Weddings are fundamental to etiquette

Sentence 231:

[Those who meditate will merge the two surnames well, go up to the Temple of the Sect of Things, and follow the descendants of the next generation.] Therefore, the gentleman is heavy. There is a difference between men and women, and then the husband and wife have righteousness; the husband and wife have righteousness, and then the father and the son have relatives; the father and the son have relatives, and then the kings and subjects have righteousness. Therefore, the wedding person, the rite of honor is also. 】

From the Book of Qunshu Zhizhi, volume VII, Book of Rites.

The wedding is to conclude two different surnames of the family friendship, for the upper, you can serve the ancestral sacrifice of the zongmiao; for the lower, you can pass on the generations and inherit the incense, so the gentleman attaches great importance to the wedding.

Men and women have their own division of labor and do their part, and there is morality between husband and wife; morality between husband and wife is established, and it is an example for future generations, and then there is love and harmony between father and son; there is affection between father and son, and then the monarch can be in the right place. Therefore, the wedding is the foundation of the ceremony.

"Those who are in the liturgy will merge the two surnames, and go up to the temple of the Emperor of the Sect, and the next one will succeed the hereafter." Therefore, the gentleman is heavy". The ancients attached great importance to "weddings". Marriage is not a private affair between two people, but "the good of the two surnames". Because the ancient rites stipulate that the same surname does not marry, so any marriage must be two surnames, so it is "good to combine the two surnames".

"On the temple of the Emperor of the Sect", on the upper can serve the ancestral sacrifice of the Ancestors, "and the next to inherit the future generations", to the next can be passed on from generation to generation, inherit the incense, so that the family style, family business, family road from generation to generation, so the gentleman attaches special importance to the gift of marriage.

So the marriage ceremony, in ancient times, there were many steps, the purpose is to raise the sense of responsibility between husband and wife. For example, three days before marrying a wife, the man does not play music for three days, and the woman does not turn off the lights for three days. Why is there such etiquette? Because in three days the daughter will be married, the son will be married, and the son will be married, it is necessary to seize the time to teach the children how to be wives and husbands before marriage, especially when the daughter is still in the mother's home, how to be a mother and father in the future, and how to assume the responsibilities of the family. Of course, the husband and wife usually sing at home and the husband and wife morality, which has a subtle impact on the children, but three days before marriage, they must also seize the time to raise their faces and carry out concentrated teaching.

On the day of marriage, before the husband wants to marry his wife, he must first worship heaven and earth. Because marriage is not a private matter of two people, not only related to the fate of the two families, but also related to the stability of society and the peace of the world, etiquette should be very cautious, and it is necessary to express the intention of maintaining the family well, teaching the children well, and making the society harmonious.

Therefore, before the son goes to marry his wife, he must accept the father's toast, and the father is to toast to the son on behalf of the ancestor, and the son does not have to return the gift. This means that from now on, the responsibility of sacrificing ancestors and the virtues of the family will be borne by you.

Chinese usually talk about the order of the elderly and the young, and the sons are respectfully toasting to the father, but this time the order has changed, becoming the father himself toasting to the son. Then the son must feel that today's incident is different from the past, so he mentioned his respect and sense of responsibility.

When they arrived at the husband's house, the in-laws retired from the master's position, greeted the daughter-in-law from the master's position, and the in-laws retreated to the guest's position. This means that from now on, this family will be entrusted to you, you are the housewife of this family, the responsibility is very heavy, to go to the filial piety of the in-laws, to neutralize the concubines, to assist the husband, to educate the children, and even the rise and fall of the family road are borne by you.

Therefore Chinese there is a saying, "Marrying a good wife can prosper three generations, and marrying a bad wife can defeat three generations." None of this is an exaggeration. Therefore, the happiness of the family depends to a large extent on the virtue of the woman.

In the I Ching, it is said: "The terrain is kun, and the gentleman carries things with thick virtue." Tell people that women should imitate the virtues of the earth. What virtue does the earth have? It is very thick, very stable, and cannot be earthquake-prone. So the word "An" is written as a female character, and on top of it is a treasure cover, which represents the meaning of home. Only when a woman is at home can she be at ease, and only then can her home be stable.

Therefore, women can not often run outside, male and female protagonists, she should be thick, but also stable and quiet. At the same time, the earth also has a characteristic, "the defiler of the earth is multi-creature.". Dirty and dirty places on the earth tend to grow a lot of plants. It shows that the more virtuous and tolerant a woman is, the more family happiness is guaranteed. Therefore, this is all about teaching the importance of female virtue for family harmony.

The wine that the couple drinks is also to cut a gourd melon in half and one person in half. The silk of the gourd melon is bitter, the wine is sweet, and the two people drink the wine, which means that from now on, the husband and wife will share happiness and suffering, support each other, grow old with white heads, and spend their lives together. "Husband and wife have a heart, the loess becomes gold", the husband and wife are originally one, regardless of each other, so they can not often calculate, "two people in the same heart, its profits and gold".

After drinking the wine of the gourd, the two gourds are tied together with a rope and hung on the wall. In the future, when I saw this gourd melon, I reminded myself to "not forget my original heart". In later family life, it is inevitable to stumble, but when I see this gourd melon, I think of the original heart when the two people are combined, hoping to grow old and share happiness and suffering.

Therefore, every step of the wedding is to mention a person's sense of responsibility for marriage, and it is to mention a person's righteous awareness and mindfulness. Therefore, the gift of marriage can make the husband have grace, morality, and affection, and make the wife virtuous.

But unfortunately, such good etiquette has not been maintained to the present, but has been criticized and abandoned by people as feudal. Therefore, future generations did not understand and inherit the good intentions of the ancient sages. Not only did they not understand and inherit it, but they criticized it in vain.

In fact, now people are sitting under the big tree to cool off, this big tree has been five thousand years, the branches are luxuriant, and the descendants sit under the tree to cool off, but not only do not know how to thank the kindness of the ancestors, but also want to use an axe to cut down this big tree, which is a very blessed act. Therefore, there are many problems in society now, which are not accidental, but are caused by people who do not know how to thank the kindness of their ancestors.

"There is a difference between men and women, and then there is righteousness between husband and wife". Because the male and female protagonists are inside, the men bear the family's economic income, to support the family, so that the family has no worries; while the woman takes care of the in-laws at home, educates the children, manages all the affairs of the family, so that the husband has no worries, so that they can be grateful to each other, and only then can they have affection for each other.

In today's society, men go out to make money, women also go out to make money, there is no difference in responsibility, so the love between husband and wife is much worse. Because women will think: you can make money, I can make money, you are nothing remarkable. Therefore, "there is a difference between men and women, and then the couple has righteousness."

"Husband and wife have righteousness, and then father and son have relatives." Between men and women, men have grace, morality, affection, and responsibility, and women have a husband and children at home, and they have virtue, and children grow up in such a family environment, which is subtly affected, so there is affection between father and son.

"Father and son have relatives, and then kings and subjects have righteousness", this is filial piety and loyalty. There is affection between father and son, and the son can have filial piety to his parents, and when he goes to work, he will also have respect for the leader. The relationship between the leader and the led can also be handled well.

"Therefore: the wedding person, the rite of honor is also". Therefore, the wedding ceremony is the foundation of the ceremony, all the ceremonies are performed from the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony is done well, and all ethical relations can be handled naturally.