I don't know when it started, my daughter's study has become a heavy stone in my heart.
As soon as I think about her status and achievements, I am instantly overwhelmed by anxiety.
Think about when our generation was a child, just learn a practice, write a homework, when did parents worry so much?
How did it get to the current child, so hard?
01
My daughter is in the sixth grade of primary school this year, and it is reasonable to say that she should also be sensible and know how to learn actively.
But she was completely out of shape.
Since my daughter went to school, in addition to learning to make her own efforts, all other food, clothing, shelter and transportation are taken care of by me, as long as other people's children have, my daughter does not have to open her mouth, do not have to be hungry, I will immediately arrange for her.
But in such an environment, with such superior conditions, the daughter can't even do a good job of learning, and has always lacked initiative in learning.
You push, she moves; if you don't push, she's happy to lie flat.
In the lower grades, the learning content is simple, and the class can generally score more than 90 points.
As long as you can complete the homework step by step, everyone looks the same.
But as the grade increases, gradually, the gap becomes more and more obvious.
Every day when I accompany my daughter to write homework, I am often infuriated by her grinding and evasive learning attitude.
I would rather stare at the textbook in a daze than use my brain to solve the problem;
Writing homework to cope with things, sloppy handwriting, errors and omissions.
I trained fiercely, and it took a few days, but it wasn't long before I reappeared in its original form.
Seeing that my daughter's grade decline was getting worse and worse, and I couldn't make up for it by relying on simple rote memorization, I was very anxious, so I spent a lot of money to report one-on-one tutoring to her.
But within a few days of class, the teacher sent me a complaint.
02
"As soon as she went to class, she played, was in a daze, didn't listen, and her answers were also garbled. Asked why she didn't listen, she said her brain was too tired. ”
Finally, the teacher suggested that I stop one-on-one first, and the child was at least willing to learn before it was worth spending money on the lesson. Otherwise, the money will be spent, and the learning effect will not be good.
"Children don't look like they can't keep up with their intelligence, but they just don't care and are afraid of being tired." The teacher's words made me feel ashamed and angry.
Even the students who are sent to the door, the teacher is not willing to teach, what is this child like?
When I got home, I pulled my daughter out of the room and scolded her fiercely:
"You ask, how many parents are willing to give their sixth-grade children such expensive one-on-one tutoring?" But how did you learn and how did you repay me? ”
"Why is it so hard to learn something every day?" Can you learn or not, stupid brain? Or do you just don't want to learn? ”
The more I talked, the angrier I became, and I took my shoe and slapped it on my daughter a few times.
My daughter was beaten by me and ran back to the room crying, did not eat dinner, and finally fell asleep sobbing.
That night, I went to see her in my daughter's room, only to find it full of crying words.
"I don't know why, I just don't like to study, maybe like my mother said, I'm too stupid." 」
"Every day I am forced to study, and then there will be junior high school, high school, I am so tired, if I am not there, is it liberated?" It won't make Mom and Dad angry. ”
I panicked, such a small child, how can there be such a thought?
Forcing her daughter to study has caused her so much psychological pressure? Am I being educated in the wrong way?
Looking at my daughter's sleeping little face, at that moment, I regretted it!
03
I did it all for her good! How did it end up "forcing her"? Why are other children less tired than she is? What did I do wrong?
In order to find the answer, I checked a lot of information on the Internet, also studied psychology, family education, and slowly understood the reason behind this.
Children lack motivation to learn, are tired of school, and often have the same parenting problem - over-parenting.
Many parents are too doting on their children, and in addition to learning what they can't do, they almost do everything they can.
When the child has just asked for it, he has helped the child clear all obstacles.
For example, often pay attention to whether the child is thirsty or not, let the child always be handed water to drink, some children have grown to several years old, have not had their own thirst to pick up water, pour water experience.
Parents think that this will make the child safe and happy, but the child's feeling is - empty, boring.
In the long run, it will lead to children's lack of opportunities to do things independently in the process of growing up.
"Children are taken care of too well, without the joy and willingness to do things on their own, and may not experience the joy of doing a good job."
Secondly, in addition to over-parenting, only emphasize that children should study well, but do not establish high requirements and do not pay attention to the training of learning methods.
Although many parents urge their children to learn, in their daily lives, there is no high standard requirement for their children, and the children's basic learning abilities, such as concentration and perseverance, have not been trained since childhood.
Looking back at my daughter's life now, I found that I was almost all in the unscientific parenting style that the teacher said.
When she was in kindergarten, I would always help her with her manual homework in order to save herself;
When she was in elementary school, because I thought the content was simple, I often allowed her to give up when she complained a little;
All this has accumulated over time, creating the way my daughter is today.
It turns out that the problems of children are all cultivated in long-term parenting methods!
So what can I do to help my daughter get out of the learning dilemma and rekindle the motivation to learn?
The teacher told me that the method is actually very simple.
First, don't be a "lawn mower parent." Let the child solve difficulties and problems independently, so that she can not only gain skills, but also get a sense of accomplishment.
Second, use scientific educational methods to help children train learning skills, make her believe that she can do it, and generate self-efficacy.
04
I began to follow the guidance of my teacher and gradually change the way I taught my daughter.
First of all, no longer "arrange" the child's life, give her the opportunity to do things independently.
In the past, I thought that my daughter only needed to do a good job in studying, and other things that had nothing to do with learning could not be done.
It seems to save her daughter's study time, but in fact, it makes her lose her sense of participation in life.
A child, eating and wearing without worry, living a superior life, no motivation, do not know why to study hard, is a normal thing.
Learning does not exist in isolation in a child's life, life is also part of learning.
Now, I found the problem and started to correct it.
I began to give back my daughter's participation in her life, from the choice of clothes and food to the difficulty of coping with learning.
For example, school assignments, in the past, I used to accompany her to write, often can't see her rubbing attitude, allowing her to check the answers, and accompanied by a lot of judgment and reprimand.
As a result, in my daughter's mind, whether learning is a hard job or a hard job for me, I can't find any fun at all.
Now, I take the positive parenting style taught by the teacher, encouraging her to do it independently, pretending to be interested, but not, and needing her to teach me.
For example, if my daughter has been resisting the recitation, I will ask her, is what you just memorized Fan Zhongyan's poem? Really well written, which dynasty was he a poet? What does this mean? You're awesome, you carry it fast and well.
Non-stop "rainbow fart", positive encouragement, encourage the daughter to do not do well to try again, and when she is done well, it will be a strong compliment, she will be particularly happy and have a sense of accomplishment, and next time she will be very active in her own action.
Second, teach the child an efficient learning method and help her develop learning skills
When my daughter was studying, she often cried tired.
Before, I was angry when I heard this.
I think she is lazy and afraid of difficulties, so she will be reprimanded mercilessly.
"Take you out to play, go shopping, even if you take the courier, you are not afraid of getting tired, how can you be tired as soon as you study?"
Because in my concept, that little bit of knowledge in elementary school is not difficult at all, and where can it be tired?
But through constant communication with the teacher and continuous updating of educational methods, I now believe that she is tired of saying that she is really feeling, not lying and shirking.
Because, in the past study, although I frequently urged my daughter to study well, I did not have high standards for her.
Especially in the lower grades, she occasionally did not finish seriously, or evaded difficult problems, I did not take it too seriously, and acquiesced to her looking up the answers.
She complained slightly, and I allowed her to give up.
As a result, my daughter's brain has been lacking enough exercise over the past few years.
Her ability to continue to focus and think in her head stood still and did not improve with age.
For other children, moderately difficult learning activities, she does a little while, she feels that she has reached the limit, that is, the threshold of brain exhaustion is particularly low.
So, I began to use various learning methods to help her persevere, prolong the time her brain can continue to work, and improve her cognitive ability.
In order to reduce the rejection of my daughter, I started with her favorite language.
I took my daughter to the bookstore and told her that as long as it is the book you want to read, no matter what the content is, just pick it and buy it all for you today.
My daughter was very excited, because usually, I would not be so generous as to buy her books that had nothing to do with study.
After returning home, I agreed with my daughter to insist on reading every day after completing my homework, and gradually increase the difficulty of reading, broaden the categories of reading materials, and extend the reading time.
Through the persistence of reading interest, complete the cultivation of children's perseverance and endurance, and first establish a sense of harvest and achievement for her.
"Reading a book breaks ten thousand volumes, and the next pen is like a god", this is really the case. Soon, her daughter's accumulation of reading helped her.
In the persistence day after day, the daughter's sense of language has been comprehensively improved, and her thinking has become active in writing.
The compositions she wrote were read aloud by the teacher as sample texts in the class, reciting the texts, and the speed of sentence making was getting faster and faster.
The praise of the teacher and the envy of the students have become the booster of the daughter's sense of value, and for the first time in her life, she has felt the wonderful taste of gaining recognition through hard work.
My daughter said to me: "Mom, I find it quite interesting to study, you learn well, teachers and parents are happy, I myself have a special sense of achievement, I feel that as long as I work hard, I have nothing I can't do." ”
"It's such a great feeling, better than eating KFC!"
I did the same, transferring my daughter's training to other subjects such as math and English.
After all, children are still children, and changing habits is not an overnight thing. In the process, my daughter has repeatedly regressed, but I have basically maintained a peaceful state of mind.
The requirements for the child cannot be exceeded too much at once, otherwise, the pressure exerted on the child will make her fear of learning greater than enthusiasm.
As long as there are always requirements, in general, she is improving.
In the final exam of the first semester of the sixth grade, my daughter scored the best grade in elementary school history.
I believe that as long as I guide slowly, use different methods, and use vivid facts to let the child come to the conclusion that "learning is important" on his own, then the internal driving force will help her move forward steadily.
From my daughter's school-weariness and world-weariness to her current active efforts, I am glad that I have found a scientific and effective educational method! If you are also faced with not knowing how to educate children and guide children to overcome school boredom, it is also recommended that you participate in the "Save Adolescent Rebellious, School-Weary, And Suspended Children" Parent Growth Training Camp, 4-day course only needs 9.9, a cup of milk tea money, click the card below to register!
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I hope that parents, when they encounter problems with their children, can think from another angle and bravely seek professional help.
Face the problem head-on to change.
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