Some time ago, the child was under pressure to learn, always unhappy, sometimes asked her a few words, she may be very impatient to answer, and then continue to ask, and then began to cry. When she was in a slightly calmer mood, I talked to her slowly. The child said: "Mom, sometimes when I am particularly tired, I always think of the fact that Teacher Zhang in kindergarten reprimanded me severely. At that time, I wanted to go to the toilet, but Teacher Zhang did not let me go, and severely reprimanded me, saying that why didn't I go in the classroom? So I just had to endure, and I didn't hold back and pee my pants. But when I got home, you thought I was wetting my pants, and you didn't distinguish between them, so you reprimanded me again. "I especially blamed myself after listening to it, I later figured out the situation, apologized to the child, and communicated with the teacher concerned, and the teacher also regretted that he should not have treated the child like that." But this matter seems to take root in the child's heart, and every time she is sad and tired, this matter will always burst out of her mind involuntarily.
From this experience of the child, it can be seen that if a person encounters something particularly sad and fearful in childhood, and the impact of this matter is not shared in time, it will cause great trouble to his future growth, and the sense of security and value will be deprived. And the words and deeds of parents in the family to their children do not affect the growth of children.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > what are the usual harms that parents do to their children in primitive families? </h1>
The vast majority of parents will love their children deeply, and there seems to be no doubt about this. But no one is born to be a parent, no one will be born to be a child, to be a parent, to be a child, is the first and only attempt on the long road of life.
In some families, the patriarchal mentality is particularly serious, boys are offered like ancestors, and girls are disliked, laughed at, too much housework, not allowed to read, and even in places where there were some ignorance and non-enlightenment in the past, girls were used to change the marriage of their brothers and brothers. In the popular TV series "All Is Good" in 2019, Su Mingyu is such a girl who is mentally abused by her mother who is extremely patriarchal, even if she becomes an adult, her career is successful, and she is fierce at work, but she still lacks a sense of security in life, and sometimes she often curls up in the bathtub to fall asleep.
There are also parents who educate their children with the shadow of their own behavior. For example, very roughly interfering with the child's words and deeds, acting arbitrarily, denying the child's ability, always like to compare the child's shortcomings with other children's advantages. Over time, children will be afraid of their heads and tails, thinking that they are really not good enough, and their sense of value and presence is seriously insufficient.
Perhaps most of these injuries are not intentionally done by parents, and may have something to do with the environment in which they live and the cultural education they receive, but it is undeniable that these behaviors have played a bad role in hindering the growth of children and have left a deep mark on the hearts of young children.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to alleviate and cure the harm of parents to children in primitive families after adulthood? </h1>
Reconciliation with the family of origin is the beginning of self-acceptance.
There are no perfect parents in the world, and no matter how cautious your parents are, they will inevitably bring you more or less harm. So, whether we perceive it or not, everyone will leave the imprint of the original family on their bodies.
So we might as well learn to reconcile with the family, the family is a system, and the change of one person in the system may bring about the rebirth of the whole system. Instead of fighting against our own pain, we may as well try to accept our past, forgive our parents, and finally let the heart free from the pain, reconnect with the parents, and find the pure love in life.
Stop complaining and give positive meaning to everything.
Juanzi and Xiaobo are twin sisters in the same family, and when they were young, the family's financial situation was not good, and their mother often complained. Sometimes they complain that they don't have enough money, sometimes they complain that friends and family look down on them. Also growing up in such a family, Xiaobo grew up, like his own mother, often complained that the school was too far from home, complained that his teachers were too strict, and stopped going to school after graduating from junior high school. But Juanzi complained because she had watched her mother because she was poor since she was a child, and she secretly told herself that she must study hard and change her current life with her own ability in the future. Later, she studied hard, was admitted to a good university, and found a job with a high annual salary after graduation, not only got rid of the original poor life, but also found a partner who faced life with the same positive attitude as herself.
When we no longer attribute failure and success to luck, put setbacks and difficulties on the account of others, and can see the bright spots in everything, our goals will become clearer and clearer, and our attitude will become more and more positive. In this way, we will be freed from the influence of our original family and regain a new life.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > my life</h1>
In 2019, an animated movie "The Devil Boy Of Ne Ga" won a very high box office, and the classic phrase "My life is up to me" once rushed to the hot search and became a hot topic of discussion.
In the movie "Nek", everyone is labeled secular, they are victims of prejudice. Considered a youkai since he was a child, he began to create chaos in the hope of attracting the attention of others, but in the end no one recognized him. But Ne Ya did not recognize his fate, he fought against fate, and truly achieved "my fate is up to me".
In fact, careful consideration, this sentence is indeed very reasonable, everyone in life must have such a belief, "my life I am the master", in order to open a new chapter in life.
If a person identifies with himself enough and can see his worth, he knows how to protect himself when he is attacked, and how to appease himself when he is lost.
We also have to learn to face the evaluation of others calmly, the evaluation of others is after all the opinion of others, anyone can express their own views on anything, as long as they adhere to the right direction in their hearts, we can accept ourselves with confidence, you accept yourself, you will also be surprised to find that the evaluation of others will also change with your acceptance.
Learn to reconcile with the original family, believe in yourself, accept yourself, feel the beauty of life with your heart, and you will become your master completely. You will no longer be a slave to the past, nor a deserter of the future, you will only live in the present moment and find your own light.
These are the things that the book "Black Swan on the Tip of the Heart" tells us.
It is really a good book to heal the hidden heartbreak. This book comprehensively explores the problems encountered in life from the aspects of original family, intimate relationship, and self-growth. Look back on your childhood growth experience and face the emotional confusion of the moment. Teach you the most practical way to heal your heartbreak.
After I opened it for a while, I didn't dare to read it, because many of the languages and stories in it seemed to involve the hidden wounds that had once been in my heart. I still bravely read it, and I got a lot of gains, and I wanted to read it a few more times, because it could heal my unresolved pain.
Author Zhou Zhou, Satya Model Psychological Counselor, Children's Psychological Counselor. The article has been reprinted many times by many public accounts such as "Ten Point Reading" and "Wu Zhihong".