First, never admit your fate
I was born on October 14, 1905 to a feudal family in Jinjing Town, One Hundred Miles, Dongxiang, Changsha, Hunan Province. At that time, there were three older brothers and one older sister. The family lived on the 500 quintals of land (500 quintals of rent and grain per year) that their grandfather received after his death, and their lives were relatively prosperous. But the good times did not last long, and within a few years of my birth, our family went downhill.
The house where our family lived was very large, and it was the so-called "Tanjing Book House" around us. I heard that our ancestors were all people who read and became officials, and they were authentic scholars. My father was a man who could not carry the burden on his shoulders, could not carry a basket in his hand, and was bent on reading only the books of the sages, and he lived a leisurely and lazy life, with a broad mind and old-fashioned thinking. At the end of the Qing Dynasty, he was too tall, the old learning foundation was very thick, the eight strands of text were well done, and he also wrote a good hand. Earlier, he went to Hubei to take the exam, and a prefect in Hubei was very appreciative of his article, so he gave his youngest daughter Xu to him, which was my mother. Originally, he could have found an official position, but it happened that my grandmother died, Ding was worried for three years, and he missed the opportunity. After the Xinhai Revolution, his dream of becoming an official was completely shattered, and he deeply felt that he did not meet talent, so he became angry with the situation. He especially hated Dr. Sun Yat-sen and called him "Sun Cannon" in a derogatory manner. He often complained anonymously, was unaccustomed to all new things, and was stuck in the old feudal traditions.
Fortunately, I also have a well-informed, kind and enlightened mother. She was born into a family of officials and eunuchs, read a lot of books, and was also intelligent and capable. But living in that era, the feudal precepts of the three virtues and four virtues bound her, making her like all women, unable to go out of the gate, unable to step on the second door, without personal freedom, and without self-reliance. She was supported at home by her father, who obeyed his orders. After marriage, they must rely on their husbands to support themselves, serve their husbands, and have children. I think, my mother is a pity, I can't be tied to the family like my mother for a lifetime, I want to be self-reliant.
To be self-reliant, you must study, and this truth was only understood after I accepted the lessons of my sister as I grew up. My sister is six years older than me, and she is a girl with a relatively high heart. She liked to read very much, and the family asked the master to teach her brother to read the Four Books and Five Classics, and she quietly followed suit. Later, I studied in the liberal arts class of the Hermit Vocational School in the countryside for two years. At this time, her father took the lead and promised her to a young master of the landlord's family surnamed Zhu. Therefore, her father did not let her go to school again, and asked her to "marry" at home. Soon, this young master suffered from a serious lung disease, so he asked my sister to go to ChongXi, so he sent her sister over. Less than a year later, her brother-in-law died, and her sister became a widow. Poor my sister was only 21 years old at the time. My sister has always been depressed and unhappy in her heart, and often tells me about the pain of not reading, encouraging me to work hard to read. She said, "Girls can only be self-reliant if they study and have a career." My sister's tragic fate, my sister's words, were deeply engraved in my mind.
I looked at my three older brothers, all of whom went to school and read, very spirited, quite learned, very envious. However, my father often got angry, saying that they didn't work, didn't show up, and even beat them. Sometimes my father was so angry that his face was purple, his hands were trembling, he was gasping for breath, he was unable to beat them anymore, but he just murmured to himself: "Raising or not teaching, the father's fault, not teaching, sex is moving." I think it was a very, very sad manifestation of my father. Whenever this happens, the whole family is quiet, and even the atmosphere does not come out. I secretly decided that I would work hard to go to school and study hard not to make my father angry.
However, my father did not want me to study at all. When I was seven or eight years old, my father didn't say let me go to school, and when I was ten years old, he didn't mention that I was going to study. I couldn't stand it anymore and went to my mother again and again. My mother couldn't stand my troubles and asked my father hard. Unexpectedly, the father choked his mother back with a word: "Baby girl, what kind of book did you read?" Besides, where is there a lot of spare money in the family?"
One thing my father said was true, that our family's economy was getting more and more difficult. After I was 7 years old, three younger brothers and a younger sister were born one after another, and the eldest brother and the second brother all married and married and had children one after another. Several brothers are studying, none of them can make money, the family population is increasing year by year, and the income from the fields alone is gradually insufficient. In addition, successive years of warlord wars, wars and chaos, and bankruptcy of the rural economy have affected the income of families. So he began to borrow money from people, and when he could no longer borrow, he sold his fields. Life at home is getting harder and harder every day.
However, no matter how difficult life is, my father still wants my brothers and brothers to go to school, whether they like it or not, no matter how naughty they are, beat them into a reader. I was very unconvinced, why was I so eager to study, but my father would not give me a chance? I talked to my sister, and my sister said indignantly, "I hope my sons will set up a portal and revitalize the family business." Girls grow up and marry people, just like spilling water. Let the girls read, and the father thinks that it is not cost-effective to lose money. "I asked my mother for help, my mother has always been distressed about me, I refused to learn "female red" (needlework), my mother accommodated me. I offered to go to school, and my mother was supportive of me. But there was nothing she could do but admonish me with words like "This is life, a woman's life." I thought, why are women destined not to read like men? My sister's tragedy is a mirror for me, and I will never recognize this fate and will never let fate dictate it. I want to read, I must read! However, my cries, my wishes, were completely ignored by my father. I was crying with sadness and there was nothing I could do about it.
Just when there was desperation, the opportunity quietly came. My brother has grown up and reached the age of enlightenment. But the school where the younger brother wants to go to study is two miles away from home, and there are rivers and ponds and cesspools on the road, and the younger brother is naughty and greedy, in case he falls down. So my father thought of me, and he spoke: "Let Maozi (my nickname) accompany my brother to the academy." Look after your brother, don't get into trouble!" So I became a student.
I studied with my two younger brothers, and when I was fourteen or fifteen years old, I was still soaking in my first year. In 1920, in order to escape the military disaster caused by the warlord melee, our family moved to Changsha City. Living in the city is expensive, and drinking water must be bought with money. My brothers are also grown up, and they don't need me to accompany me to school. I was worried that one day I wouldn't be able to be a student.
The fear did happen. My father wouldn't let me study anymore, and I felt very wronged. I don't believe it, I want to fight.
I cried with sadness all day, and I didn't think about tea and dinner. The mother was distressed and went to intercede with her father, who ignored him. My mother went to the trustees again, and finally found a school that I could go to, that is, the Hengzhi Girls' Vocational School. This is a specialized technical school where my sister once studied painting and embroidery. This school does not charge tuition, and if the embroidery is sold, it can also get two or three yuan. But the cultural curriculum of this school is much shallower than that of ordinary schools, and it is far from satisfying my thirst for knowledge.
After studying in this school for more than a year, I was secretly admitted to the Hunan Provincial First Female Division Primary School. I think this school does not charge tuition, it can not cost a few dollars to go to high school, my father will not object to it! Unexpectedly, he violated his dignity again. The father will not allow his children to go against his will. In order to study, I repeatedly and repeatedly troubled him, and now I actually hid him from going to the examination school, and after he knew it, he lost his temper and resolutely disagreed with my previous female teacher attached to the primary school.
I was angry and sad, I lost sleep all night, and I lost a lot of weight at once. The mother was very distressed, and she could not understand her father, so she had to beg her relatives for help. Relatives listened to the ins and outs of the matter and said that it is not easy for a girl's family to have such ambition and talent. They came to persuade my father: Zheng Jie (this is the scientific name my father gave me) read so well that he would be admitted to the women's teacher's teacher in the future. It doesn't take a few copper tins, cultivate a female talent, and find a career to earn money, which is also a matter of fame and fortune. What's more, in our kind of bookish family, girls are proficient in literature and ink, which is also a very elegant thing.
At this time, it was the early 20s, and the social customs of the Republic of China era were after all more civilized than those of the Qing Dynasty. In a big city like Changsha, there are already girls' schools, and going to foreign schools to study has become a fashion for rich people or scholars.
Relatives interceded one after another, which made the father's psychology slightly balanced. The reason they were talking about, he was a little moved to hear it, and finally nodded reluctantly.
In this way, I finally won the right to formally study, and I took a class to the fifth grade of a female teacher attached to the primary school.
I cherished this easy opportunity to go to school, worked hard, and always scored in the top five in the class exams.
This period of reading life is also quite difficult. My father agreed that when I went to primary school, there was a condition, that is, to read "running school" (that is, day school) and not to live in school. In this way, there is no need to pay for accommodation, and eating at home is much more cost-effective than paying for food at school. However, the school is far from home, and going home at noon will affect the decision to study. I didn't dare ask my father for money, because I was hungry. Every time the class ended at noon, the students rushed out of the classroom, some went to buy rice to eat, and some just used two or three copper plates to buy a burnt cake or one or two steel plates to buy a piece of moldy tofu for lunch. In the eyes of the children of rich families, this is simply an unimaginable hard life. But I can't even enjoy such a meal. At the age of fifteen or sixteen, it is the time to develop a long body, but I am hungry almost every day, how can it not affect healthy growth?
Over time, I often went hungry and let my classmates know. Some students admired my spirit of hard work and became friendlier and closer to me. But he was also a bit snobbish, often showing a look of contempt for me. On the one hand, I felt insulted, and on the other hand, I was even more determined to make these "embroidered pillows" beyond the reach of my studies.
This kind of hard study life is also a tempering for me. I became more likely than the average girl to observe the world around me and to think about all kinds of questions. On my way home every day, I often saw rickshaw drivers rushing forward with people pulled. They were all ragged and dressed, their faces were yellow and thin, and some of them were very old, sick, still running breathlessly, which was even more unbearable for people to see. I thought, they must be overwhelmed, why do they have to brag to pull the cart? Because they have to support their families, the sick wives and children in the family are waiting for him to bring back some money to live! It is fortunate to be able to earn some money, but sometimes when I encounter soldiers and hooligans, I don't count my hard work in vain, and I will be beaten and scolded, and suffer from flesh and skin.
The image of the rickshaw driver is deeply engraved in my mind, and once when I wrote an essay on the proposition of freedom, I naturally thought of the topic "The Rickshaw Driver". This essay was praised by the teacher. The teacher said that the writing angle of my essay was unique and profound, and also said: Zheng Jie has a pair of eyes that can observe, a thinking head, and can ask sharp questions from the commonplace phenomena: Why are people so unequal? Why are some people rich and poor?
I really like our teachers, especially Chinese language teachers and history teachers. They are knowledgeable and progressive, and I love to listen to their lessons. The history of the Qing Dynasty government's loss of power and humiliation of the country, and the national integrity of Yue Fei and Wen Tianxiang, which they talked about, have deeply educated me. I secretly resolved that in the future I would also be a person who could do something to the country and the nation.
At that time, I still had a secret in my heart that no one dared to reveal: I hoped to go to college and learn more knowledge and talents in the future. I remember one summer, a student from Southeast University came to our school for a vacation, and he introduced us to college life. He said he was a work-study student, working and reading. Listening to his words, I longed for college even more. But when I think about my situation, I know that this is an impossible fantasy. I can only bury this wish deep in my heart.
Whenever I think about the future and the way out, my heart is worried. After graduating from primary school, further education is another difficulty. I often consulted with a few of my best classmates and flipped through the newspaper to read the admissions advertisements, hoping to find a school that was suitable for us with low fees. One day, I was sitting under a tree holding a book, when suddenly my good friend Shen Zhi came running, and she was very excited to tell me that a gentleman named Xu Teli had just returned to Changsha from France and founded a Changsha Girls' Normal School and was enrolling students! There is no tuition fee at this school.
This is great news, of course I have to try. Although I was still a year away from graduating from high school, I still went to register for the exam. I'm afraid I've missed this great opportunity. On the day of the list, Shen Zhi and I secretly rushed to see the list, and the names of the two of us were written on the list. And I'm still in fifth place. We were overjoyed! At the end, Shen Zhi said self-deprecatingly: I didn't expect you, a jumping student, to run in front of me.
But when I walked home, I was a little worried, would my father allow it? I begged my mother for help. My mother was always on my side, and she immediately went to persuade my father. This time without much trouble, my father agreed. After a few battles, my father knew that I was stubborn, determined to read, and that opposing me would bring a series of troubles. More importantly, he felt that it was financially reasonable to let me into such a school. Because the school does not charge tuition, the annual food fee is fifty or sixty yuan, although it is necessary to increase some burdens, but after graduating in four years, you can become a teacher, not only can you support yourself, but also help your family. And I said to my father: My sister spent eight hundred yuan on the dowry when she got married. In the future, I will get married, no dowry, no family penny. My father carefully calculated the account and felt that it would not be a loss to train my daughter to go to school. I think that was the main factor that prompted him to agree to my schooling.
I stepped into the Changsha Female Teacher with the idea of reading and self-reliance. I found the air at this school very different from the few schools I've attended in the past. The purpose of Mr. Xu Teli's establishment of Changsha Women's Normal School is to create a learning opportunity for young women with aspirations, so that they can grow into the pillars of the country like men. As soon as we entered the school, Principal Xu Teli told us: You are women, but like men, you are "people" in capital letters. Dr. Sun Yat-sen advocated equality between men and women. Times are different now, and you, like men, have the right to study, the right to work, and all other rights. However, the feudal forces do not allow you to give you rights, so you must rely on yourself to struggle and fight for it. I stand with you teachers. Listening to these touching words, I was infinitely excited, and I was glad that I had entered a new world.
Xu Teli was a famous educator who had not yet joined the Communist Party at that time, but had a deep democratic ideology and strong patriotic feelings. The school style is democratic and the teaching methods are lively and lively. He had a unique approach to education, and for the strengths or weaknesses of his students, he often wrote poems or aphorisms and aphorisms on the blackboard on the front porch of the office to praise or remind them. Before and after the May Thirtieth Movement, we often went to the streets to gather, march, and give propaganda speeches, and he once wrote these two sentences on the blackboard: "Reading does not forget to save the country, and to save the country does not forget to read." Supporting the students' anti-imperialist patriotic enthusiasm also reminds us not to neglect our studies. President Xu also personally taught us history lessons, linked historical facts, and stimulated our patriotic feelings. The student was persecuted by the reactionary authorities for participating in the patriotic movement, and he disregarded his personal safety and tried to find ways to rescue him.
Principal Xu hired a group of progressive young people to teach at the Changsha Female Teacher. Most of them graduated from the Hunan Provincial First Normal School, and many of them were outstanding Communist Party members, such as Zhou Yili, Chen Zhangfu, Luo Xuezhan, and Liao Xirui. Their revolutionary ideas and actions had a great impact on the students. Whether in class or in conversation outside of class, they often educate us about patriotism. Starting from China's history, talking about the great rivers and mountains of the motherland, the industriousness and bravery of the Chinese people, the oppression and exploitation of the Chinese people by feudalism and imperialism, and exploring China's way out. I accepted this indoctrination and witnessed the dark status quo of Chinese society, which aroused a strong patriotic enthusiasm Starting from participating in the student movement, I gradually entered the revolutionary ranks.