Author/Pond Fish
Listening to a friend talk about his father, I feel that there are nine images of my father, which can basically be said to be a copy-paste version.
When she was young, she did not realize her father's dereliction of duty in a family, she only felt that her mother's words were much better, nagging all day, saying this and that, from morning to night, so annoying. She often has one ear in and one ear out, rarely listens to her mother's nagging, and the old things she says, she doesn't understand why her mother always takes the past things out and emphasizes them over and over again, and then the more a person says the more angry, isn't this begging for self-suffering?
When did she begin to understand her mother?
To be precise, after graduating from college.
When she began to work out and work alone outside, her mother's phone would call every day, asking her if she had eaten breakfast, what she ate at noon and in the evening, telling her not to always eat junk food, and so on, and a series of small things.
But those nagging words, inexplicably many times, made her feel warm and a kind of steadfastness of being loved.
It was also after she started renting a house that she realized her mother's hardships. She said: "I rent a simple one-bedroom and a living room, the house is not big, to be honest sometimes tired from work, go home and just want to lie down, eat is also to order takeaway or eat and then go home, sometimes lazy on the weekend, do not want to clean up, so the family can do a big cleaning a week, even if it is very good." I suddenly remembered to my mother, the house is much bigger, but it is always clean, everywhere is neat and tidy, the ground is spotless, I always come home with a good meal, the refrigerator has fresh ingredients, there will be fruit on the table, these are arranged and prepared by my mother, and my mother also has to work to earn money. ”
She remembered some of her mother's usual nagging, most of them were talking about her father, many of them were originally small things, blaming her father for putting clothes haphazardly, throwing socks casually, not knowing how to take the dishes and chopsticks when the meal was good, saying that the father did not save money, etc., so many years of repetition are basically the same words, she put herself into the role of the mother, and instantly felt that if she were herself, it was estimated that she could not do such a good mother.
The mere fact that the same issue needs to be emphasized over and over again is enough to break her down.
Her parents' marriage has been that kind of noisy all her life. I can understand this state very well, because my parents are also like this, my mother bears more things, more words, mainly sometimes things are done alone, there will definitely be complaints in my heart, I want to say it, it is uncomfortable not to say it, but I say more, and gradually form a character that looks nagging.
At this time, she began to help her mother say a word or two when her parents quarreled, and wanted to evaluate her father's practices objectively from a fair point of view.
Her father, also always said that her mother talked a lot, all day long to talk endlessly, before she also agreed, thinking that her mother's temper is not good, it is completely that she is not looking for pain, obviously a lot of things, want to open a little, talk less is good.
But now, she feels that the origin of this emotion of her mother is actually rooted in her father's dereliction of duty in the division of labor in the whole family, the mother needs to bear too many things, the pressure in her heart is too great, the grievances are even more, and the father has not played an emotional comforting role, so the mother will turn all these things into nagging and showing.
My own mother, including myself, has said something similar, saying, "I can't do everything alone, so don't let me say it." ”
When she really grew up and began to have a sense of responsibility and pressure about home, she tried to look at the problem from the perspective of her mother, assuming that if she found a husband like her father in the future, just imagining the same details, she felt that she could not accept it at all.
She began to feel sorry for her mother.
Therefore, many times in life, whenever the father and mother are arguing about some issues, she begins to help her mother say something and objectively point out that her father's attitude is wrong.
For example, she said, her father has always thought that the family conditions in these years are general, because her mother is too frugal, her father said that people who can spend money will earn money, like her mother, who has been searching and searching for money all her life, she will never make a lot of money, and said that if she is not managed, let him go out and run, maybe he has already made some achievements now.
Similar topics, the father talked about countless times, and she finally shook her father, saying: "Dad, don't be blind, if it is not Mom, the family is now estimated to sleep on the street, where do you go to make a lot of money?" ”
In her opinion, the family can buy a house and a car, and can have savings, all because the mother will live a life.
Her mother was a particularly frugal person, even the water for washing clothes had to be bottled to flush the toilet, did not want to waste water, whether it was money or saving money, had her own plan.
Relatively speaking, her father is the kind of person who believes that if you have a hundred dollars, you have to spend a hundred dollars, because her father thinks that they only have two daughters, no sons, which means that there is no pressure, so there is no need to save money, and it should be spent as much as you earn.
But her mother always hoped to have some savings in her hands, and that she had money to withstand the risks of life, such as spending money if she was sick, and she wanted to be able to get more dowries for her children.
Her father never cared so much, if there was really a place in the family that needed to spend a lot of money and there was not enough money, it was usually her mother who tried to find a way to borrow from her brothers and sisters, her father would show anxiety, but he would not have an opinion, nor would he propose how to do it, but remain silent and not speak, wait until the matter was resolved, and then say that others help was completely on his face.
In the past, her parents had no less quarrels because of these quarrels, and in so many years of marriage, the accompanying problems had always evolved over and over again.
Marriage is a cage and shackle for many people's lives, good and bad, she is tired just to hear her mother say that if she is ten years younger, she must divorce herself. She knew that her mother would not divorce, they had come all these years, divorce was not a mother's value, this kind of words was just an outlet for her mother to vent her emotions, but at the same time, her mother should always say it, which seemed to have become a habit.
The road of marriage has always been like people drinking cold and warm self-knowledge, no matter what others think, how to say, in the end the person who experiences it can only be themselves, and what choices individuals make, they will also bear the corresponding results.
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