The family has a difficult scripture to read, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is probably the most difficult one.
Most of the topics on the Internet about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are complaining about mother-in-law, because the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law leads to the breakdown of husband and wife's feelings.
So more and more young people are not married, they begin to be afraid, imagining how they should face it in the future.
But in fact, if the mother-in-law also knows how to vent on the Internet, it may be another picture.
To this end, we recently launched a solicitation on "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law living together".
Try to collect some real mother-in-law life stories.
Among the more than 200 replies received, there are rough life, complex and cruel stories, and unexpected answers.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live together, who is more aggrieved?
The answer to this question is the most qualified answer for those who have experienced it.
@Yellow Kitten:
Tell me about my wonderful mother-in-law.
She said to take care of my confinement and let her son not care, as a result, I just asked my husband to help me cook a supper, she knew, the next day told me that her son worked hard, don't always bother him, there is something you can call her.
The point is that she goes back to her room after 9 p.m. every night and doesn't come out, how dare I call someone.
Then she went around telling people how tired she was with the child, letting everyone praise her for her hard work, turning around and throwing it at me when she got home, and when her son was coming back, she quickly picked it up and pretended she was carrying it.
Before hearing other people complain about their mother-in-law, I thought that as long as I did a good job, sincerely for them, at least there would be no major contradiction.
Later, I learned how wrong I was.
There is a category of people who will never reflect on themselves, will only think that you are weak and deceitful, and then get in the inch.
The point is that when I complained to my husband, he didn't think it was a problem.
He can't understand that his mother has obviously helped with the child, you can't tolerate this little thing, it's you who are looking for something, let him be embarrassed.
Later, the mother-in-law knew that she also made a big fuss, crying in front of everyone, and her husband always protected her mother, thinking that her mother was pitiful.
I know a lot of people might say, "Then you move out."
I also wonder if everyone has the conditions and abilities to live separately, so I dare only say it here.
@Xu Xin:
We were married for eight years, and my mother-in-law and we lived for about five years.
When the in-laws were at home, most of them stayed in the living room, half lying on the sofa watching TV, and I sat next to them.
Sometimes I couldn't get into their topic, so I naturally went to the bedroom alone.
I basically don't leave the bedroom after washing up every night, but I don't dare to really relax in the room.
Talking to my husband is soft, not to mention being interested in that aspect.
For a while, I was addicted to online shopping, although my mother-in-law did not say anything on her lips, but every time she saw a courier, she turned around and left without saying a word.
Later, when I bought something, I first sent it to the company to unpack the package, and took advantage of the fact that my mother-in-law was not secretly taking it back.
Living with my in-laws is not so much a contradiction as it feels more constrained and repressed.
It's not even as good as sharing a room, because your roommates are less likely to interfere with your life.
So this year, my husband and I bought a house by our own efforts, although it is not big, but for me, in addition to space and freedom, there is the most important sense of belonging.
I can decorate my home according to my preferences, the sofa can lie down as much as I want, I can not wear underwear after taking a shower, and I can take the courier every day without any psychological pressure.
I finally felt that I was the hostess of this home.
@Kiki Mom:
My mother-in-law is 63 years old, has not read books, and has been a farmer all her life.
When I was busy at work, she cleaned the house and wiped the corners and under the sofa little by little with a rag.
She is simple and habitual, but she never tires of changing tricks to make us food, and often asks people how to make it more delicious when buying vegetables.
Although I sometimes envy others for having a young and cultured mother-in-law who can go shopping and chat together, but now I am very content.
But all this changed after I gave birth.
The child's jaundice, flatulence, spitting up milk, diarrhea, complementary food, feeding, etc. tossed the family to exhaustion, and I also had two or three quarrels with my mother-in-law.
One night in bed, my husband asked me, "Do you feel more and more anxious?" ”
I realized that it was me.
Those quarrels actually don't make any sense at all, the children are growing up on time, the mother-in-law is more dedicated, but it is my complaints that ruin the atmosphere in the family.
When two generations live together, there will be differences in age, experience, and life circumstances, but the goal is to make this home better.
@Aunt Zhang:
I don't understand why everyone is now advising young people not to live with their elders.
We have worked hard all our lives, bought them a house with full money, and renovated it, but in the end we can't live?
I don't know how many of the people who say these things are parents, but think about it from another angle, if you buy a house for your son and end up being kicked out by your son and daughter-in-law, how do you feel?
Everyone is a parent, and if the children have the ability to earn money and take care of their families, we will certainly be happy for them.
But now young people, most of them still need the help of their parents, buy a house, bring children...
I'm not the kind of mother-in-law who is annoying and has to live together, but who can stand in our point of view and think for us.
We have hollowed out the family foundation, people are old, there is no place to continue to work, except for the children's side, where can we go?
Those who say that they let their children pay for the pension, even if they let their sons and daughters-in-law give, how much can they give?
What's more, we don't want to be a burden to our children and drag down their lives.
Isn't living together the most economical way to do it?
@Sister Chen:
I bring my grandson when he is born, I bring it during the day, I sleep with me at night, and I have to cook the family's meals, buy vegetables, and wash clothes.
Occasionally do housework can not open their hands to watch children, let the children watch TV by themselves, the daughter-in-law is not happy, saying that I often show children mobile phone TV, affecting vision;
A few days ago, the trustee brought two buckets of peanut oil squeezed by himself from his hometown for the children to eat, and they were disliked, "Now who still eats the peanut oil squeezed from the soil";
When I think about living in my son's house for a few years, I was like a nanny with a sticker of money, and I never even had a word of thanks.
When I need it, let me take the handle, and when I am not satisfied, I will dislike the old man for getting in the way.
Sometimes it is really chilling, in order to take the child, the wife is alone in the country, and I don't see her several times a year.
Otherwise, simply going out to work to earn some pension money is better than now.
But after I mentioned it once, I heard them arguing in the room that night.
"She won't help me with the baby now, and I won't serve me when I get old."
It is said that the daughter-in-law is not good, in fact, the mother-in-law is also not good.
@Ms. Song:
I only have one son, and we have always been inclusive of him from childhood to adulthood.
So even though he was married for a long time, we still lived together.
I am not the kind of mother-in-law who can't be confused, as long as my son and daughter-in-law have contradictions, I protect my daughter-in-law, often give them pocket money, and let them go out on weekends.
But there is still a sense of distance, so the family atmosphere has always been good.
My son has matured a lot after marriage, and my daughter-in-law will buy me things from time to time, and relatives will see sweet mouths.
I think that when a daughter marries into our family, she is a member of our family, don't say anything about being a daughter, but giving her the respect she deserves is the most real.
I don't dare say how well I did, but if I had a daughter, I would also like her to meet a good mother-in-law.
Every mother-in-law is also from the daughter-in-law, why should a woman be embarrassed by a woman?
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are actually a very delicate relationship.
As a woman, you are bound to have a lot in common, and it is therefore more likely to cause disputes.
Coupled with the fact that the two people who were originally strangers suddenly became a close family, it tested both the mother-in-law's acceptance of the daughter-in-law and the daughter-in-law's understanding of the mother-in-law.
And the ideal state is nothing more than learning to lower expectations, think in a different position, with respect, and have a degree of mutual understanding.
To be able to do one of these things, I believe that most of the contradictions can be solved.
But the mother-in-law is not a mother, and the daughter-in-law is not a daughter.
Many people ask the daughter-in-law to be obedient to the mother-in-law, and the mother-in-law should love the daughter-in-law, but few people really understand that all this is decided by men.
As it is said in "The Marriage of the Two of Us":
"Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are originally a by-product of marriage, and two people only have an interest, not a direct relationship.
Two women are intimate because of the same man, one is maternal love, the other is love, and there is emotional competition.
In this triangle, the husband is the linker of the relationship and the creator of the problem.
Whether the family relationship is good or not, the husband's way of handling it is the most critical link.
As for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, ten years to see the mother-in-law, ten years to see the daughter-in-law.
I also hope that every woman can understand this truth.
At the end of the article, please also light up "in the view", may the women of the world be able to compare their hearts to their hearts and keep in mind the boundaries.
Be a good daughter-in-law, but also be a good mother-in-law.
Author | Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Image | Visual China