When a relationship comes to an end, how do we get people to leave us in conjunction with why the contract broke up and how you move on

"Sometimes it takes a relationship that won't last forever to teach us lessons that will last forever." ~ Unknown

I recently had to give up a friendship I've been in a relationship for almost eight years.

In the first few years of knowing, we had magnetic attraction. Every time we arranged to go out, time seemed to stand still. We talked to each other and shared a lot of things, sometimes a full five hours passed, as if it were only a few minutes.

We text each other, send long emails, and schedule coffee dates when our lives are less hectic. I'm looking forward to our exchanges as I always feel excited when I leave. I would leave with a new feeling of inner growth, and I'm sure she felt the same way.

When our friendship ended, I had to dig deeper into how we came together. How we become friends is crucial because I realize that people make connections in certain areas of their lives. The people we are attracted to are also reflections of ourselves. We often have similar habits, patterns, and interests. If we don't experience similarities, we won't be attracted to each other.

I met this special friend of mine in a healing community. I went to massage therapy school and I was looking for someone interested in being my six-week case study. I signed her up and saw her once a week.

We are connected by the desire to heal ourselves – both on the outside level, sharing the types of dietary purification we are experimenting with, and on the inner level, sharing each other's therapists and spiritual teachers.

When we all make progress in personal and spiritual growth, we encourage each other along the way.

As the years passed, I began to notice that we rarely saw each other anymore. By texting, we become more supportive of each other. Even emails dropped. We were twenty minutes apart, but we had a hard time finding time to meet, and when we met, it was usually an invitation from me.

I quickly noticed that we were getting farther and farther apart, especially as I entered a deep space of inner healing. The more inner work I do to myself, the clearer I can see all aspects of my current relationships in my life. People started going downhill.

I've found that when I discover my inner strength and ability to be true to myself, people with whom I have interdependence are no longer interested in what I have to offer.

My creative gifts are open and I'm sharing them. I found this particular friend unable to support my newfound venture and she made critical comments about what I was doing. She would say something uplifting for herself and compare what she was doing to what I was doing so far.

This behavior of hers is the last red flag I need from this friendship. I've seen a lot in the last year and a half, so we just stopped communicating. I'm sure she can also feel the connection between us disappearing. We really don't have anything else in common.

This experience made me think about why these endings are happening. I wanted to explore the deeper implications of how people come together and how they fall apart.

I can guarantee that if you're human, you've had breakups like this too. They can be sad and painful, especially when we try to catch them. As far as I'm concerned, I'm perfectly ready to unleash friendship. I saw the words on the wall very early on. Chances are, we could have ended it earlier than we did.

<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="16" > how we combine</h1>

When we build friendships or romantic relationships, we usually make connections about specific aspects of ourselves or our lives. Sometimes, these bonds are not formed by healthy spaces, but sometimes they are.

When we feel a magnetic attraction to another person, this energy exchange makes us want to be with them more and more. The longer we spend together, the more we see commonalities in our lives and personalities. We truly become a reflection of each other, both positive and negative.

Usually, in the huge magnetic charge between these two people, we learn from each other and help us grow. Some people say that this attraction between two people exists because we have a soul contract. Sometimes these contracts are short, and sometimes, they can be lifelong. If a relationship or friendship comes to an end, from that perspective it can help alleviate the pain.

<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="20" > why the contract broke</h1>

Last year, I found myself in the midst of the end of two soul contracts. One, and the friend I mentioned, the other is the boyfriend, and now the ex. The deep inner work I chose to do was what caused these connections to disappear.

I have to see how we reflect each other, I have to look at the connection between us.

As far as my boyfriend is concerned, we are connected by the pain of divorce. We are connected by ways in which we all feel unsupported and neglected by our spouses. But we are also linked by many similar personality traits. We are totally a reflection of each other. We reflect our desire and need to nurture our partners, our interdependent behavior, and our deep-seated patterns of manipulation.

When I finally decided I needed to change my life, it didn't work for him. I was ready to give up all the dysfunctions I'd been enduring while he wasn't. I realized that we were connected by extreme dysfunction.

As far as my friends are concerned, we are connected by personal and spiritual growth. It's a normal, healthy relationship. But in hindsight, I can see the personality traits we reflect on each other. We've all had problems speaking up and finding our own voices. Neither of us trusts sharing ourselves and our gifts with the world. We all desperately need to be recognized by others.

The year I grew up inside, I started sharing my creative talents with others. In doing so, I found that I was able to support others to do the same. I no longer need validation and no longer compare what I'm doing with what other people are doing. I celebrate other people having the courage to share themselves with the world because I'm doing the same thing. The fears of the past are completely gone.

Because she herself hadn't reached the place yet, she couldn't support me. We are no longer mirrors of each other. We are no longer connected by the inability to speak our truth.

<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="28" > let go</h1>

In order to feel accepted and calm about the loss of these two people, I had to see and feel the lesson they had taught me. They showed me themselves for a long, long time. During that viewing, I was able to find in my own mind why I carried these things with me and how they served me. Once I saw their patterns, I let them go.

Once the pattern disappeared, my connection with these two people began to unravel. There's not much left. Powerful attraction and energy exchange are gone.

To say that I am grateful for these two souls is an understatement. They are all profound teachers to me. I love both of them, and I believe with all my heart that we have signed a soul contract. I continue to love and respect these people, but far from them. I no longer have to bear the burden of these bonds, there is unlimited freedom in it.

<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="32" > how you can move forward</h1>

If you find yourself stuck in a place where you don't let go, or if you're feeling angry, bitter, and sad about ending a relationship, I encourage you to try the following.

1. Write down and reflect on the connections you originally made. Don't skip this step. You will either see that what you depend on no longer serves you, or you no longer serve another person.

2. Write down and reflect on similar behavior patterns and personality traits between you and the person. Make a list of the good and the bad, no matter how painful it may seem. Don't fool yourself. When you do this, you will again see that these patterns no longer serve you or anyone else.

3. Write down and reflect on what this person has shown and taught you. Even if it was a painful experience, how did they help you grow? What can you take away that gives you new insight or meaning into your life?

As Ram Dass puts it, "We all just walked home." His words play a role in our daily lives and relationships. The less attachment we have to the ending, the more room we make room for new possibilities.