Now young people are busy at work, and most children need grandparents and grandparents to help bring them. This has led many families to face a choice when their children are about to be born: whether to let grandparents bring it or let their grandparents bring it?
Colleague Xiaoli's due date next month was stumped by this problem. Xiao Li hopes that her grandmother and grandfather can come to Beijing to help with the baby, after all, her parents, even if there is some friction, will not go to the heart. But the child's grandparents, as early as half a year ago, expressed their willingness to help with the child, as a daughter-in-law and embarrassed to let the old man chill, this matter has been entangled until now.
Some time ago, Xiaoli had made up her mind to let her grandparents come and bring the baby, but she inadvertently saw a lot of discussions similar to "grandparents, grandparents who hurt the child more" on the Internet, and the more she looked at it, the more entangled she became. After all, most experts said that from the perspective of biological intimacy, the most concerned about children is "grandma", which makes Xiaoli's determination to be determined to be shaken again.
Grandma and grandpa, who cares the most about their children?
We all say "generational relatives", but did you know that the survey found that the degree of closeness between grandparents and grandparents to children is actually different. A number of studies have shown that the scientific order of the intimate relationship between children and the elderly is: grandma> grandma> grandpa> grandpa.
Isn't that a bit of a subversion of perception? After all, in our consciousness, most children are closer to their grandparents. Under the influence of thousands of years of traditional culture, children follow their father's surname, and grandparents will naturally be closer to their children. But it is clear that the results of sociological research do not think so:
In the 1980s, psychologists conducted a survey of "families with lost children." The study found that when a child had an accident, the 4 elderly people were the saddest grandmother, followed by grandma and grandpa, and finally grandpa.
In addition, the Luthor Institute has done a follow-up survey of more than 200 people in the sample of "intergenerational intimacy". The results of this survey found that most people have a closer connection with their grandmothers and the least contact with their grandfathers in their interactions with the elderly.
Coincidentally, Professor Tanskaren of the University of Helsinki in Finland has also done a sampling survey of more than 4,000 teenagers in the United Kingdom, and he found that in the relationship between 4 elderly people and children, grandma is more willing to spend time and money on children, followed by grandma and grandpa, and finally grandpa.
According to the results of the study, compared with several other elderly people, grandma is more pampered with children.
Grandma loves the evolution of her children's favorite
Many people may question this ranking result, but in fact, its existence has an evolutionary basis.
In the book "Evolutionary Psychology", the researchers explained the results of this ranking. The reason why the sorting results are different from what we expected is because of the uncertain assumption of biological paternity.
The simple explanation is that after the mother gives birth to the child, she can be 100% sure that the child is her own, but the biological community is uncertain about the existence of the father. In this way, when taking care of children, the mother will naturally be more attentive than the father. In the same way, you can know why Grandma loves her baby more.
Grandma projected a part of her love for her daughter onto her children, and naturally she would be more fond of her grandchildren.
You may also ask, if this is the case, then Grandpa should be ranked ahead of Grandma, why is Grandma still ranked higher than Grandpa?
In fact, this is related to the personality of most women. Maternal love is an innate instinct of women, grandma has raised her father after being pregnant in October, enjoyed the baby's dependence on her, and experienced the bond between mother and child. They are more likely to bring themselves into the situation of raising children, naturally giving more care and care to their children, and the corresponding relationship with their children is closer than that of grandpa and grandpa.
Why, in reality, some children are not close to their grandmothers?
Although, in the scientific ranking, the old man who loves the child the most is the grandmother, it is undeniable that some children in reality are not close to the grandmother. This is not to say that the experimental data is inaccurate, but that for intimate relationships, while physiological effects are important, there are other external influences that are equally important.
In other places, the number of meetings with grandmothers and grandfathers is small.
In our generation, most people have left their hometowns to struggle, and many girls have stayed in other places after working, getting married and having children. All year round, busy and busy, there are very few opportunities to take the baby home, and the time for the child to contact with grandma and grandpa is even more pitiful. In this case, the child naturally cannot be close to the grandmother and grandfather.
Grandma and grandpa are more strict
There are also some children who were also brought up by grandma and grandpa, but the relationship is not so close. This is because grandmas and grandpas have more worries when they take their children than grandparents, after all, in our traditional concept, dad is the authority of a family.
In this case, grandma and grandpa with the baby will be more stressful. I am deeply afraid that I will not be able to bring up my children well, and I will not be able to account for my son-in-law. Statistically, grandma and grandpa will be more strict in managing children than grandparents. In the face of strict discipline, children will naturally prefer grandparents and grandmothers who are not so stressed.
The child's intimacy is also affected by other factors
Although the scientific order of children's closeness is: grandma> grandma> grandpa> grandpa.
But in reality, the child's intimacy is affected by many other aspects. For example, the length of time spent with each other, the frequency of meetings, and so on.
The child's adaptability is actually very strong, not as glassy as we think. Just like when Yumi was born, it was grandma and grandpa who took her in the month, and after a few months, grandma and grandpa returned to their hometown. Grandma was brought all the way to the age of 2, and it was obvious that the little one was very close to Grandma.
Therefore, the order of a child's intimate relationship will change as she grows. But no matter how it changes, what we parents can do is to guide our children to care for the elderly, whether it is grandma, grandpa or grandpa or grandma, try to take the child to accompany them more.
And personally, I think that there is no need for a mother with similar troubles like Xiaoli to struggle. People are emotional animals, and since Grandma wants to come and take the baby, she naturally will not treat the child badly. And as the old man puts in more time with the baby, the deeper the bond between the two will be, plus the grandson who will be willing to let him be wronged?
If you are really not at ease, you can also let your grandmother take it in the month, and then let your grandmother take it when it is a little older.
Today's topic: If you are Xiaoli, will you insist on letting your grandparents bring your baby, or let your grandparents come? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to discuss ah~