Adolescent children, like a flower growing on the edge of a cliff,
It is both full of vitality and full of unknown risks.
Whether you can survive the "dangerous period" safely
It depends on whether the parents understand the voice of the child.
01
Maintain your child's self-esteem
The Ming Dynasty scholar Lü Kun once proposed that children have "seven no responsibilities" for making mistakes, the first of which is "not responsible for the public".
Many adolescent children and their parents begin with disrespect.
Remember the Peking University talent Wang Meng, who wrote a ten-thousand-word complaint and blackmailed his parents for 6 years?
He was controlled by his parents from an early age, even if he went to high school, making friends must be looked over by his parents; having parents who did not understand respect was a disaster for adolescent children.
Remember last year, the 14-year-old boy who jumped off a building after being slapped in public by his mother in the hallway of the school?
No one knows what kind of landslide he experienced in the 2 minutes of silence before jumping off the railing. "Has this mother ever thought that when the child is randomly scolded by you, he has his friends, his classmates, and perhaps the girl he has had a crush on for a long time."
Zheng Yuanjie once said: "If you want to destroy your own children, the first thing you should do is to destroy your children's self-esteem." ”
Maintaining children's self-esteem is the most important lesson that every parent of an adolescent child should learn.
Please don't speak to me in a commanding tone
Because compared to what you say
I care more about the way you speak
02
Effective motivation, effective communication
Many parents have a deep understanding that communicating with adolescent children can only speak softly, not hard. The more you command him and control him, the more he confronts you; the tougher you are, the more repulsive and rebellious he becomes.
In the TV series "Little Joy", high school student Fang Yifan's attitude towards his parents is completely different. His mother Dong Wenjie is a "command-style education" for him, he likes to drink everything, he either pretends to be "deaf", or he is yin and yang; his father Fang Yuan treats him as an adult, speaking and drizzling, with a gentle attitude, he can not only listen to his ears, but also put it into his heart.
Almost every child's growth process is indispensable to a long-cherished enemy, that is, "other people's children".
Correct expression of love and encouragement is a prerequisite for effective communication, and many children believe: "Mom and Dad always don't look favorably on me." Or"Or"He's going to think I'm not good enough anyway!" "Then, before communicating, the child's heart has closed the door of understanding.
03
Listen honestly and uncritically
Richard Taylorp, author of The Minimal parental rule, once mentioned in the book the story of his relationship with his adolescent son. Once, he asked his son to go out with him, but his son was watching TV and refused to leave. In this regard, he did not get angry, but asked the child very seriously why. After learning that the show was his son's favorite, and that he had waited for two weeks, Thalep consulted with the child, put down the schedule, and went out together. Telep said that the reason why things can be resolved smoothly is that the child feels his respect for him.
Treating children with the same respect as adults is the most powerful language for communicating with adolescent children.
"A big part of the tragedy of adolescent children is not that parents don't love enough, but that they communicate in the wrong way." 'Listening' is a non-verbal message that is quite effective in making the other person feel truly accepted. ”
Honest and uncritical listening is a prerequisite for effective communication with adolescent children. You allow me to express my feelings, you respect and accept all my emotions, you love me, I deserve to be loved.
04
Patience and trust
Children who are trusted by their parents are the most powerful, because with the support of love, no matter how much setbacks and storms they encounter, they will not be timid and withdrawn.
Being a parent of an adolescent child is difficult because a lot of times, our efforts seem to be in vain.
The moment when a child removes its sharp shell and re-reveals its softness is the most complete moment for us as parents.