mother to cook, and my father suddenly said to me, "Daughter, you should grow up, and we will not give you any more assistance in the future." "Although I never thought about asking my parents for any help before that, I just didn't expect my father to say that.
I was in my twenties at the time, and I was supposed to be an adult in terms of age. But when I heard my father's words, I realized that I had always been a "child" who depended on my parents. "
I always thought I was growing up, but that's just what I thought, in fact, I was still a "child"
It is not that if you increase your age a little, you will naturally become an adult. In fact, some people grow up at a very young age.
Xiao Jie's parents divorced due to emotional incompatibility when he was very young, and his mother remarried shortly after the divorce. Little Jay lives with his father, grandfather, and grandmother. Such days did not last long, and his father was sentenced for robbery, when Xiao Jie was 11 years old and in the fifth grade.
The mother remarried, the father sentenced, the grandmother was old and sick, the grandfather was paralyzed in bed, and life was cruel to this eleven-year-old boy. And this cruel reality did not give Xiao Jie enough time to grow up naturally and slowly, and he grew up overnight and carried the burden of life.
Sometimes very early, sometimes very late, growing up is never predictable.
Many people, even though he has already turned eighteen, graduated from college and gone to work, or even married and had children, he can never call it "growing up." Because they still need financial or life help from their parents, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
And there are always some, far from adulthood, with the young shoulders to fight a home, so that even if they do not "grow up" physically, they are already a real "adult" psychologically.
Growing up never requires proof of age, nor does it need to be defined by yourself, and people always grow up inadvertently after experiencing certain things.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right">02</h1>
So how does it mean to be an adult?
Ichiro Kishimi put it this way in his book The Courage to Change:
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > first, you have the ability to make decisions when you need to make your own decisions. </h1>
The documentary "Chinese Leftover Women" tells the story of 3 elderly unmarried young women, the second of whom is the heroine, her name is Xu Min.
Born into an only-child family in Beijing, Xu Min graduated from the Communication University of China and is now a radio anchor. Logically, a girl like Xu Min, who has a good family, education, job, and good looks, should not be difficult to find a boyfriend, so how can she become a "leftover girl"?
Does a person who depends on the evaluation and approval of others count as an adult?
Xu Min's mother has a relatively high standard for her daughter's boyfriend, and Xu Min is a girl who has been obedient to her mother since she was a child, so Xu Min is left to find it.
Many people are already adults in age, but they can't decide their own lives, such as what kind of school to go to, what kind of job to do, and what kind of people to marry. When something goes wrong, they want to pass the responsibility on others for the first time, and such people cannot be called "adults".
< h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, decide your own value. </h1>
Nietzsche said, "A man's worth is determined by himself." "
It is true that when we are very young, we are dependent on our parents to survive, but as we grow up, do we still have to habitually obey the decisions of our parents?
Born in a small county, Dawen was obsessed with literature since he was a child, liked to write martial arts novels, and dreamed of becoming a writer like Jin Yong.
After taking the college entrance examination that year, his parents asked him about his wishes, he truthfully said his ideas, but he did not expect to be strongly opposed by his family: "Can you be realistic, why are you still so unreliable, is a writer a legitimate profession?" "There was no understanding and support for his dreams around him.
Under the persuasion of everyone, Dawen hesitated, he finally chose the management major according to his parents' decision, studied for four years, and entered a local hotel after graduation, but Xiaowen's personality was more wooden, neither able to speak the Tao, nor was he exquisite, and he was soon dismissed.
Growing up is to decide for yourself and take responsibility for yourself.
In order to survive, Xiaowen changed many industries, but they were not ideal, and later opened a small shop with the financial support of his parents, and then went on a blind date, got married and had children under the introduction of relatives.
Later, we met again on the street, he did not have the bookish temperament of his youth, and I asked with a smile, has your dream of "fighting the sword and the end of the world" come true? He smiled bitterly and told me about his experience for so many years, and before leaving, he whispered to me: "I really regret that I have been living according to other people's arrangements. "
Many people are unsure whether their lifestyle is correct. Some people say that this is good and you will be very happy, and some people criticize that this is not good and immediately want to change your lifestyle. But their own life is decided by others, can such a person be regarded as an adult?
< h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > third, get rid of self-centered thinking. </h1>
Piaget divided the development of human cognition into four stages: the perceptual motor stage (0-2 years old), the pre-arithmetic stage (2-6 years old), the specific operation stage (6-12 years old), and the formal operation stage (after the age of 12).
On the contrary, a person who cannot stand on the supervision of others is actually a "child"
He believes that children can only understand things from their own positions and viewpoints, but cannot know and judge things from the positions and viewpoints of objective others, and the process of human growth is the process of "decentralization".
In fact, each of us adults has more or less "self-centeredness", it is not difficult to find that there are some people in life, they all only want to satisfy their own desires, ask everyone to be in crisis, but ignore the needs of others, unwilling to make half a sacrifice for others, in other words, selfish.
There are also some people who always feel that they are right, always take their own attitude as the orientation of others' attitudes in the crowd, others should listen to themselves, even if they know that others are correct, they are not willing to change their own ideas, stubborn; or they will show strong self-esteem, strongly maintain their "face", do not want someone's status to be higher than their own, excessive orientation...
These people are "self-centered", they are often self-righteous, seeing themselves as mature adults, but in fact, they have not been able to get rid of the "child" trait.
Becoming an adult means solving one's own problems on your own, rather than being self-centered, being able to clearly understand the needs of those around you and working hard to live to meet their needs.
So do you consider yourself an adult?