Self-disciplined children are often not born, but in the nurturing of their parents.
Parents are not pushing behind
Children will never learn on their own initiative
There are two main sources of human instinctive action,
One is to pursue happiness, and the other is to escape from pain.
Most people's instinct is to choose the latter. Therefore, it is also the nature of most children to be playful and lazy when learning.
There is a father who secretly photographed the whole process of his child's homework:
Push the door for a while, dotted the wall, distracted, dazed, going to the toilet, all kinds of small actions, that is, do not write homework, a full 9 minutes of time, the child really spent on homework time, but only more than 2 minutes.
Many parents have sighed: "It's like seeing their own children." ”
Yes, what this child has exposed is actually the common disease of countless children. They have poor self-discipline, low ability to learn independently, and once they lack the supervision and discipline of their parents, it is easy to not control themselves.
Studies have proved that before the age of 6, the prefrontal cortex of the brain is immature, the motivation for learning is not clear, and the self-control is also very weak
If at this time, parents, as the "first responsible person" of the child, choose to leave it alone, the child will only become more and more unscrupulous and indulge himself.
Therefore, parents are more needed to formulate rules and supervise at all times to help children get rid of the willfulness and looseness in their nature. For parents, we must help the child guide the child when he does not have the ability to think independently, and the greatest vision of parents is to let the child turn self-discipline into a way of life.
Who will know how much life will suffer in the future if they refuse to suffer and study now.
Therefore, don't think of "letting go" as "waiting for the flowers to bloom".
In the critical period of his habit formation, push him in an appropriate way, and the child will fall in love with this sense of self-discipline and have a spontaneously formed "good habit".
The sooner the child's self-discipline habit is cultivated, the better, a good habit is easy to form in the child's childhood, but it is difficult to develop after they grow up.
On the contrary, if children have many bad habits when they are young, it is difficult to change them when they grow up.
Therefore, the habit of self-discipline in children, the sooner they are cultivated, the better.
Cultivating children's self-discipline, how old is the key?
Before we talk about age, let's look at goals.
If you want your child to learn self-management, you must first understand one of the principles of self-discipline: first bear pain, then enjoy happiness.
That was certainly not the right time for the first three years of life. Because 0-3 years old, children need a lot of love from their parents. And at this time, it is not an easy task for you to let your child understand this truth.
Psychoanalytic psychology believes that the relationship between childhood parents and children determines the character destiny of a child throughout life. Therefore, in the first few years, you can love your children as much as you want and cultivate the intimate relationship between parents and children.
Just pay attention not to spoil children in the name of love and develop bad habits.
Love and rules are not in conflict.
By the age of 3-6, it is a critical period for children to form a sense of rules and early behavioral habits.
At this time, the child's self-management begins to sprout. They will begin to show a strong willingness to prove their abilities; they will also begin to set rules in the game and be open to discipline.
Children at this age begin to develop all kinds of abilities. They can understand your instructions and express their thoughts smoothly.
Help children find the "internal drive" of self-discipline
Of course, parents need to understand that self-discipline can never be obtained through persecution.
Instead of focusing on false "self-discipline," it is better to guide the child to discover what the point of what he is doing right now is.
What parents have to do is to help their children find what they really love, and encourage children to have both "dreams" and dare to "think", turning the unattainable dreams into a step-by-step effort.
Dreams, or ambitions, are the source of a child's continuous upward mobility, and it is also the biggest "internal driving force" of self-discipline.
How to cultivate true "self-discipline"? The easiest way to do this is to make short-term goals and plans that are easy to achieve.
Too high a requirement, let alone a child, even if it is an adult, it will lose confidence because it is "not reached".
But if you break down grand dreams into small goals that are easy to achieve and make short-term plans, it is easy to taste the sweetness of success.
The same is true of children's learning and life. Every day, as long as you improve a little bit from yesterday's self, whether it is a 5-point improvement in the exam, or a math puzzle, or a life skill, the brain will send a signal of appreciation.
Parents give timely affirmation and encouragement, which will make children more confident. The recognition of self-worth will also make children more self-disciplined and develop the habit of continuous effort.
self-discipline
It is the best gift that parents can give to their children
Famous educators say that if you develop a good habit, you will not be able to enjoy the interest it brings you for a lifetime, and if you develop a bad habit, you will be paying off endless debts all your life.
Parents must guide their children to become people with rules and bottom lines, and help children open the door of interest and develop good habits of continuous efforts through encouragement and affirmation.
The habit of active learning
If you want your child to develop the habit of active learning, the key is not to urge the parents, but to make rules in advance.
When the child is young, parents should formulate corresponding rules and accompany the child to strictly implement, such as writing homework to play, checking after homework is completed, reviewing and previewing every day, and so on.
Letting the rules urge children to take the initiative to learn is more effective than parents following behind and nagging and urging.
The habit of managing time
Tang Ming-yang, gold medalist of the 60th International Mathematical Competition, once shared his holiday schedule. He arranged his study, reading, and exercise time in an orderly manner, and set himself several small goals every week, such as reading a few extracurricular books. The reason why he can have such a strong time management ability is inseparable from his mother's education.
When he was very young, his mother taught him to make a daily schedule. When making plans, mom will also fully respect his ideas and only give some advice. Mom supervises him every day, and every time he completes a plan, she will give him corresponding points rewards. He feels that he has a great sense of accomplishment every day, and he has unconsciously developed a good concept of time and developed the habit of managing time.
Adhere to the habit of reading to cultivate the habit of reading, parents should work together with their children.
There is a father in Hunan who built a special family library in order to make his son fall in love with reading. When my son was 2 years old, the collection had reached 20,000 books. Now, ten years later, my son has become his most loyal reader.
No matter how interesting the children's home and school are, if you do not read some beautiful, interesting and precious books, it is like being robbed of the most precious wealth of childhood, learning affects the vision, the vision determines the pattern, and the pattern affects the child's future life. Good reading habits can benefit children for a lifetime.
A child's lack of self-discipline is instinctive, and it is the ability of parents to let him be self-disciplined. Helping children develop good habits and let self-discipline take root in their hearts is the real and far-reaching love of parents for their children.