Sure enough, Gu Ailing was scolded by them again

Text / Liu Na

People red is not much.

Recently, Gu Ailing was again attacked by the Internet.

The cause is this figure:

This is a video of Gu Ailingfa on social networks, in which Grandma is taking small steps in the plane.

This scene was filmed by her and sent to her account, with the text:

"Exercise is a way of life."

Since the destination of the trip is New York, USA, this grandmother's exercise routine has become a dark speculation of people with hearts.

They don't ask for anything, they come up with a basin of dirty water:

"It seems that I have made a lot of money, and I will go home when I am finished."

"Make money in China, enjoy it in America."

"This is the exquisite egoist."

……

But what about the facts?

The plane she was travelling on was not a private jet, but a charter flight.

The trip was also for two important events: the Women's Sports Summit espnW and the Met Gala Charity Fashion Festival.

In the face of the vicious words on the screen, Gu Ailing finally silently deleted the video without making any excuses.

You must know that the last time she won the championship in China, in the face of the ridicule of American netizens on the screen, she has always stood in China's position, speaking for China and safeguarding China's image.

Once she fought for China, but now she is inserted by netizens.

Even though Gu Ailing is strong in heart and fearless and honest, it is not chilling to see the people she once defended hurt herself in turn.

In the face of this farce, I hope that Gu Ailing can cheer up again like she said:

"Nor am I going to waste time on people who are not well educated, who may never experience the joy, gratitude and love that I am fortunate enough to feel every day.

With this in mind, I would also like to talk to you about the 6 underlying logics of "self-identification" and "evaluation by others".

Overemphasize the evaluation of others

In fact, it is dissatisfaction with oneself

Gu Ailing's path to becoming a talent was greatly influenced by her grandmother and mother.

Her grandmother is a retired senior engineer in the Ministry of Transport, and her mother is a high-achieving student at Peking University, who later studied in the United States, showing unique talents and talents in scientific research and investment, and is also a ski instructor.

The two women who have influenced Gu Ailing the most are both cultured, assertive and self-reliant.

They have taught Gu Ailing since childhood: "You are great, you are doing a good job, you deserve the best of everything." ”

This "I am very good" cognition is constantly internalized into Gu Ailing's heart.

She herself has also made great achievements in her studies and skiing, and she has been admitted to Stanford and won the Olympic championship.

This sense of honor of "effort + reward" makes her have an objective and stable understanding of herself, and external doubts cannot shake her at all.

Many of the children I have come into contact with are not as good as Gu Ailing, but they all have their own shining points.

It's just that they especially care about what other people say.

A criticism from a teacher, a ridicule from a classmate, a wound from an accidental event, they can't let go for a long time.

After I communicated with them in depth, I found that there was always a voice in their hearts that echoed: "You can't do it, you're not good, you don't deserve it, you can't." ”

Who is this voice from?

Domestication and blows from their upbringing, nurturers.

Unconsciously, these children turn the requirements of the nurturer into their own requirements for themselves, their own attacks on themselves.

Once they hear bad reviews from the outside world, they immediately fall into inertial inferiority and embarrassment in automated processing: "Sure enough, I can't do it." Sure enough, no one liked me. ”

So, there is a saying in psychology:

All dissatisfaction is an attack on oneself.

What do you mean?

This means that we are dissatisfied with ourselves, so we pay special attention to the evaluation of others.

If you identify with yourself enough, are satisfied enough, believe enough, no one can destroy you.

As parents, we must also lean down and stretch out our hands to give our children acceptance and affirmation.

We build not only a bridge of family affection, but also a root system of children's self-confidence.

Really excellent people

There is a moderate arrogance

Many of our parents and teachers believe: "Modesty makes people progress, pride makes people backward, and filial piety comes out under the stick." ”

So, as soon as we see our kids show confidence, shout out:

"Put away your proud tail, you and the one who is who is compared, the difference is still far away!" Don't take the first place, you don't know who you are! ”

Then, seeing that the child was gray and silent, the parents were still ashamed: "Let him know a little about what reverence is!" ”

Such an educational method, the children cultivated, even if they are admitted to prestigious universities, are also divided and bitter in their hearts:

I always felt like I wasn't good enough.

In this kind of self-deprecation, for a long time, the heart is tugged together, becoming nervous and twisted.

"Moderate arrogance is the inevitable of self-love, and it is also the characteristic of the good."

Learn to love yourself, like yourself, and identify with yourself.

In this way, in the face of unreasonable doubts and doubts from others, you will not fall into excessive reflection.

As Gu Ailing said:

I don't really care if others are satisfied, I am satisfied with my own performance.

And fools talk about length

If you win, you lose

I believe that many friends have heard the story of "three seven twenty-eight":

One person was on the street, and when he heard another person talking about three seven twenty-eight, he went up and told him that three seven equals twenty-one, not twenty-eight.

The two had an argument, and Three-Seven-Twenty-Eight became angry and bit Three-Seven-Twenty-One.

Three-Seven Twenty-One was very angry and dragged the other party to the yamen to file a complaint.

The county master asked above: What's going on?

Three Seven Twenty-One says:

"My lord, the other party not only said three seven twenty-eight, but also bit me, please adults to make decisions for me."

After the county master listened, he slapped the shocked hall wood:

"Three seven twenty-eight can go. Come on people, pull three seven twenty-one out and hit ten boards. ”

Three-seven-twenty-one was beaten bloodied, and the more he thought about it, the more unconvinced he became.

He returned to the county court and beat the drums to sound the injustice.

When the county magistrate saw that it was him again, he asked, "Who are you suing this time?" ”

Three-seven-twenty-one said, "This time I told the Lord, I am three-seven-twenty-one, and I am not wrong at all." Instead of hitting three or seven twenty-eight, the grown-ups are going to beat me. The injustice of the adult judgment. ”

When the county magistrate heard this, he dismissed the others and quietly said to Three-Seven-Twenty-One:

"He is all three, seven or twenty-eight, can you distinguish between you and such a confused person?"

It shows that you are more confused and do not hit anyone you hit. ”

Tangled with vicious dogs, it is easy to pull down their own grades.

Tangling with evil people will cost you your own life.

To argue with people who are different from the three views is to gaze into the abyss.

The Tao is not the same.

In the same class, in the dormitory, in the same unit, in the group, there are always one or two thorns, who love to pick thorns everywhere and find things.

When you meet such people, don't waste your time and energy on them.

The right thing to do is to shut up and stay away.

Your time is precious and the trolls don't deserve it.

What others do to you

You allow it

In daily life, some children fall into the vicious cycle of relationships:

"The more others ignore me, the more they slander me, the more they look down on me, the more deliberately they hurt me, the more I have to prove it to him, the more I have to please him, the more I have to care about his evaluation, the more I have to get entangled with him day by day." 」

When I was young and studying, the relationship with my classmates formed such a vicious cycle.

After growing up in love, the relationship with lovers forms such a cycle.

Work goes to society, and the relationship with colleagues forms such a cycle.

Then, in the midst of trauma addiction, such a person is still injured and asks:

"Why am I always hurt?"

Why?

Because, in the familiar taste, you always hand the knife to others again and again, and then indulge others:

"You come and prick me, where it hurts me the most."

The more you care about what other people think, the more maliciously they control you.

In control and being controlled, you have lost your true self.

There are two ways to break this dilemma:

First, resist, say "no" out loud, defend your feelings and boundaries, and let those who always humiliate you and deny you "get away."

Second, ignore, do not care about the evaluation of others, concentrate on doing your own thing, and in getting better and better, throw those who bite the root of your tongue farther away.

What others do to you is what you allow.

Because the attitude you subconsciously have toward yourself is exactly what others have done to you.

The lack of empathy is someone else's business

It is your responsibility that the boundaries are not clear

A 16-year-old boy, suffering from the evaluation and malice of others, went to visit a wise man.

"How can I become a popular person?" The teenager asked.

The Wise Man laughed and said:

"My child, no matter how good you become, there will always be someone who does not welcome you.

A lot of people who look older than you, they'll hate you inexplicably.

Because, what they hate is not you, but their own troubles and anxieties.

If you're going to please them, you're doomed to suffer. ”

The young man asked again, "Then, since this is the case, how can I cultivate myself?" ”

The wise man said, "Child, I send you four sentences.

The first sentence is to treat yourself as someone else.

In this way, when you are suffering or proud, you will be at peace, because all beings are suffering, and you are not alone in suffering.

Second, treat others as yourself.

In this way, when you look at others, you do not judge and speculate maliciously, but with objectivity and compassion.

The third sentence treats others as others.

In this way, you can decisively let go of other people's problems and decisively withdraw from other people's entanglements.

Don't try to change others to adapt to yourself, and don't try to change yourself to adapt to others.

Fourth, think of yourself as yourself.

In this way, when you encounter your own difficulties, you will face them bravely; when you encounter your own problems, you will be responsible.

Along the way, you have also met a better version of yourself. ”

Treating yourself as others and others as yourself is empathy.

Treating others as others, treating yourself as yourself, this is the boundary.

Lack of empathy leads to greed and selfishness.

If the borders are not enough, they will fall into entanglement and war.

For people who don't empathize enough, be kind and defend your boundaries.

For people with unclear boundaries, the brave you don't have to empathize excessively.

Shut up my ass

Shut up your ass

Without breaking the law, everyone has the right to choose a lifestyle that suits them.

We cannot change others unless they are willing to change themselves.

Nor can they change us unless we are willing to make an effort.

Believing that others have the power to bear their own suffering and life is respect for life itself.

Believing that you have the strength to meet the storms and frosts of the rest of your life is a recognition and hope for yourself.

Then, to distinguish between three things:

My business, other people's business, God's business.

My business, I do my best, try my best to do well, enjoy it.

I look at other people's affairs objectively, try to let go, and uphold kindness.

God forbid, I give it to time, believe in cause and effect, and respect the ending.

"May God give me peace to endure what I must endure;

May God give me the courage to change what I can change.

Please give me the wisdom to discern the difference between the two. ”

If so, very good.

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