A dancer came to the park. Under the sun hat is a tough face of 57 years old, he is 1 meter 72 tall, wearing a black dress with lace at the cuffs. In order to highlight the figure when dancing, a chest pad was specially worn. He pushed his bike past, and everywhere he went, he was the focus of the crowd.
Although people's eyes are hardly friendly, he is satisfied, "the people here are very good, whether they like it or not, they will not rush me."
He has lived all his life in Taiyuan, and for most people here, it is still a deviant thing for men to dance ballet. He was chased by the security guards in the square, the hotel and the supermarket, and he listened to a lot of ugly words, politely saying that he had affected the work, please leave as soon as possible. He won't argue, he won't let him jump, he'll go, just a little sad.
Many times, he had to come out at night or in the early hours of the morning to find territory. There was no one on the street, but it left him enough freedom.
In Fudong Park, he can only be regarded as half a regular, and most of the time he does not enter the inside, but jumps on the side of the road outside, the ground is sloped, and the music is mixed with the sound of cars whistling away from time to time. On this afternoon when southern weekend reporters visited, the sun was just right, and he found a shade in the park, laid a red carpet, and changed clothes without anyone around.
He removed the small speakers from the back seat of the bike, along with those props. The ballet dress cost thousands of dollars, he could not afford to buy, picked up some gauze, propped up with steel wire, sewed and mended, and then wrapped two elastic bands, he could hang the black gauze skirt on his body. Dancing shoes are not expensive, but they are not so large, and he has lengthened his heels and put on toe covers to ensure that there is a cushion when standing on the tiptoe.
There are also some things that are not in regular ballet, and he has figured it out by himself - the blue scarf danced on his hand, the headdress made of beer cans cut open, and the large can base hanging from the ear, which has a bit of the flavor of Xinjiang dance.
The performance of the day is "Inseparable from You", which sings - "We two, too unfair, love and hate are all controlled by you; but today I can't leave you, whether you love me or not." ”
He Jianhua danced this dance hundreds of times, and it is difficult to know from his solemn expression who he was abandoned by and what he could not do without. Every dance gesture comes from the feeling of music: singing "open arms", gentle open arms; singing "abandonment", throwing the scarf high; at the climax, be sure to stand on tiptoes, legs are a little trembling, but also try to rotate a circle.
He Jianhua believes that as long as he expresses his thoughts with his body - "this is dance".
No one generously offered applause to make the scene less awkward. After He Jianhua watched the ballet "Swan Lake", he decided that most people could not appreciate ballet, "they only look at the outside, what shape to dance, what clothes to wear." Just as black swans replaced white swans, "truly beautiful things may not be discovered by people, but people appreciate counterfeits."
He uploaded videos of himself dancing ballet to Kuaishou one by one, and his account was called "Ballet Man". He carried a long wooden stick with him, leaned it against a tree or wall, tied his phone with a rope, and hung it from the stick, replacing the shooting stand in this complicated but inexpensive way.
Although the real world sneered at him, in the online world, he has many fans, the best works have more than 150,000 plays and more than 4,000 likes, most of which are encouraged and cared for by "come on grandpa" and "pay attention to keep warm". Someone left a message to send him a skirt, and he was worried about the inconvenience of mailing and refused. A netizen said that he was farming in the mountains, the signal was not good, I heard that he sent a new video, specifically turned over several mountains to the milk tea shop in the town to see.
He Jianhua was very touched, and for him, more importantly, in the few minutes after the music started, he entered the world of his mind, where he forgot about himself and his unsatisfactory life. "By dancing, I found that it didn't matter anymore."
At the end of the special spring special in Fudong Park, He Jianhua packed up, picked up his bicycle and prepared to leave, suddenly turned his head and waved to the expressionless audience, as if to end the curtain.
The 57-year-old He Jianhua has danced ballet for four years and suffered many incomprehensions, but he has gained attention and encouragement on the short video platform. To protect his toes, he would spread two red carpets he had brought with him at his feet as he danced. (Southern Weekend reporter Feng Fei/photo)
<h3>As long as the toes stand up, there will be less mockery</h3>
A few years before retirement, He Jianhua lost his job as a cleaner. When he went to work at 7:30 in the morning, he got up at four o'clock and went to his work place early to practice dancing. The leader said he influenced the image of the entire team.
Once, He Jianhua's sister He Yueping received a notice to go to her brother's unit. The property manager asked her, He Jianhua was dancing in the corridor, "Will he jump off the building?" He Yueping explained that his brother was just dancing and would not go out of line. The other party was not at ease and asked her to write a letter of guarantee to ensure that He Jianhua would not jump off the building.
He Yueping did not tell his brother about this. That day, He Jianhua went to the unit and found that many people looked at him and pointed, and asked his sister repeatedly to know what was happening. "As soon as people say that you have written it, it is actually not right, that is, compromise." He Jianhua was unwilling to compromise, and he hoped to explain clearly to the other party, "It is possible that he agreed to your dancing, and many people still like to watch dancing." ”
He Jianhua lived alone for many years, with only his sister, who was five years older than him, to help him slightly. Since he danced, someone always asked He Yueping, is your brother abnormal? "We think he's not called dancing, people are changing clothes on stage and dancing, you're dancing all over the street." He Yueping told Southern Weekend reporters, "You are an ordinary person. ”
Because he watched Michael Jackson's music tape, He Jianhua became fascinated with dancing and originally wanted to learn that, but the rhythm was too fast and tested the joints. He had tried square dancing, so many people interacting together, talking together, he didn't like it. Later, he saw the ballet from the disc, the male actor jumped in a large range, the actress's movement range was small, and his limbs were soft and better realized.
He Jianhua enjoys dressing as a man and a woman, and ballet has both femininity and strength, allowing him to practice a pair of legs that are more beautiful than women. He seriously explained to the Southern Weekend reporter, "The earliest ballet was danced by men, and there are written records. ”
Ballet originated in Italy and flourished in France, the earliest actors were all male, king of France Louis XIV personally performed, until a century after its birth, no actresses joined.
The clothes that female guests and colleagues do not want, He Jianhua looks beautiful, and takes them home. At first, it took some courage, and then he simply admitted that he preferred the fabric and style of women's clothing, comfortable and warm, "there is no legal rule (can not be worn)".
There are netizens on Kuaishou who left a message "Uncle has a girl's heart", he was very happy to see it.
Su Meifang, who worked with him, recalled to the Southern Weekend reporter that He Jianhua liked to wear makeup and high heels, but Su Meifang chatted with him and felt that he spoke quite culturedly, but "what he did was incomprehensible."
He Jianhua believes that if he jumps to a certain level, there will not be so many people making fun of him. He decided to break through the movement of the standing toes. This movement is dangerous, easy to break the foot, professional ballet dancers need to hold the railing to practice, He Jianhua can only find two trees, tie a rope in the middle, and hold the rope to stand on his feet.
The pain is certain, the toes and toenails are often deformed and cannot be rushed. "Why can I fix it?" Later, I realized the truth, not to say that I couldn't stand up, or I practiced less. ”
That's what makes ballet so appealing: it tests willpower and takes a long time to polish it.
After practicing for half a year, he was suddenly able to stand up on his tiptoes, and he insisted on it for longer and longer. He Jianhua saw this as a turning point in his ballet career, and since then he has felt less sarcastic. The eyes of those passers-by seemed to be saying, "We have danced in Taiyuan."
A young student who studied dance left a message for him, praising him for standing on his tiptoes faster than they had learned. An art test taker asked his mother to send him brewed soy milk, and he was very happy and wanted to send two skirts in return to the girl.
However, He Jianhua still could not find a unit that could accommodate him. Some are not allowed to dance, some have no opinion on dancing, but they are not allowed to wear women's clothes. A supervisor asked that if you want to wear what you want to wear outside, as long as you enter the factory door, you must change into work clothes. Sometimes the leader has no opinion, and the residents make videos to complain about him.
For a while he was cleaning at the National Fitness Center, and although it was far from home and it took an hour and a half to ride, the venue was particularly good, the trees were green, and the dancing was just right. The supervisor there didn't say he couldn't dance, he didn't let him wear hats and backpacks — He Jianhua liked to wear women's sun hats and delicate little leather bags.
Once the unit held a literary and art show, He Jianhua signed up to participate, and specially bought a new U disk and repertoire. He wore a white gauze skirt to the scene, and suddenly did not let him go on stage, saying that there were too many programs and could not be arranged.
He had seen interviews with dancer Venus, who had reported her peers to the police out of jealousy while studying in the United States, leading to her being detained for investigation and missing a dance festival. He Jianhua admired Venus for being able to overcome all obstacles.
"Your state of mind is more spacious, just forgive them, and if you don't forgive them, you can't get over this hurdle." He Jianhua was clear, "This dance is actually not popular, you are dancing here, as if you are not crazy or stupid." If you like it, you can jump, only you can understand it, others can't understand it at all. ”
But in the online world, He Jianhua has gained far more than realistic recognition and tolerance. Fans always encouraged him, "Don't care about the outside world's strange eyes." As long as someone sneers and persuades him to go home and jump or change his clothes, there will immediately be netizens to fight back for him: "As long as he likes it." ”
He Jianhua lived alone for many years, living in poverty, and his cramped home was full of miscellaneous items he had picked up, but music-related items were all purchased at his expense. (Southern Weekend reporter Feng Fei/photo)
<h3>"People think it's important to work and earn money, I think dancing is important</h3>."
He Jianhua was regarded as a freak when he was young, and the workers in the material factory called him "a strange", which he attributed to "the way of thinking and the way of looking at problems are different from them.".
In his early twenties, he studied violin. At that time, he was working odd jobs in the service company, making iron, moving bricks, and cement, earning thirty yuan a month, and buying a violin with a month's salary. The teacher of the training class is a violinist who returned from studying in the Soviet Union, and he is well-known in the local area, with a tuition fee of five yuan a month and two lessons per week.
A classmate met He Jianhua on the road carrying a violin and laughed, "Do you still mean to recite this?" We're not learning this material at all." Many years later, he was dancing ballet, and he met this old classmate, who said, "Brother, is it normal?" ”
He Jianhua repeatedly practiced the fixed position of the violin and found that "pulling an instrument is never easier than working", the arm cannot be bent, the fingers should be relaxed and elastic, only by relaxing the strings, the sound is real.
The teacher praised him for his rapid progress and being able to rank in the top three in the class. He looked a little different from his classmates, his chinto was not bought, and his mother wrapped herself in gauze with cotton. The teacher felt strange and laughed and said, "This can wipe the car after class."
Once the teacher asked, what do you do? He Jianhua said, moving bricks. The teacher was surprised and said, "You can't practice the violin by doing this kind of work"—manual work makes the fingers stiff, and the violin needs flexible fingers.
His father opposed him to learning the violin, and this thing could not be eaten as a meal, so why bother. "Father's meaning is that the years are not spared, you can't become, it is a white study." He Jianhua explained to his father with the allusion of Meng Mu's broken machine, "The starting point is that we should not waste time and energy. ”
Once in class, the teacher said in public, "Today, the father of a student came to ask me, 'What is the use of learning this violin?' 'Laugh me to death.' Who do I see? He looked around and pointed at He Jianhua, "It's your father who can't make a fuss." ”
He Jianhua later learned that his father secretly went to the teacher, and he remembered that the teacher said, "The violin is very loved in foreign countries, we can't do it in China, but it is definitely good for you to learn this, it is a culture itself, it is an art, and ordinary people really can't learn it." ”
"Learn, learn to play anyway." He Jianhua did not take the blow seriously, continued to study for half a year, and later he heard that the teacher's family hung 12 violins of different sizes, and after 12 violins to become talented, but it cost too much money, He Jianhua could only collect a lot of sheet music and practice at home. He signed up for the Taiyuan Dance Troupe's musician recruitment, and after going there, he found that "there are still many talents, and his level is not good."
Once, when the service company held a performance, He Jianhua was called to participate, and he played Masne's "Meditations". The co-workers who were working together told him, and they almost shed tears when they heard it. He Jianhua was very happy, "Music is through the soul, although he has not heard it before, you hear happy music, you will also be happy; you hear sad, you will also be sad." ”
Whether it was the violin or the ballet now, people always say that this thing is useless to him. But He Jianhua has always been convinced of the meaning of art. "People think it's important to work and earn money, I think dancing is important." He argues that "the two of them are not contradictory, because in reality [someone] does not understand, they contradict each other." ”
After quitting his job as a cleaner, He Jianhua heard that short videos could make money, so he tried to register an account. Later, I found that I couldn't make money, but I could "show the growth of learning to dance." In each less than a minute video, he carefully planned the action and soundtrack, and at first he didn't know how to fill the time, but slowly adapted, and he felt that after a short jump, the time was up.
He Jianhua told his sister that he was playing a short video, and the other party did not care. Kuaishou sent some bonuses to the author according to the traffic, and he earned more than one hundred and thirty yuan last month. He felt that most of his fans were not in the province, and he could not let him go to the training class. He refused to implant advertising, "the real value of dance is to take the stage, teach or participate in competitions, and advertising is overkill."
Why did the younger brother have to dance that strange dance, He Yueping really did not understand, she repeatedly advised him not to dance again, "I am not angry, I pity you, jumping and jumping here, you are not alive?" You have to find a way to live. "Later, I found it useless, so I had to go with him."
Because his family did not understand, He Jianhua had thought many times not to dance, but the only trace of faith told him that the bitterness in his heart was not understood by outsiders, but there was everything in dance and music, which was the deepest connection between an ordinary person and art.
<h3>"It seems that I have made friends with them</h3>."
In the Dongshan Coal Mine dormitory, ask people if they know He Jianhua, the neighbors will be confused, but if they know the man who dances ballet, they will immediately point to the bungalow at the top of the hillside.
It was the house left by He Jianhua's parents, and his father drove a coal winch at the Dongshan Coal Mine before his death and divided this room. Now the old coal mining company with a history of more than 90 years is facing transformation, the dormitory area has been demolished and relocated, and his neighbors are gone.
The first half of He Jianhua's life was not satisfactory. After graduating from technical school, he worked in a material factory and ceramic factory, encountered a wave of layoffs; divorced in 1999, his two-year-old daughter was awarded to his ex-wife, and for many years he tried his best to inquire about his daughter's recent situation, but he could not get what he wanted. Later, He Jianhua and his brother opened a bookstore for several years, but due to the soaring rent, they closed down and finally did cleaning.
After the divorce, He Jianhua returned to his parents' house in the Dongshan Coal Mine dormitory, where he has lived alone since the death of his parents. The home, which was less than ten square meters, was full of debris, and there was only a very narrow aisle after entering the door, leading to the short bed in the center of the house.
He Jianhua's home is like a treasure trove of mountains, with waist drums, guitars, electronic keyboards and violins lurking in the peaks, and he will do a little bit of everything. There is a small TV, which has not been turned on for more than ten years, "it is not interesting, the plot is not real, it is all made up."
Although many of the food and clothing were picked up, the musical instruments and books were bought for money. He collected many books from old book stalls about physical training, dance, chess and Buddhist scriptures.
He has nearly ten USB sticks, and the music in them is paid for download, because there is no computer to organize, and each type of track is specially placed in a USB stick. The most expensive piece cost eight bucks.
At the lowest point in his life, He Jianhua asked himself why he was alive, and unexpectedly found that only music could comfort him. He was initially exposed to classical music from the radio, and those symphonies made him vibrate, "beautiful, with a sense of the times", as if entering another country and era.
When he hears nice songs on the street, he buys them home and plays them with small speakers and CD players. Many of the titles of the tracks are in English, and he does not count them, but only remembers the general style of each composer.
He clung to the names of Schubert, Schumann, and Debussy, and his favorite was Beethoven, whose Symphonies of Destiny and Pastoral Symphonies had a "real soul" and "he was not writing music with his hands, but composing music with his life." He Jianhua believes that only when a person has experienced major setbacks can he find resonance in Beethoven's music.
He enjoys learning about the lives of musicians on the radio and in books, especially their bumpy and criticized experiences. Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake premiered unpopularly, was once depressed, and was accepted long after. Many musicians are never recognized before they die, and only after their deaths do they become famous. "It's normal for people to find someone different, so they exclude him." He Jianhua interpreted it this way.
He Jianhua's understanding of music always coincides with his own experience. Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson's dances are great because they are "impactful because they can break with conventional ideas." Wang Feng's rock and roll expresses that "when you are desperate, you can still fight and rush."
Music makes silent houses sound, especially at night. He Jianhua said, "Listening to music and watching dance, I slowly found that it was not only us who were lonely and lonely. ”
He Jianhua is not unoccupied, but he feels that "there are no friends in the depths of the soul of the mind", and when he dances, he suddenly feels that he is talking to the composers, "as if he has made friends with them".
Dancing ballet provided a certain rationality for his poor and lonely life. He eats simply, boils vegetables in water, has almost no meat, just enough to keep in shape, and eating too much will hinder dancing. Without a partner, you can avoid sex and better save energy for dancing ballet.
He's been practicing ballet for four years. He thinks that if he wants to grow, he must jump every day, and he has not practiced enough, jumping eight or nine days in ten days, leaving one day to rest. There is no space at home, you can only go outside to jump, jump under the bridge when it rains, and when it is windy, you will jump when the wind is calm.
Netizens are always worried that he is prone to colds and feet, in fact, he feels that doing what he likes does not feel tired at all. If you can't dance, you "feel that life has no meaning."
<h3>"The swan is beautiful, but it's old"</h3>
Not long ago, an old house not far from He Jianhua's house caught fire, the community strictly investigated the fire hazard, the police at the police station came several times, asking him to empty things within three days.
Really packed up, a lot of things he was reluctant to lose. He Yueping couldn't look at it, and every time he came to his house, he had to throw away his things. Many of them are dancing materials, which are useless in He Yueping's view. Sometimes two pieces were thrown out and picked up by him.
He Jianhua did not think of finding someone to live with, many years ago, others introduced a girl, but in the end it did not work.
One of the advantages of dancing is that he can socialize, at first others encourage him, there are many people who dance, and it is good to find a companion. I did know some women when I danced square dancing, and there was a yoga instructor who danced with him, who was quite tall, and said to He Jianhua that he admired him. However, he found that "dancing and starting a family are two different things, starting a family is not so simple, there must be conditions for starting a family", and then slowly became estranged.
He Jianhua analyzed his advantages and disadvantages in the marriage market: he had good physical fitness, but his material conditions were not good, and his thinking was a little different from others.
In He Jianhua's heart, great love is "spiritual love, although not very satisfied, but they understand, live a not very good life together." In reality, he no longer expects love, "love is sometimes quite narrow, and it can't be done without money."
After dancing ballet, he was isolated from the opposite sex, and someone said to him, "No one will dance this dance you dance, you can only be alone, and the more you dance, the more lonely you are." ”
It is gratifying that Zhiyin has met several times. There were not many people in He Jianhua's mobile phone address book, a few were complete strangers, and they accidentally saw him dancing in the square and expressed their appreciation to him.
Wang Lizhi, an obstetrician and gynecologist in Chengdu, was on a business trip in Taiyuan a few years ago, passing through the square and saw a group of square dancing aunts driving He Jianhua away. Wang Lizhi said that this is a public turf and is not qualified to drive people away, "Some old mothers have more traditional thinking, each has its own good, and others have not hindered you."
For this episode of many years ago, He Jianhua forgot the specific situation, and Wang Lizhi forgot that she had to give He Jianhua a hundred yuan. Wang Lizhi told Southern Weekend reporters that he did not understand dance and music, but only thought that "a person can focus, do not care about the eyes of others, can enter their own world, and it is very rare to have this pursuit."
Although he has long learned to ignore the views of the outside world, He Jianhua still hopes to understand in his heart. "I don't want help, but it's nice to understand me."
Later, He Yueping felt that he understood his brother, and his dancing stemmed from the fact that life was too bitter, "every point has rushed to him, so what to do, this is fate." She interpreted the purpose of dancing as "to succeed," and she didn't know how to count it.
He Yueping's only request to He Jianhua is not to get sick, she and her brothers and sisters help him renew the pension insurance, and after three years, he will have a pension when he is sixty years old.
He Jianhua repeatedly promoted the health benefits of dancing, and he had not even had a cold in seven or eight years. Only once did he go to the city to dance, and when he came back, it was already afternoon, he didn't eat lunch and just lay down, and when he woke up, he didn't feel right, and he fainted on the ground. Fortunately, it was not a big deal later.
He used to dye his hair black, but now he doesn't care, at least his mental outlook is stronger than his peers. The joints occasionally hurt, but it is strange to say, insisting on practicing dance every day, it will not hurt, if you stop to rest for a few days, it will hurt. "It's like eating, you have to eat, you have to practice." He Jianhua said.
After dancing, time became particularly fast, and he always felt that there was not enough time. He took the action of the ballet solo "Death of the Swan" in its entirety and practiced it repeatedly. "Beautiful things will eventually disappear, and the swan is beautiful, but when it is old, it will have to face death."
He Jianhua was deeply moved, which was a jump in the struggle before the decline and disappearance of life, in order to prove that he had truly lived.
Southern Weekend reporter Li Muyan