From #Will you go to Tao Baibai for me to search for constellations for me# to #Borrow Tao Baibai Jiyan #, horoscope blogger Tao Baibai, who has tens of millions of fans, has become a compulsory course for urban men and women in love.
We invited him and talked to him about the seven major problems in love, for example, the object's mobile phone, do you want to see it or not.
The following is Tao Baibai's answer -
Love issues
Is it really unethical for Miss Zhang to peek at her partner's mobile phone? Yesterday, when he was taking a shower, a message from a girl popped up on his phone. I couldn't help but look at it, but it didn't seem to be anything, and I felt like I was wrong to blame him.
Tao Baibai is so guilty you still see? You don't believe him anymore?
Miss Zhang had a previous conviction for cheating, and although he apologized later, I still had an insecurity.
Tao Baibai that I support you to see. In fact, many times we can't deal with emotional problems because we care too much about the shame in our feelings. For example, the topic of "whether to cheat", two people will subconsciously avoid, but the final result is that everyone is suspicious, and in the end, if it is not a problem, it will drag into a problem.
If you choose not to look at your phone, doubts will always be in your mind. In two days he'll make a phone call behind your back, have dinner with unidentified people, or any detail will make you even more upset. Maybe the other party didn't cheat this time, but when you doubt the third time, in your world, these imaginations that have not happened and are fabricated because of uneasiness will become a real hammer.
Miss Zhang, but to tell the truth, I am so entangled, but I am also afraid of really catching the evidence of his cheating. You can look down on me, but I really can't break up with him.
If Tao Baibai is afraid of losing this feeling and has doubts, I hope that you will open the box containing the cat and face all the doubts and contradictions at the moment. Believe in this person or give up on this person, after opening the box, you must choose one or the other, not for affection, but for your own salvation.
Love issues
Zhang Lei, my girlfriend is a Sagittarius, I was busy forgetting about the last anniversary, and after apologizing, she was still a little sullen. You said that Sagittarius is afraid of trouble after getting angry and is unwilling to explain, but you can't let her hold it herself, and it will spoil her feelings. So I pulled her to sit down and talk, saying that it was better to go out for a picnic together on the weekend as compensation.
Tao Baibai, isn't this solved?
Zhang Lei seems to have solved it, but every time I seem to be using the "skills" I learned from you to make her happy, just like Chinese room, I just used a translation program, in fact, I will not Chinese at all. It feels like, I'm cheating in love, peeking at answers I didn't know...
Tao Baibai stopped, of course, this is not cheating. "Skill" itself is not a derogatory term, and using "routine" is cheating. The difference between the two is the starting point. Since you want to maintain feelings, but you don't know the method, it is a very responsible practice to take the initiative to learn some skills to please the other party to heat up feelings.
Can My Girlfriend really be simply defined as a "Sagittarius Girl"?
Tao Baibai is actually a constellation that is essentially just some scenario-based advice, and the important thing is not whether it is accurate or not, but whether it is helpful. In other words, even if an article about Leo avoids a quarrel between you, it makes sense.
Zhang Lei sounds like even you don't believe in constellations so much.
In fact, no model is always accurate, whether it is a constellation, a genus or an MBTI, it cannot fully summarize a person. Everyone is complex and dynamic, and "knowing yourself" is the most important thing. But before we can see ourselves clearly, using some models to find some direction is also a way to be responsible for feelings.
Isn't it also romantic for a person who doesn't Chinese to express his love to someone who can only Chinese through a translation program?
Love issues
Jane I think I fell in love with the bjd doll...
What about Tao Baibai's specific performance?
Jane I think Anson, my doll, is exactly my ideal type. I can design his favorite makeup and change it into various looks to take photos of him! Having dinner with him, I wouldn't have the loneliness of eating alone; the funny jokes I heard, I just wanted to share with him for the first time.
...... I also know that Anson is inanimate, so is that love?
Of course, Tao Baibai counts as love, because love is originally one-way, and emotional life is two-way. Even the feelings between people and people, there are many one-sided imaginations, these are also love. Love is your personal feelings and experiences, a relationship between you and the world, regardless of right or wrong, only about pros and cons.
Spiritual sustenance can be on anyone or thing, but only if it doesn't bring great pain or countless negative effects to your daily life. Although I don't know much about bjd dolls, I guess it should be a wonderful feeling like any kind of feeling, inexplicable satisfaction, satisfaction, familiarity, or fulfillment...
Jane is like a cow in a clearing, although the black and white paper makes the farmer think that the cow is in the clearing, but the cow is actually in the forest.
Tao Baibai's peasant believes that there are cows in the open space, which is his conclusion through the patchwork of external information. But whether your love exists or not is not for someone else to provide you with information. We now define everything too specifically, what love is 120 heartbeats a minute, romance is 999 roses, specific will make you live very soberly, but have the ability to understand abstraction, in order to let you enjoy love.
Love issues
Cici yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my boyfriend and I were in love, and he proposed to me, but I was far from being as happy as I thought. How to say it, it seems that he is no longer him. In high school, the school canteen frequently increased prices for a period of time, and everyone dared to be angry, only he stood up to protest, wrote a letter to the principal's mailbox, and finally really let the canteen disclose the cost from then on.
Tao Baibai was able to do this in high school, which is really remarkable.
Cici is, upright, kind, like a projection of idealism in our little high school. But after 11 years of slow hammering, "Mingzhe to protect himself" is his new philosophy. Overtime salary cut he is willing to endure, with wine to socialize he rushed to go, and even some time ago a female colleague reported the leader sexual harassment, he obviously bumped into more than once in the pantry, but did not say a word for the girl.
Tao Baibai actually knows in your heart that he is no longer the person he was then, right?
Cici...... But after all, we have walked together for 11 years, like the ship of Theseus, and I have witnessed the process of one plank after another being beaten to decay and then replaced.
Tao Baibai 11 years is very long, but the future is longer, I think it is better not to compromise the happiness of the future because of the time spent in the past, and your own principles. Physiologically, the cells of our whole body change about once every seven years, and you may not be the same person physically, but the difference between humans and ships is that people have memories, and changes in memory can determine the quality of intimate relationships more than changes in people.
Cici remembers him as beautiful forever, but I can't always ask him to be a high school student.
Tao Baibai immencrates me, no one will be entangled because of getting better, he just disappointed you, are you right? Memory for intimate relationships, like water for a boat, good memories are adding water, bad memories are pumping, so the key is not whether you are still the person you were, what matters is whether you continue to create good memories. If future voyages do not sail in the direction you expected when you set out, I support you in getting out of the ship.
Love issues
At this stage, Chloe's biggest problem is that I only know what I don't want, but I can't find what I want.
Tao Baibai sounds like an exclusive annoyance that people with very strong peach blossoms will have.
Is Chloe thriving? I think the peach blossom is important for quality rather than quantity. In my recent Tinder Matches, Jack's height is a bit of a shame, Amin isn't attentive enough, Ken's cleanliness is suffocating, and Jason seems to be playful. It's like opening a takeaway app, there are many stores, but none of them want to eat.
Tao Baibai social software has brought us into an era of unlimited choices, and we are experiencing its charm and pain at the same time. Because you always believe that the next is better, so you can't make a decision for a long time, and even self-suggest that there must be something bad about this now.
Chloe, I think you're too pessimistic, as the monkey and typewriter experiments have been exploring—countless people and countless more times can produce anything. Social software has given us countless possibilities, and if I'm patient enough, I'll always meet Mr.right.
Tao Baibai well, then I will tell you my opinion - the underlying logic of social software is social, social is a kind of "open door impulse", we always want to open every door in front of us, look at the possibilities outside the door; and intimacy, is a kind of "closing the door impulse", it allows you to close all the doors, only in the only room at the moment, to find infinite possibilities.
The story of the monkey and the printer, you can understand it as trying countless people and then finding Mr. Right; but you can also understand it as exploring countless possibilities with the same person and then becoming your Mr. Right. Of course, I'm not going to let people in feelings go, this is for people who can't focus on feelings.
Chloe understood. One last question, if I have already made a choice and my fate is destined to be late, what should I do?
Tao Baibai If you are still struggling with this problem, it means that you have only made a choice, but you have not yet made a decision. In fact, there is no fate, the right person is to become Mr. Right in the process of getting along, not before getting along.
Love issues
Last month, Rocy became the company's youngest deputy director, and my husband toasted me.
Tao Baibai congratulated, I think he will be proud of you.
Rocy, but I couldn't help but notice the awkwardness in his eyes, the day I finally surpassed him at my rank, and I confessed that I looked down on him a little.
It was I who chased him, a small new student of the Propaganda Department, who was madly in love with the president of the student union two levels higher than himself. He was erudite, and could give insights in literature, art, astronomy, and philosophy. The word excellent because he has a figurative appearance, like a light that guides the direction, urges me to run forward.
Tao Baibai is like Icarus chasing the sun.
After Rocy was with him, I was always holding a string, and I was going to grow fast and be with him. Unexpectedly, at the same time, his image in my heart was like quicksand slowly collapsing. I began to notice some bad details, his circle of friends often updated some literary movies, but I know that he slept sweetly when he watched; Borges, who had not even opened the book cover; his debriefing report was almost perfect, and behind it was me who stayed up all night doing PPT for him.
Einstein caught up with the speed of light in his crazy imagination, and I thought we could fly in the universe hand in hand, but when I finally caught up with him, I found that he, who was originally shining and glowing, turned out to be just a condensed magnetic line.
We always fantasize about a perfect lover, forgetting that the sun will also have sunspots. Anyone who sacralizes feelings is bound to encounter the same problem – "disappointment". So the most painful but necessary process of loving someone because of worship is to get rid of flattery, trying to translate "how can I love a person who is not good" into "Is my life more fulfilling because of your existence?" After all, your lover is a person after all, not a term called "strong."
Love issues
Coco's love is turning me into a hysterical woman. I voluntarily gave up my hometown job for him and came to Beijing to be a housewife. He had the opportunity to fight 996 when he was younger, and I certainly had no reason to stand in his way. Not to mention, we are all for this home.
Although You made a contribution at that time, the balance was still balanced.
Coco's day-to-day chores were tedious and hard, taking care of two children was exhausting, and I wanted to continue writing my novels between children, but struggled for two years to realize that this was impossible. I pulled him in for long conversations more and more often, trying to tell him I needed more support, even if just more hugs. But he didn't even lift his head. He just said, I can't imagine the pressure outside, when the project I was busy for half a year was killed, who would support me? Last night I finally couldn't help but scold and smashed a cup in front of the child...
I know that love should not be mutual accusations, but we are like two iron balls tied together and falling, dragging each other down to happiness. But I had already shown him my pain with all my voice, and he didn't feel it at all?
Your problem is not to pay more, but to lose the point where you can balance him, and you lose the conditions for the game. The imbalance in marriage begins with "questioning", when either party begins to magnify their own efforts, they will feel that they are being targeted everywhere, and when you start complaining to each other with a victim mentality, you are equivalent to "closing yourself", the louder you shout on the stage, the more people in the audience think you are crazy.
The balance, independence, and integrity of feelings depend more on whether the actual conditions can constrain the other party, and this constraint is often not an emotional, moral constraint, I think at least in this era, the most direct constraint is economic independence.
But I haven't thought about going out to work again, but if two people leave early and return late, will our feelings be more difficult to keep?
The value of Tao Baibai's independence lies in the fact that when the other party ignores you, you can take back your love and tell the other party that it is rare. If you are at a disadvantage in the relationship, you will beg and complain, which will only make the relationship more unbalanced. Only the inferior party will think of the same end, and the superior party will only think about how to reduce the loss.
Cocoa reduces losses... Sounds too cruel.
Tao Baibai may be that after you have enough chips, you will not go to that step.
Curated by: GQ Labs
Edit: Tatsu goose
Author: leo, cheon, Qiao Xin, Hu Luobei, Tanuki, A play
Illustration: soap
Vision: aube