Psychologist Frank Kadler said: "One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major tribulation we encountered came mostly from the family, and this tribulation is heritable. ”
Some people can enjoy all kinds of love from birth, and can experience the beauty and happiness of life. But some people, from the day they see the sun of this world, have to live with the ugliness of human nature.
Sun Ya's (pseudonym) family conditions are actually not bad, but since the birth of his brother, the focus of the whole family has been on him.
In the past, her parents worked in other places, and Sun Ya could only live with her grandparents. Grandma is very patriarchal, every time said a lot of hurtful words, although Sun Ya was only 3 years old at that time, but Grandma's indifference and insults, she understood.
Although her parents are not around, every time they return to their hometown, they will at least buy new clothes for her. But after having a younger brother, the love of my parents was all taken back.
The younger brother is spoiled by too many people, his personality is very arrogant, after going to school, as long as the younger brother runs around in the school, or beats a classmate and is invited to the parent, the final beating and scolding are Sun Ya.
Sun Ya really couldn't figure it out, knowing that he hadn't done anything wrong, but the injured person was really himself?
In order to let her parents see her good, Sun Ya has been taking the first place from elementary school to high school. But even if she was praised by everyone, in the hearts of her parents, only her brother was the best.
My brother once finally passed the math test, and his parents were very happy and bought a favorite computer for his brother. And Sun Ya was admitted to the ideal university with very good results, but because her grandmother said: "What is the use of girls studying, don't waste money, work for two years and get married quickly." ”
In this way, her parents said that she would not let her go to college. Sun Ya's heart was completely cold at that time. She has a second sister-in-law, the only one who feels sorry for her relatives.
The living conditions of the second sister at that time were not good, but she was willing to borrow the first year's tuition to Sun Ya. This was her only hope, although the four years of college were not easy, but Sun Ya had always been very grateful to ergu for her help.
Sun Ya can get a scholarship every year, she majored in computer science, and soon after graduation, she found a job, and her income was not low.
She began to save money slowly, but when her parents knew that her income was high, they began to squeeze her in various ways. Because of his poor grades, his brother did not enter the university, and Sun Ya's parents found him a very comfortable job in his hometown.
At the age of 23, my brother got married. At that time, the house in my hometown was going to be renovated, and my mother asked Sun Ya to give 100,000. Sun Ya had savings on her body at that time, but she was not obliged to give them all.
In the end, she gave her family 60,000, which is the bottom line she can give, and Sun Ya can't agree to it.
At the age of 30, Sun Ya finally saved enough to buy a down payment to buy a house, although it was only a small house of 60 square meters, but this was all her hope and security.
She has been dating her boyfriend for three years, and his family conditions are not bad, although her boyfriend loves her very much, but Sun Ya knows it very well. If he wants to continue to walk side by side with his boyfriend, he must work harder, otherwise what reason must he have to be her?
In the past few years, my brother has not done anything, and most of them are nibbling on the old. The sister-in-law and Sun Ya's parents have a very poor relationship and are clamoring to move out.
The younger brother was clamoring to buy a house, and her parents began to morally kidnap her again, saying to Sun Ya: "Your brother's family of four people rent a house, can you bear it?" You a girl is always going to marry, and the house is for your brother. ”
From the day her parents didn't let her go to college, Sun Ya no longer had any feelings for them.
Therefore, she directly angered: "Whoever let him not work hard, even if he takes his family to sleep on the street, it has nothing to do with me, you have no ability to raise him for a lifetime, it has nothing to do with me." Don't contact me in the future, I'm already going to get married, I'm an outsider. ”
After Sun Ya refused, her parents did not give up, they kept calling her, she did not have a soft heart, and directly blocked their contact information.
In the face of her parents' oppression, she did not feel surprised at all, nor did she feel sad. Because she knows how to face it, the original family will no longer bring her any bondage and harm.
Case Study:
One: The way to get rid of the troubles of the original family is to be "hard-hearted"
There are many girls today who can't get out of a bad birth family. They have worked hard to play the role of good daughters, and they will do whatever their parents ask.
But even so, I still can't get the pitiful love of my parents.
They can only struggle in pain, and every time they are hurt, they feel too stupid, and they make up their minds to stop caring about them, but once their parents plead bitterly, they lose their principles.
So day after day, let yourself live in the mud all the time. In fact, the way to get rid of the troubles of the original family, there is no shortcut to go, is to achieve "hard heart".
When you can let go of the fantasies in your heart and no longer have any unreasonable expectations for your family, your heart can become like a stone, without any emotional entanglement.
But as long as you have a little hesitation and reluctance, then you will not be able to get rid of the pain in this life, and it will even drag down your life.
Sun Ya has done a good job in this regard, when she was in high school, she was already cold to her parents, and she also soberly understood that the road in the future had to go alone.
In the face of their demands, all she has to do is refuse, and showing the most unbearable side of human nature to them is the most correct way.
If she had wandered a little, her life would have been terrible today.
Two: Don't force your parents to love you, you should live well
The reason why many people can't get out of the pain of their original families is that they always force their parents to love themselves in their hearts.
As long as they give more, their parents' attitude towards them will be slightly better, but this kind of love is based on interests.
Most girls born in patriarchal families find it difficult to wake up early.
Only really smart girls, they will not consume themselves, rather than forcing their parents to love you, it is better to learn to live their own lives.
Sun Ya is a girl who knows how to run her own business, and she doesn't care about her parents' attitude and evaluation.
When she bought a house, her parents put pressure on her mentally to give the house to her brother to live in, and Sun Ya did not give her family the opportunity to bully her, but returned with a firm attitude.
She knows how to live her own life, because in her heart, she has long understood that she is alone in the face of the world, weak is useless, and selfish kindness is even more stupid.
If you are still immersed in the pain of your original family, from now on, stop forcing your parents to love you. You have to know how to live your own life, how to be happy with yourself.
For the rest of your life, may you and I put away all your weaknesses, please try to take care of your beauty and kindness, and remember to leave it to those who deserve it.