As a 2-year-old mother, I feel that my parenting path has entered a difficult moment, facing crying, irritable, and rebellious children, and the "terrible 2-year-old" seems to be a spell that cannot be circumvented. Often sleepy and overwhelmed, I had the privilege of reading the book: Zimbardo General Psychology (8th Edition), after which the fog of parent-child relationship seemed to be lifted before my eyes.
Of course, this is a "heavyweight" psychology book, what is "heavyweight"? Because it was really heavy, it stunned me when I received the courier. The specifications of the 16 folios are 706 pages from the beginning of the official content, so such a book is undoubtedly a "big man" in the era of popular reading of e-books. But it also has a "heavyweight" blessing factor, that is, its compilation team is also very strong.
The three authors of this book are all experts in the American psychology industry, and Zimbardo is not only a famous psychologist and the designer of the Stanford Prison Experiment, but also has nearly 50 years of general psychology teaching experience, and has taught at Yale University, New York University, Columbia University, and Stanford University, and is known as "the image and voice of contemporary psychology."
The 14 translators in the book are teaching and researchers from the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Peking University, Renmin University, Beijing Normal University, Jinan University, Sun Yat-sen University, Zhejiang Sci-Tech University, and other colleges and universities.
Zimbardo General Psychology (8th Edition) has fourteen themes, including mind, biological psychology, sensation and perception, learning, memory, thinking and intelligence, lifelong development, state of consciousness, motivation and emotion, personality, social psychology, psychological disorders, treatment of psychological disorders, and from stress to health and happiness.
The book covers most areas of psychology. Each topic begins with a question that is either interesting or classically ancient, and around that question comes the core concepts of the relevant field of psychology, followed by answers to the questions before the end of the chapter. Each chapter has an introductory introduction, in the middle there are relevant questions that guide in-depth thinking, at the end of the chapter there is a summary of the content, and the entire curriculum design is scientific and reasonable, which can make the reading process achieve an effective closed loop.
In addition, there are many interesting experiments and test questions on personality traits in the book, which are no less interesting than horoscope divination and more scientific. Therefore, such a psychology textbook has always been hailed as "a better-looking introductory classic of psychology than a novel".
As Shakespeare said, "There are a thousand Hamlets in the eyes of a thousand people", such a "behemoth" that everyone can read something different from. The knowledge of "operant conditioning" has inspired me in the parent-child relationship.
1. Re-recognize your child's behavior and needs through "operational conditioning."
Babies learn to speak a lot at the age of one or more, at least to be able to articulate their needs. But sometimes adults are busy doing things (or they are just playing with mobile phones), and inadvertently ignore the needs expressed by the baby, which will cause the baby to adopt the "JI end" method to meet their own needs.
For example, once I was folding clothes, the child told me that he wanted to drink water, I asked him to wait a minute before I went to pour, not a minute later, ran over again and said again, I thought that when I was busy, it would not be more than five minutes, and then I would pour it for him. As a result, he cried a little when he said it the third time, and I was a little annoyed to hear it and got up to pour him water to drink.
Over time, I felt why do children always like to talk with tears at every turn? Sounds weird. Later, I read the concept of "operational conditioning" in the book: in operational conditioning, the consequences of rewards and punishments caused by an action affect the probability of the behavior reappearing. Suddenly a bit of a trance.
For example, if a child speaks with a crying voice, is it not the result that he did not give feedback in time when he expressed his needs before, and only gave feedback when he spoke with a crying voice.
Children's crying is an innate ability, from birth they express their needs through crying, to gradually grow older, they will cry to seek attention. And once the adult operates this behavior pattern like "I didn't notice you until you cried and met your needs", the child received "I can only cry to let my parents know that I want", and the result is only the relationship between "crying" and "satisfaction", and the important parent-child interaction in the middle is ignored. Therefore, it also leads to the situation that children love to cry and parents are easily annoyed.
2. "Operant conditioning" helps children learn new behaviors and develop good habits
Since there is a correlation between behavioral habits and conditioned reflexes, we can shape them by rewarding or punishing certain behaviors
Habit. Skinner, the founder of operational conditioning, believes that the powerful effect on behavior is its consequence, that is, after behavior
What happened immediately. Skinner, on the other hand, replaced the single concept of "reward" with the more comprehensive concept of "reinforcement."
Continuous reinforcement has proven to be a useful strategy early in the learning process, i.e., according to behavioral rules, at the beginning of a training program
Reward every correct response. This strategy helps shape complex new behaviors.
For example, by teaching a child to learn a new movement or skill, instructions can be given at first to help the child correct posture or technique and then provide reinforcement, helping the child to develop new good behavior habits or acquired skills by gradually setting higher standards or raising the level of performance required to receive a reward.
3. Punishment is a mystery, use caution
Punishment includes aversion to irritation and removal of reinforcements, and punishment reduces or reduces the likelihood of the recurrence of certain bad behaviors, but the consequences of punishment need to be logical for punishment to be effective. That is to say, the consequences of punishment are those related to bad behavior, not punishments that are not related to bad behavior.
For example, if a child forgets a toy in the car and cries, then spanking is not a logical punishment, because there is no relationship between the two, and the logical punishment is that the child will temporarily "lose" his toy before driving the car next time, so that next time, maybe, he will remember to bring his toy.
So if the child must be punished, then effective punishment should be that it teaches the child what to do, rather than focusing on what not to do.
Of course, life is like a box of chocolates, and every day I don't know what new problems I will encounter. Whether it is reward or punishment, it is always a matter of strategy. For the maintenance of parent-child relationship, what is important is always love and companionship.
Summary:
Zimbardo General Psychology (8th Edition) is an all-encompassing psychology book, whether it is a workplace executive, an ordinary employee, a stay-at-home mother, or a parent-child family, gender relations, a lot of psychological knowledge in it is enough for people to have a different harvest every time they watch it. Because each stage of life is different, this book can take you to understand the inner psychology and behavior mechanism of each stage. The so-called know oneself and know the other, never lose a battle, only by deeply understanding yourself, can you be a better self.