The man sneaked into a rich man's house in the middle of the night, knocked the man unconscious with a wooden stick, and then carried out a crazy sweep, and when he was about to leave, he suddenly heard a shout in the bathroom: "I'm washing, you come in!" So the man moved evil thoughts and rushed into the bathroom, the man can never forget, in the bathroom, his wife saw his surprised expression.
2. My sister and brother-in-law are college classmates and got married after graduation. Now my sister is more than five months pregnant, and she bought a lot of CDs from the Internet, including music and English, saying that she was teaching the baby in the prenatal education, and she was very busy. The brother-in-law felt very incomprehensible, so he advised: "Honey, you better rest well!" When the baby grows up, it is not too late to give him an interest class. The sister listened, hurriedly waved her hand and said, "This is different." Then the brother-in-law asked curiously, "What's different?" Sister: "Because now the baby can't skip class!" ”
3. Yesterday I just bought an electric car, I am not very familiar with it, and there are still many people on the road who are still not used to it. Riding my car to work today, I saw a Mercedes-Benz coming in front of me, and I thought to myself, I can't scratch people's cars. But there were a lot of people around, and I swung left and right, and finally gave way to that Mercedes perfectly. But I scraped the BMW parked on the side of the road, and looking at the BMW owner's grinning look, I knew that I still had to let it when I should let it...
4. My girlfriend said that she found out that my husband was hiding money in his private room, and when I came home from work yesterday, I quarreled with my husband. Angry, my husband put on a hat, put on his coat and opened the door and wanted to leave. I stopped him and said loudly, "If you have the ability, you can take out your wallet, mobile phone, and car keys and go again!" The husband was so angry that he threw out his wallet, mobile phone, and car keys, and also poured out his shoes and said: "Are you satisfied?" Good bye! After my husband left, I called my girlfriend: "You can't teach me the tricks." Where do you say my husband's private money is hidden? The girlfriend said calmly: "In the hat." ”
5. A colleague gave me a piece of chocolate, took it home, and my son and nephew were muttering how to divide it well, and the son said, "Or we will take a bite of each one." The little nephew said, "My mouth is small, your mouth is big, it's not fair." The son said, "Then cut with a knife." The little nephew said, "Brother, you don't cut it evenly." The son said, "What then?" The little nephew laughed and said, "I have a good idea." The son asked, "Turn chocolate into water and drink it from a small cup for each person?" The little nephew said: "No, then there will be a lot of chocolate in the cup, let's throw the chocolate on the ground and step on two feet, whoever is not dirty will eat it!" ”
6. I had a small operation in the hospital last year, and I had an affair with a small nurse who was interning, and I came and went together. Today she was on night shift, and I went to pick her up after work, and she sat in the co-pilot with a lipstick in her hand. She looked at the lipstick and asked, "Whose is this?" I was suddenly confused, thought about it and said: "Yesterday a few colleagues went to dinner together, and there was a female colleague sitting on the co-pilot, probably to make up makeup, and then forgot to take it away!" She said angrily: "It's very fast to make up stories, this lipstick is my new purchase!" ”
7. I got off work a little late, I came home from work at 8 o'clock, waiting at the intersection, I looked at a man next to me with familiar eyes, and I looked at him. When I found out he was looking at me too, I laughed a little, and as I approached, I asked him, "How did you end up here?" He laughed too: Yes! We both started talking, and then I suddenly asked him: Did we two know each other before? He said, "I don't know!"
8. During the quarrel, the woman angrily said: Divorce! The man was silent for half a day and asked, "Can I say the last word?" Woman: "Say it, mother-in-law's!" Man: "I can program..." Woman: "Can program a fart, now there are people everywhere who can program!" The man blushed and continued, "I can program... In the fairy tale, the angel you love! ”
#Funny# #搞笑段子 #