Not long ago, a bride on Douyin posted a new wedding photo, which caused a hot discussion.
She accompanied it with 15 photographs, with the caption:
Someone found that among the 15 photos, only there was no photo with her husband. Therefore, many netizens complained that the bride's husband was "wronged".
Some even made an analogy: 350,000 can buy a lens on CCTV.
Regarding the married life of others, I had no intention of judging it. It may be that the groom is reluctant to appear on camera, or that he has a special status, and so on, and there is no need to make a fuss.
Until I saw a netizen in the comment area who said that the woman who got married in their family did not ask for a bride price, the bride replied, "That's you're not worth it."
From the caption, the picture to the answer in the comment section, it is difficult for us to feel how sincere the bride is about this marriage, but more of a shrewd sense of utilitarianism.
When she herself is using the eyes of buying and selling to look at her life's events, it is no wonder that netizens hold the interest relationship between you and me to fight for the groom, and feel that his 350,000 is not worth it.
Self-objectified love, can not win respect.
This reminds me of Ge Weilong, the heroine of Zhang Ailing's "Agarwood Crumbs , The First Burning Incense".
In order to stay in Hong Kong, she found her aunt, the fourth aunt of the Liang family.
The fourth aunt sponsored her to go to school, but asked Ge Weilong to help her linger among various high-society men and help her to close the relationship between these people.
When she had become accustomed to the luxurious life of high society that did not belong to her, even though she knew about her aunt's plot, she could not get rid of it, but could only immerse herself in it, betray and betray her body and mind.
Falling in love with a stupid boy has not gained the respect it deserves. After marrying Georgie Joe, the other party still spends his heart, and Ge Weilong still has to make money for him.
The unfortunate beginning of her life is because she cannot get rid of the shackles of material desires, and her body, mind, and even soul are subordinate to materials and money, and finally she loses herself and lives a life of the walking dead.
The root of self-materialization is to rely on the value of oneself as a human being on the material.
For example, the bride mentioned above, in her view, her marriage represents a dowry of 350,000, three gold and one diamond, and a house without a car.
But in her eyes, there is no groom, and it is very likely that there is no herself. The various beautiful photos she took were actually a display of goods, telling everyone: I am so good-looking, I am worth this price.
Such a marriage is very sad. What's even sadder is that such marriages are not uncommon in reality.
Of course, the wedding can not only be emotional, but also requires a game of interests. But in weighing the pros and cons, it seems that many people have forgotten the original intention of loving each other, face the reality, and do not hesitate to show each other the side of teeth and claws.
For example, the bride price has always been a sensitive point in the marriage relationship between men and women in China.
Including the first two days, I also saw a hot question on Zhihu: the boyfriend asked me how much the bride price was, I joked that it was 200,000, and the boyfriend directly gave up thinking about marriage and planned to only fall in love. Should I still continue?
The comments section was also a heated discussion like a frying pan.
On the one hand, as a man, I naturally feel that the dowry of hundreds of thousands is a very heavy burden. Of course, this is not to say that women should not feel heavy, but I will unconsciously imagine that when I am asked to give such a large dowry, I cannot afford it.
It is not excluded that some middle-class families of the male side can spend thousands of dollars, but more often than not, parents and children smash the pot and sell iron for marriage, and their inability to do so is a portrayal of more families.
It is said that with regard to the sky-high bride price, the state has begun to rectify it, and even some places have given "guidance prices". Because the marriage rate is so low today, most people can't do anything about the bride price.
On the other hand, I can also understand what some women say, ask for a bride price to have a sense of security, to prove that the man cares about himself, to make himself appear less "bargaining", to increase investment, to make his future position in the husband's family secure, and so on.
The 2021 Civil Code stipulates that "arranged, bought and sold marriages and other acts that interfere with the freedom of marriage are prohibited, and it is forbidden to use marriage to solicit property".
It is said that it is forbidden to ask for an appropriate amount of dowry rather than to be paid, which shows that the law respects the autonomy of consciousness, recognizes public order and good customs, and gives the parties to the marriage enough flexibility.
As to how much of the bride price is appropriate, this is a matter that varies from person to person, and there is no way to generalize.
But I am most afraid of the situation of stepping on the nose and putting on the face.
For example, at the beginning of the year, there was a news that the bride who received her relatives temporarily asked for a bride price of 66,000, otherwise she would not get off. The angry groom turned his head and proposed to his ex-girlfriend.
Such an act of sitting on the ground and selling yourself as a commodity without fear, even if the dowry is high, it seems very cheap. In the end, it is ugly to eat.
The bride price itself is the embodiment of the traditional concept of marriage, treating the woman as a commodity and buying out her life with a sum of money, which is essentially the act of objectifying the woman's self.
Of course, there are many newcomers who use this money as the start-up fee for a new home. It's just that many places are slowly becoming smelly, becoming a yardstick that compares vanity and women use to measure their self-worth.
This is not to say that we have to put an end to the bride price, which is a scourge.
We need to confront the stereotype of the bride price. The amount of the bride price is not a measure of your marital sense of value and happiness.
Matter cannot give dignity, only from the awakening of the self.
A hundred years ago, in Ibsen's play "Doll's House", the heroine Nala lived a good middle-class life and had a husband who seemed to love her.
But she will choose to leave the family because she feels her husband's hypocritical love in the dramatic conflict that follows—in his eyes, she is just a baby in need of care, a doll that can be manipulated.
For the sake of equality in personality, family status and social status, Nala chose to run away. Such a decision may seem incomprehensible to women who have self-objectified.
But a hundred years ago, Nala had a forward-looking sense of female independence, and until now, it is still a classic and has won the respect of future generations.
More than a hundred years later, we still have a long way to go when it comes to true female independence.