Little Buddha said
We will inevitably encounter some unexpected changes, some people have just entered the age of 35 and have been "optimized" by the company, some people have been forced to flee the north and Guangzhou under the pressure of life although they are looking forward to big cities, and some people have to change their way of life because of family changes... These changes may make you feel ashamed, angry, frustrated, or helpless. Several scholars from Canada have conducted research on people in turmoil, hoping to find a way out of psychological difficulties quickly, and they have found that "self-identity" is the key to getting out of trouble.
Many people like to study how the outside world changes, but we spent a decade studying the impact of changes in personal identity. We've conducted hundreds of interviews with people in turmoil who may have been white-collar workers but are now forced to work full-time for lower-status jobs and who are trying to get rid of stigmatized identities, such as those who have a case but are actively reintegrating into society.
In fact, no matter what form these life changes take, many respondents believe that the hardest part of getting out of the predicament is how to get rid of their past selves and accept a new identity. We call this state "identity paralysis," a symptom of anger, frustration, and hopelessness, caused by the loss of self-identification with the new identity.
To get out of the way, people need to learn to accept these changes and actively accept their new roles. We've also come up with five strategies from our research that can help you get out of identity paralysis quickly:
Say goodbye to the past
In the face of the transformation of identity, many people have difficulty crossing the barrier in their hearts. In interviews, many of the interviewees described the process of parting ways with the past, and often had a key event, such as their birthday or the birth of a child. One interviewee said that after being hospitalized for two days, he decided to use the moment of waking up as the starting point for rebirth.
Similar landmark events help people change their past habits and welcome a new life. So, when you're trying to embrace a new identity, try to find such moments of parting.
Build a story that connects the past with the present
Of course, parting ways with the past does not make the past disappear, and the new identity must be associated with the previous identity in order to be fixed. Connecting the present with the past with persuasive, authentic, and easy-to-share stories will make it easier for you to embrace your new self.
For example, we interviewed an immigrant who was forced to give up his career as a civil engineer and become a taxi driver in a new country. He would describe the story of sacrificing his glamorous identity for the sake of his child's future. And some people who try to get rid of stigmatization often tell stories of a dark past that pushed themselves to the light.
We found that people who could tell widely acceptable stories were better able to embrace change and express more positive emotions about the status quo than those who didn't construct them.
Get rid of negative emotions
Even if you rationally decide to move forward, you will emotionally linger on the past. Our identity is shaped by our own feelings about identity, so to complete the transformation, we must acknowledge our various emotions and take the initiative to respond. One interviewee said: "Only by accepting yourself and what you have done and forgiving yourself can you break the cycle." If you don't forgive yourself, you can't move forward. Many people don't know, so they have been living in guilt and shame. ”
In our interviews, we found that people who realized that they were being pulled by past emotions and took the initiative to deal with this feeling were the most successful to accept their new identities. There are many strategies that can help convert negative emotions, but we have found that the most effective are the intentional activation of the opposite of positive emotions. For example, one employee who was forced to change careers due to injury said her way out of shame was to focus on the pride that comes with past achievements. Be careful not to drive away the negative emotions, but to acknowledge them from the heart and then turn your attention to other feelings so that you can come out.
Focus on meaningful identities outside of work
It's easy to feel that work represents who we are, especially when we've just lost a good job or are more connected to others at the work level. However, people will have multiple co-existing identities at the same time. If your current job identity makes you uncomfortable, you can focus on identities in other areas, and this strategy can be effective in helping you through a difficult transition period.
For example, one female respondent said it was important that she could be a mother and accompany her children. Some of the immigrants we interviewed also said that defining themselves as breadwinners of their families had given them new meaning rather than focusing on dissatisfaction with their current jobs or resentment about having to give up their old careers.
Still others focus more on their roles in the community, such as volunteers or activists. Remembering your various identities can help you focus on the positives, realize that you're more defined by work (or past work), and move on.
Imagine the future in moderation
Imagination has great power. We've found in our research that some people who adapt quickly to their new identities imagine that their current situation is just a stepping stone to the future (if not actually). Surprisingly, even if the imaginary future is purely imaginary, just an abstract future in daydreams, often lacking a basis in reality, this strategy still seems to work.
For example, one interviewee who was forced to switch from a network engineer to a taxi driver said, "I plan to find a computer-related job in the future." Not now, maybe ten or twenty years from now, when I'm going to do the job I love. He drove a taxi for his third year and had no specific plans to transition to the tech industry, but the vague possibilities of a better future made the status quo even more enjoyable.
Similarly, many people like to go shopping only to see and not buy, or to look at photos of tourist attractions online and imagine experiences they can't have. It sounds a bit unreliable, but our research shows that, in moderation, this approach can be effective in coping with difficult situations and getting out of psychic dilemmas.
Keywords: self-management
Madeline Toubiana Trish Ruebottom Luciana Turchick Hakak |
Shuojian | translated by Liu Yue| editor
Today's topic
Face age anxiety and workplace bottlenecks
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