Hi, I'm Sansan. Today to talk about a problem that everyone will encounter in love, solve this problem, you will be at ease in love.
First of all, ask you a question, do you think that your original family or those bad things that have happened to you will change you or affect your attitude towards things? Note that don't rush to deny it first. Because everyone is more or less, it is so.
Causes of anger and anger
In love or marriage, many people attribute their anger, loss, anger, and sadness to the other person. Thinking that it is the behavior of the other party will make things become like this. Everyone can also understand that all the mistakes encountered in the process of communication are added to the other party. But, is that really the case?
Actually, no, the object is not the source of your anger and loss. It is the ignition point of your anger and loss, which can also be regarded as a back pot man. The real root cause is the harm caused by the original family or the bad things that have happened before, only because it is caused by the object, so you naturally put all the mistakes on the object and think that he is the source of your own suffering.
Those pains have always existed in you, but they have been ignored by your dare not to face and selectively ignored. When an object feels the same pain point, you explode. So, is it the object that makes you angry and lost? No, they just let the problems that have already arisen, surface.
The real us
Most people have experienced such things, because they quarrel with the object, make conflicts, and are very unhappy. When your friend asks you why you quarrel, you find your head blank and can't remember why you had a fight. Even if you remember, you will find that the points you quarrel with are really not worth arguing.
But what about you? Or will they spit out each other's shortcomings to their friends and say it to their own advantage. In psychology, this can be called a psychological defense mechanism. Liking to blame problems on others, which reduces doubts about oneself, is a subconscious act of self-preservation.
At the same time, everyone also has a "habit" of often forgetting the good of others and remembering the bad of others. Like in love, you always remember a certain time he ignored you for something. But forget that many times, he puts you first.
What are the consequences of attributing anger and frustration to the object over time?
Discussing the reasons for your anger and anger is to make us know ourselves better, and to remind everyone not to use vicious words to face the person who truly loves you.
Because when you attribute anger and loss to the object for a long time, you will not be aware of your own shortcomings and become more and more critical of each other. It will also make you worse and worse, more and more to become your own hated self. Because you will only complain about the world. At the same time, the other party will also be hurt, or even leave you.
To give you a very simple example, to help you sort it out.
The deep impact of the family of origin and past experiences
On this day, you are unwell and want the object to help you get a glass of water. You said it again, and he was as steady as Tarzan, motionless. Then you get angry: I'm already very uncomfortable, why don't you understand me! Let you take a glass of water without taking it! Then he explained with a confused face: Baby, when did you let me take the water? At this time, girls tend to be more angry and feel that the other party is cunning.
But think about it, just because the object didn't take the water and get angry? No, it's what you feel ignored. Why not take the water and feel neglected? Because of insecurity. Why is that? Because when you were a child, you were often ignored by your parents, and they often ignored your demands. So when something like this happens again, you're angry.
You see, what really makes you sad is not a glass of water, but this incident reminds your subconscious of the hurt of childhood, so you use the way of tantrums to protect yourself.
If you can be aware of this problem, you can get along well with the object, reduce contradictions, and heal your childhood self. If you don't realize it, your relationship may get worse and worse. Therefore, I hope that everyone will recognize the pain of the past, learn to let go, and then get rid of it.
Everyone's past is incomplete, but we can make ourselves the best version of ourselves by constantly knowing ourselves.
[I have been hurt, I have cried and let go, I have also given up on myself, and I have complained about life.] But then I figured out that all people and things have certain commonalities, and they can also be solved by psychology.
Learn one thing from psychology, see through the words and deeds of others from psychology, and learn to get along with your loved ones from psychology. What you want to know, the confusion you have, you can find the answer here, welcome to pay attention to "Lime Girl's Whimsy". 】
(The picture comes from the Internet, if there is infringement, contact must be deleted)