Text: Flipping through the books in his spare time
The language most of us use tends to judge, compare, command, and blame rather than encourage us to listen to each other's feelings and needs.
—Marshall Luxembourg, Nonviolent Communication
Listening is not the first need of life, and the instinct of every person, every life, is to maintain their own unity.
This unity can be understood on a biological level, and the difference between cacti and daffodils is that they have obvious biological boundaries between them, and cells each cluster into different species.
At the microscopic level, the substances that make up the cactus are no different from the daffodils, but the difference is the way the atoms are combined. Nothing in the world we live in has jumped out of the simple truth contained in this example.
When we think that cacti are cacti and daffodils are daffodils, it means that we naturally separate ourselves from all things and give ourselves unity.
For those who have rich minds, our unity exists not only on a biological level, but also in thought, or conceptually, each person is unconsciously shaping his own unity.
Just as cacti have thorns, and daffodils are fragrant, unity means difference, and each defends its own differences. We can't call Narcissus a thorn, just as we don't want to listen to each other's feelings and needs.
In my opinion, communication is more like a last resort, which in a sense temporarily undermines a person's unity and is therefore difficult.
This doesn't mean that positive communication is not good, it's just that I suspect there are ways in this world that can completely let go of themselves.
Everyone has their own point of view and position, so communication in the superficial sense often becomes a kind of persuasion, which means that the other party agrees with a certain point of view, which is a "disaster".
Of course, communication in general may not require much listening, as long as it can be performed. We seem to be more eager for the efficient execution of our will than for mutual understanding, which is also a "disaster" for understanding.
If you look at communication from a unified perspective, you may be able to reduce some of the reluctance to understand. After all, the so-called communication is often the dialogue between the cactus and the daffodil.
Of course, if we are willing to go further in our dealings with others, we should try to let go of our own ideas and look at the problem from the perspective of the other party. When it comes to communicating, understanding, and listening, willingness is far more important than skill.