Text | Fruit
"If I am always pushed forward, it is fate; but I am a person who does not want fate to control me, since I was a child, I have not obeyed fate, and I have no choice at birth, so I feel that I want to be a person who can choose." 」 ——Deng Cuiwen
Tang Cuiwen is a well-deserved queen of Hong Kong drama.
In the play, she has played a variety of roles; outside the play, her life is also like a drama twist. After her mother gave birth to her at an age when she didn't know how to be a parent, she threw her to her grandparents, and she didn't enjoy a real childhood.
Because of the lack of father's love, at the age of 19, Deng Cuiwen fell in love with Wan Ziliang, who was 9 years older than her, and this relationship had sweetness and regrets; and later, her extramarital affair with her husband Jiang Hua, who had a wife, once hurt her to the point of exhaustion.
The emotional failure made her see through the love in the rolling red dust but obsession. She turned around and threw herself into her acting career, creating one classic role after another and becoming the queen of Hong Kong drama.
01. The little pretty girl who is rejected
In a hong Kong wet market in the early 1970s, everyone could always see a beautiful but depressed little girl carrying a vegetable basket alone, picking cheap vegetables at various stalls. Whenever the stall owners saw her, they would shout: Beautiful girl, what do you want?
She is Deng Cuiwen, and her mother gave birth to her at the age of 17, "She is a child herself, how can she know how to raise a child?" Recalling her childhood, Deng Cuiwen said.
I don't know how to raise children, and I have to work to earn money to survive, so Deng Cuiwen, who is still in her infancy, was thrown to her grandparents.
And Deng Cuiwen seems to know that she is a discarded child, sensible and painful, not noisy, obediently lying in the walker holding a bottle to drink milk, at that time she has been waiting for her parents, waiting for them to pick her up one day.
However, what Deng Cuiwen waited for was the news of their divorce.
Later, they each had a new family, and Deng Cuiwen finally realized that they would never take her away.
In the age when other children have played with toy kitchen utensils, Deng Cuiwen is really doing housework, going out to buy vegetables, going home to cook, washing dishes after eating, washing clothes by herself, and cleaning the hygiene of the home.
She could bear all this, and what she was most afraid of was the strange eyes of her teachers and classmates.
She said that other children's student manuals were signed by their parents, but her grandparents were: "So many teachers think that my family has problems, and some teachers will think that I am a problem child." 」 ”
In her grandparents' home, Deng Cuiwen has no right to speak, she has to listen to her grandparents, even watching TV has no autonomy, she can't choose the cartoons she wants to watch, and she can only follow her grandparents to watch adult dramas.
Therefore, Deng Cuiwen can be said to have grown up in various Hong Kong dramas from a young age, and the Hong Kong dramas of that era were as precious as a family treasure, and the love for performance was also unconsciously sprouted and grown up at that time.
She is often attracted to the characters in the play: "I found that every time I watch a TV series, if some characters are very attractive to me, I can immediately become her, and I often fantasize that I am her." 」 ”
When she grew up, Deng Cuiwen understood that in fact, because she felt that her childhood world was unhappy, she wanted to go to another world, temporarily forgot her situation and life, and became another person.
At that time, she did not think that she could really do this one day.
02. Unfortunately, I didn't understand love at that time
Living with grandparents, there is too much discomfort and not freedom. What Deng Cuiwen longs for most is to be able to finish high school quickly, go out to find a job to earn money to support herself, and move out of her grandparents' house, so after high school, she began to look for job opportunities.
At that time, she wanted to be a flight attendant, because the flight attendant's job was very busy, she had to fly everywhere, so that there would be less time to go home, which was exactly what she wanted, to run away from home. But at that time, she was still young and could only do ground work, just like an ordinary office worker.
She can only find other jobs, in fact, the god of fate has already arranged opportunities for her, TVB TVB has launched a four-month artist training course for the first time in the world, and there is a salary, which is very important, and it is necessary to convince Grandpa with a salary.
However, as soon as Grandpa heard that he was an actor, he strongly opposed it, which is also understandable, in the 80s, people's thinking was still quite conservative, especially the older generation of people did not have a good view of the profession of actor.
However, Tang Cuiwen still insisted on attending the artist training course.
And she found that she really had a talent for acting: "I was able to quickly devote myself to a role since I was a child, so I felt that I was a very fond of acting, acting was not a big problem for me, and I could get started very quickly, in fact, we didn't learn anything, only two months was studying, and I took exams very quickly." ”
Although she only studied for two months, Deng Cuiwen performed well in the exam, so TVB signed a 5-year contract with her in one go, but as a newcomer, the salary given to her was very low, and Deng Cuiwen still had to continue to live home.
However, Grandpa could not wait for the drama in which Deng Cuiwen participated to be broadcast, and he died of illness.
Since then, grandma and Deng Cuiwen have been left to rely on each other.
What Deng Cuiwen did not expect was that soon she got the opportunity to pick the beam and star "Xue Rengui's Crusade" with red star Wan Ziliang, and what she did not expect was that the ratings of this series were hot, as high as 61 points, making her popular in Hong Kong overnight.
When filming this series, Deng Cuiwen had to stay in the crew for more than ten or twenty hours a day, and gradually, she fell into the drama and fell in love with Wan Ziliang, who was 9 years older than herself, and later Deng Cuiwen admitted that she did not know that she liked him in the play or him outside the play.
Deng Cuiwen, who lacked his father's love in the original family, found the love she wanted in Wan Ziliang.
Wan Zi treated her like a teacher, like a father, like a brother, he was mature and steady, careful and gentle, and he would take care of people; he spoiled her unconditionally and tolerated her wayward little nature.
He is sincerely good for her and hopes that she can go further in her acting career, so in his spare time, he takes her to see dramas, hoping that she can learn and have some understanding.
Unfortunately, at that time, Deng Cuiwen did not understand Wan Ziliang's good intentions, and she only wanted to earn money and be independent.
She is an arrogant person, with her own backbone and bottom line, and does not want to survive on men: "Every time I take his (Wan Ziliang)'s gift, I have a very strange idea, you give me such an expensive gift, I have nothing to return to you; I just feel that I should not want, you receive a very heavy gift, you should return something to him." 」 ”
This relationship lasted only two years and ended with a breakup, which can only be said to be that they met at the wrong time, when Deng Cuiwen first entered the society, and it was the first time in love, did not know how to love, the two were inseparable.
03. Some love is toxic
Time passed, and the 5-year contract period soon arrived, at this time Deng Cuiwen had established a foothold in TVB.
After the contract expired, she finally had the ability to "negotiate" with the TV station, she changed the "ministry contract", only two plays a year, but they were all important plays, the treatment was much better than before, she finally achieved independence and moved out to live on her own.
However, in 1992, after the expiration of her contract with Wireless, the 26-year-old Deng Cuiwen decided to suspend her acting career, and she used all her savings to study in the United States, because she gradually learned about herself in those years:
"I don't know how to socialize, I can't get together, I'm a person with a more direct personality, I know I want to say good things, but I can't say them." So I think I still have to have other abilities, and if no one chooses me to act in the future, I don't have a chance to be the protagonist again, I still have the ability to live. ”
Running to leave herself a way back, Deng Cuiwen went to the United States to study alone, first read the business department, felt no interest, and then transferred to read interior design, a total of three years, but what she gained was a deeper understanding of the profession of acting.
When she was studying interior design in New York, some of her classmates performed on Broadway, and she often went to see them perform, and from them, she saw for the first time the actors who were really born for the play, whether they played the main role or the supporting role, they would go all out.
Deng Cuiwen said that in recent years, she has been educated and understands how real actors should do it.
Because the money was almost spent, Deng Cuiwen had to interrupt her study abroad life, and she returned to Hong Kong to continue filming. But with the passage of time and the emergence of new people, Deng Cuiwen is no longer the highly sought after Hua Dan of the past, she can only start from scratch.
However, at this time, her state of mind is different from the past, she is really acting with her heart, and she does not care about the role or the number of roles.
In 1996, Deng Cuiwen ushered in a turning point in her career, she starred in the drama "I Have a Date with Spring". As soon as the series was launched, it became the king of ratings, and the 30-year-old Deng Cuiwen once again became the object of pursuit.
However, because she entered the play too deeply, she fell in love with the actor Jiang Hua who played with her, and was thrown into hell overnight.
Deng Cuiwen mistakenly paid for her feelings, she thought that Jiang Hua was sincere with her, but she did not know that he was a flower intestine without responsibility, after the extramarital affair between the two was exposed, Jiang Hua actually claimed that Deng Cuiwen had seduced him, and Deng Cuiwen was scolded.
During that time, Deng Cuiwen's life can be said to have suffered an unprecedented heavy blow, not only in the emotional life was hit hard, but also economically, because of the impact of the financial storm, unable to continue to supply housing, her tens of millions of investment properties were recovered by the bank.
Her life really fell to the bottom, with nothing to rely on, and she didn't know where to go.
04. Learn to reconcile with yourself
Looking back at the past with Jiang Hua, Deng Cuiwen has already realized.
She said that she did not love to regret this person, but this only incident made her regret it very much, and she also realized her wrong obsession in love: "Every time I invest in feelings, I am vigorous, I don't think about the consequences, it is to pay, thinking that love is like this." 」 ”
In fact, even the gods and immortals will be crazy about love, let alone people? And sometimes, allowing ourselves to experience some emotional and life tribulations is not necessarily a bad thing, and perhaps only in this way can we learn to reconcile with ourselves and with our families.
The misfortune of the original family in childhood affected Deng Cuiwen's concept of love, making her mistakenly pay for love; after experiencing the lowest tide in life, she gradually learned to laugh at life and accept everything in life.
She forgave her parents and reconciled with them, but also with herself.
Outside of filming, she would take the initiative to return to her mother and live with her mother for a few days; and her mother would try her best to make up for her, and her mother prepared a delicious bento for her and brought her to the set to eat; her father flew over to accompany her when she went out to shoot.
Although she is getting older, she is no longer obsessed with love and marriage.
In an interview with Lu Yu, she said, "In fact, later I found that sometimes I just want love, I just want to fall in love, I just want to give me a sense of security from love, and someone recognizes that I am worthy of love, or I have the ability to love people, these two are very important concepts." ”
She said she found herself actually preferring to live alone.
Yes, when we learn to love ourselves and no longer need to get a sense of security from others, why should we be afraid of living alone?
Deng Cuiwen, who became determined and tenacious in her heart, later created one rating miracle after another in her career, shooting many masterpieces, and looking back now, her best works are actually after she experienced a big change in her life.
Everyone's favorite "Golden Branch Desire", "Towel Woong", "Scarf Woong Xiong's Righteous Sea Pride" are her works after the age of 38. With the wonderful interpretations in the last two works, she became the wireless rearview.
Today, although the 56-year-old Deng Cuiwen is not married, she has a career she loves, a group of friends who treat her sincerely, live the life she wants to live, and enjoy the gifts of life.
People like this who know how to live in the moment are happy.
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Author: Guo Guo, who has been a social news reporter, has written entertainment news for ten years, and is now a freelance writer and self-media author, paying attention to hot news and character stories, welcome to pay attention to and leave messages, or contact Guo Jie to tell your story.