Author:Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)
In the face of emotional betrayal, caught in the dilemma, no confidence in living, divorce and lack of courage, this is the dilemma of many people in reality.
And the betrayal of this matter has always hurt and tortured themselves, and everyone subconsciously hopes to find a solution as soon as possible to get themselves out of the sea of suffering - in fact, the more anxious, the more chaotic, the more undecided.
First of all, after encountering the betrayal of feelings, there will actually be such a difficult and torturous time, which is inescapable, and there is no way to make yourself get better immediately.
This truth, like when you suddenly suffer a serious physical injury, whether it is wound healing or the relief of the pain caused by the trauma, it is an ongoing process that takes time. Then, whether it is the healing of the psychological trauma caused by betrayal, or the specific handling and choice of betrayal, in fact, it also takes time, so you must realize that such a dilemma is actually a normal existence.
Secondly, betrayal of such a thing is unexpected for you, completely unprepared, and of course it is difficult to choose and decide.
For individuals, things that have not been experienced will of course make people get into trouble, and it is impossible to have a clear and clear direction soon, so making a choice is actually something to think about, which is a process that must be experienced.
In fact, the first time can be clear direction, make a decision of the people, almost none, many people are in such a long period of repetition and entanglement, coupled with the development of some subsequent things, gradually sort out their own thinking, and finally have a choice, out of the predicament.
Then, when you encounter emotional betrayal, if you are in a dilemma, the best choice is actually to maintain the status quo.
A simple truth is that the status quo already exists, no matter how painful you are, the status quo is visible and felt at the moment, in other words, you can afford it, because you are already suffering - and the future of making choices is unpredictable, if you are not sure, or have no confidence, there is no need to force yourself into such a situation.
The above means that in the case of not being sure whether your choice is good or bad, maintaining the status quo is the best choice. Because maintaining the status quo means that once you have a clear idea, you can make choices and decisions at any time; but if you act hastily, if the result is not what you expected, you may regret it and cannot be remedied.
For example, if you are not sure whether to divorce or not, do not leave, because if you do not divorce, divorce can be fulfilled at any time; and if you regret it after divorce, then everything can not be turned back.
However, for "maintaining the status quo," hopefully you can really understand what it means.
Maintaining the status quo is neither to curry favor with the other party for the sake of stabilizing the relationship, nor to worsen the relationship because of betrayal.
The value orientation of maintaining the status quo is to remain humble in the relationship. Many people have experienced the betrayal of feelings, because they are afraid of losing this marriage and feelings, eager to save, so they take the way of humble themselves and please each other, trying to stabilize the relationship and get everything back on track. In fact, such an approach is the most undesirable, humble and flattering, will only make themselves more self-lost, will only make the other party more unscrupulous.
Many people because they can not bear the pain of emotional betrayal, hope that things can pass as soon as possible, quickly made the decision to forgive each other, they think that once they choose to forgive each other, even if this matter has passed, their situation will improve, will not fall into pain and torture... But in fact, forgiveness is not so simple, not a sentence of "I forgive you", and everything will pass immediately. Moreover, such a kind of "forgiveness" that has not experienced thinking is not forgiveness in the true sense at all, and the attitude of the other party is not clear, how to forgive; if the other party is still betraying, how to forgive, it is just a compromise, and even a begging feeling covered by forgiveness.
At the other extreme, because they cannot accept the betrayal of the other party, they choose to divorce every minute.
In fact, divorce is also extremely difficult, otherwise there will not be so many people into a marriage that cannot be good and cannot be separated, although marriage is derived from feelings, but even if there is no feeling at all, divorce is not to say that divorce is separated, there are many factors in marriage, not only feelings, those feelings have not been divorced, are so, not divorced because marriage is still meeting the needs of other aspects in addition to feelings, such as our most common "for children".
"Deteriorating relations" is also a problem that needs attention. Some people think that the other party has betrayed themselves, how they treat each other is not excessive, the other party should be beaten at will, so they will use some inappropriate words and deeds to rush to the other party, mainly a kind of emotional catharsis, and has nothing to do with solving the problem. But, at this time, you have to realize that some of these words and deeds are essentially further worsening the relationship - you say, shouldn't it be, shouldn't I just hold myself back; of course, of course, I don't have to hold myself back. But the problem is that you can't make a choice at the moment, so avoiding further deterioration of the relationship is the mature and rational approach.
If this stage faces the other party in an extreme way, even if their words and deeds are reasonable, the final result may be to accelerate the disintegration of the relationship, then, is this result what you want? In reality, many betrayers have a good attitude at first, but later they are determined to divorce, that is, they can't stand that the other party has been "repairing" themselves with their betrayal of feelings.
Another important meaning of maintaining the status quo is not to wait passively and do nothing to wait for the fate arrangement, which is actually a kind of powerlessness.
Maintaining the status quo is only to stabilize the present moment, not to let the situation get out of control, and under this premise, I have a lot of homework to do, and the sooner I do this homework, the better.
For example, speed up the speed of their independence, enhance their self-confidence, learn to love themselves, learn emotional management, etc., but also include improving their own ability and accelerating their growth.
In fact, when we are trapped by a certain problem, from another point of view, it is because our current ability and conditions do not have the possibility of solving these problems, so improving ourselves is the most important lesson to be completed. In the process of constantly improving yourself, your thinking, the direction you solve problems, the standards and principles on which your choices are based, etc., will actually change subtly. When the accumulation reaches a certain level, and then look back, these problems are probably not so difficult.
At the same time, this stage should also be prepared with both hands, because after experiencing a betrayed marriage, objectively speaking, there are possibilities of various endings, then you must also be mentally prepared to face various endings, if you continue to live, you must learn to let go of the past; if you divorce, you must also learn to deal with and deal with the various difficulties and obstacles that divorce will face.
In short, maintaining the status quo is not about sitting idly by, but about redoubling our efforts and accelerating growth.