Bai Wei
During the Republic of China period, because of the particularity of the times, those touching stories were overshadowed with mystery, such as the bizarre death of Sanmao, the love between Hu Shi and the original Jiang Dongxiu, and why Zhang Ailing was depressed and committed suicide in the later period.
Even if these things have passed nearly a hundred years, people will still talk about them after tea and dinner.
Indeed, the literati of the Republic of China period, under the influence of cultural reform, each wanted to be the "first person" to abandon tradition and chase the trend of romantic life, which also led to many young women, who were haggard and sad for love all their lives, and regretted love until they died.
Bai Wei, a writer of the Republic of China, was injured all over her body for a fleeting "love", and also laughed at herself as a "three noes" woman: born without a home, fruitless in love, and dead without a tomb.
Bai Wei was born in an intellectual family, influenced by her father since childhood, Bai Wei also likes to read books, she feels that the things said in books are very magical, very trendy, and she has not been exposed to in her life now.
She also secretly vowed that in the future, she would also become a useful talent often said in the book, and the stubbornness and recognition of death in her bones, and not recognizing her life were also the special features of Bai Wei different from other women.
But in that era, women's reading was funny, obeying the orders of their parents, matchmakers, and marrying early was the right thing.
Of course, Bai Wei is no exception, she was casually assigned by her parents to a family in the same village as a child bride.
Bai Wei and Lu Xun
If fate is controlled at will, what is the meaning of life?
This was exactly what Bai Wei thought when she knew that she was a "victim" of her parents' arranged marriage.
But even if she did not want to, she was still young, and she could only be forced to obey the arrangements of her family, so Bai Wei, who was only 16 years old at the time, was "sent" to the son of a widow.
In the days of the in-laws' family, it is also the beginning of Bai Wei's nightmare, the mother-in-law is bitter and mean, specially picking some heavy work for Bai Weigan, not satisfying the mother-in-law, she will punch and kick her.
Once Bai Wei resisted, if she was caught, she would fight harder, bai Wei was fed up with being treated like a "cow and horse" like a garbage life, but helpless, her mother-in-law looked closely, and there was no chance to escape.
Selected works by Bai Wei
And her husband, who is dead in name only, is not half distracted when he watches his mother beat someone, and sometimes he even beats with his mother, which is ridiculous.
He thinks that Bai Wei is just a "mane" that his mother paid for.
Once, because Bai Wei overturned a bowl and chopsticks, her mother-in-law was angry, thinking that Bai Wei was provoking her and resisting, in her eyes, Bai Wei was an inferior person, and overturning the bowl and chopsticks was a "crime" committed below.
So I the guy and began to whipp, Bai Wei this time was different from usual, tearing with her, just when Bai Wei was ready to run, the mother-in-law bit her ankle tendon, the blood flowed, Bai Wei was in pain and spasmed and trembled.
Bai Wei was really angry this time, if she didn't escape again, she would die here, and the reading life she had fantasized about and the days of learning to write would really be annihilated a little bit.
Finally, Bai Wei took advantage of her mother-in-law's departure and ran out to her uncle's house.
She had run once before, but that time she went back to her parents, but her parents felt that she was humiliated and did not keep the way of women, and sent her back to her in-laws' house.
Bai Wei was also extremely disappointed in her seemingly harmonious family, and only then did she have such a solution.
She knew that her uncle would definitely help her and understand her suffering, and sure enough, her uncle was very distressed about Bai Wei and gave her some funds to run away and pursue what she wanted.
After getting rid of the tragic encounter of the child bride, in 1915, Bai Wei went to the women's normal school, and she finally entered the classroom that she was dreaming of, and her anti-feudal consciousness was sublimated here.
Bai Wei studied hard and treated people sincerely, and was selected by her classmates as the head of the school.
Bai Wei manuscript
The headmaster was a pedantic Qing dynasty veteran who abolished English classes and forbade students to read new books and newspapers, but allowed churches in Britain and the United States to join the school as missionaries.
This behavior made Bai Wei very dissatisfied, she joined several students, went to the church to make trouble, reported the principal's incompetence and fainting, but was removed by the principal.
After Bai Wei fled the in-laws' house, her parents have also been looking for bai wei's news, and her parents will only feel that "the daughter who marries out, the water that is spilled out", the in-laws have no right to interfere, and they do not want to interfere, they believe that the daughter's behavior affects the reputation of the Bai family.
Bai Wei ignored her parents' indifference and wanted her to "bury herself in the sea of fire", and in order to completely get rid of the shackles and pressure, Bai Wei fled China and went to Japan with the help of her uncle.
Bai Wei's essay collection
This is also the reason why Bai Wei laughed at herself for being "homeless" in the "Three No Women", a place that is more terrible than "hell", not to return, not to recognize.
During this time in Japan, Bai Wei went to school during the day and went to work and study at night and leisure time.
Exhausted every day, she endured hardships that she shouldn't have endured at this age in order to survive.
At this time, Bai Wei is also 30 years old, there is no happiness for the first half of her life, and she continues to be immersed in sensitive loneliness, and she begins to yearn for love, marriage, and children like a normal person, and has a "safe haven" of her own.
Just when she was tossing and turning all night, she met Yang Suo, a man 6 years younger than her, who was handsome and handsome, and was a very talented poet.
Yang Sao's youth
At that time, the poet was the embodiment of romance, and a warm word of concern and a letter full of love on weekdays would make women's hearts palpitate.
More importantly, Yang Sao and Bai Wei are fellow villagers, and they are also from Zhangzhou, Fujian Province, which makes Bai Wei's intimate feeling of "knowing other places in his hometown" spontaneously.
After knowing each other, the two often traveled together, telling interesting things and secretly having feelings, and the two quickly established a romantic relationship.
The words "sentient being able to drink water and be full" were very obvious after Bai Wei fell in love with Yang Sao, and everything was mainly love.
Even though she was six years older than Yang Sao, Bai Wei was still like a little girl, spoiling and asking for a kiss.
She regards Yang Sao as her "refuge" after the disaster, and she is enthusiastic and yearning, and devotes herself to this relationship.
But when Bai Wei was still immersed in the joy of love, Yang Sao, with the passage of time, the nature of the wind flow became more and more apparent.
Statue of Bai Wei
The wind and snow outside made the amorous Yang Sao linger, indulging in it, unable to extricate himself.
He didn't go home for three days, and his attitude toward Bai Wei didn't have the same strength that he had at the beginning.
Yang Sao felt that he was still young, this kind of chai rice oil and salt days were very boring, and he was facing the same woman all day, which also made Yang Sao very irritable and did not want to go home for one of the reasons.
Yang Sao's love concept is "I love you, my heart is yours, but you can't be greedy, even my people, don't want to stay around."
However, Bai Wei yearns for the perfect feeling of "one life and one couple", and she believes that to love a person must be treated wholeheartedly, this idea is simply incomprehensible to Yang Sao.
It is precisely because of the difference in the way of treating feelings that Yang Sao is controlled by Bai Wei and the pressure is too great.
Bai Wei, as a party, naturally felt clearly, and she cried and wanted to exchange this for Yang Sao's change.
But the more this happens, Yang Sao will only feel that she is irritable, there is no woman outside who is "sensible and well-behaved", and she is even more reluctant to take care of Bai Wei.
Yang Sao, who longed for freedom, wanted to escape and stay away from this "land of right and wrong". Not long after, the young and vigorous Yang Sao fled back to Hangzhou alone with his self-proclaimed charm.
After Bai Wei learned about it, she was heartbroken, and a light in the dark world suddenly disappeared, which was a very big blow to Bai Wei.
Bai Wei couldn't understand why Yang Sao would leave her, and after all his ordeals, was it also wrong to cherish his feelings? Indeed, Bai Wei was wrong, wrong was wrong, and she really paid the wrong person.
After Yang Sao left, Bai Wei was particularly stubborn, she chased back to China, found Yang Sao, wanted to ask Yang Sao for explanations, and even wanted to return to Yang Sao's side.
Selected Essays of Yang Sao
When the former lover met again, Bai Wei thought that Yang Suo had made a mistake for a while, and after meeting, she would be as excited and tearful as she was, and the two got back together.
Yang Sao was not only very impatient, but also said a lot of sad words. He said that he had long been interested in horses, liked other women, and only hoped that Bai Wei would no longer be entangled.
But Bai Wei was still persistent, she thought that Yang Sao was talking angrily, and at this time, Bai Wei was already a bit "sick" about her feelings.
Yang Sao only wanted to clean up and let the people in front of him disappear quickly, so he coaxed Bai Wei to say:
"I am what you love, believe me, the woman I love the most is you, you remember!" But I'm going to experience a hundred women, and then I'm tired and crippled, haggard like a willow that has been moved out of a ward, forever falling in your arms, and you're waiting, and I'll come to you in three years."
This is not to be chased and beaten now, But Bai Wei is different, she believes it to be true, and patiently waits for Yang Sao to reunite with her after "verifying the woman".
After Yang Sao left, Bai Wei was half awake and half drunk.
Letter written by Bai Wei
What is sober is that she has not forgotten the reason why she went to further study, devoted herself to the revolutionary cause, during which she was fortunate to get acquainted with Lu Xun, and after mr. Guidance, she wrote and published many articles, opening the door of the cultural revolution.
What was drunk was that she was still waiting for Yang Sao, waiting every day for her sweetheart to meet her.
What is surprising is that yang sao really came back after three years, but at this time, Yang Sao was destitute. It turned out that after he separated from Bai Wei, he just ate, drank and had fun, and achieved nothing.
When he learned that Bai Wei now had unlimited scenery, he planned to use Bai Wei's unswerving feelings for him to solve his predicament at this time.
So he returned to China to find Bai Wei and make peace with him, Yang Suo's abacus was right, Bai Wei, a foolish woman, not only did not care about the previous suspicions, but also very willing to re-accept him, the two broke the mirror and reunited, and reconciled.
Yang Sao returned, also with a dirty illness, he hid his case and Bai Wei was rubbing his ears on the bed.
The right one is Bai Wei
Unbeknownst to her knowledge, Bai Wei was still happy to be reunited with the deceased, unaware of the impending disaster, and even began to prepare for her wedding with Yang Sao.
Bai Wei sent an invitation and warmly invited friends and colleagues around her. On the wedding day, Bai Wei painted exquisite makeup and wore a dress, waiting for the arrival of the groom Yang Sao.
For Yang Sao Baiwei is really bent on perfection, anything can be forgiven, and everything can be accepted, she thinks that this time Yang Sao really changed his past wrongdoing, and sincerely wants to marry with himself, white head and old age.
But the prodigal son was so easy to turn back, Yang Sao broke his word again, and he once again secretly left Bai Wei alone.
The high-ranking friends were full of ridicule, Bai Wei looked particularly ridiculous, the bride ran away on the wedding day, leaving the bride alone to face the mess.
Yang Sao and Bai Wei
Yang Sao's departure this time was nothing more than a taste of sweetness, rushing to the arms of another woman, dead nature unchanged, disgusting.
Yang Sao was happy, solved the problem of life embarrassment, and discarded Bai Wei like an object at will, causing Bai Wei to be like a dead rose, without any vitality.
This time, Bai Wei completely fell, not only was her body infected by Yang Sao's unspeakable pain, but psychologically it was like a needle in the haystack.
In the face of Yang Suo's betrayal again and again, Bai Wei has always been tolerant, until this time Yang Suo's escape from marriage is a complete awakening of Bai Wei's dream.
She complained about her stupid behavior, why she would wronged herself so much and humiliated herself.
Bai Wei's years have always been her own wishful thinking, and it is her own "morbid" concept of love that has added a layer of aura to this long-broken relationship.
A photograph of Yang Sao in middle age
After experiencing this incident, Bai Wei threw herself wholeheartedly into the revolutionary cause that she had abandoned for love, and she no longer had any illusions about Yang Sao.
In the 17th year of the Republic of China, she created the one-act drama "The Passion of the Revolutionary God" and "Playing the Ghost Tower", and she used the suffering she experienced as the theme to ruthlessly expose the oppression of feudal forces strangling "female dignity".
The emancipation of women, the admiration for freedom, was the most she had done before the events of September 18, and her pen was like a sharp blade, shredding and disintegrating the hearts of invaders.
At this time, she is no longer a girl who sheds tears for love, but a fighter who dares to face the enemy, and she uses her way to express her revolutionary journey.
As the saying goes, "the road is narrow", after the September 18 incident, Bai Wei and Yang Sao met again, at this time Bai Wei was seriously ill in bed, haggard, Yang Sao saw his former lover like this, but also very self-condemning and painful.
A photograph of Yang Sao when he was young
He squeezed Bai Wei's hand and said that he would stay and take care of her, spend the rest of his life with her, and told her: "In the past, I didn't know how to love you, but now I am beginning to really know that I love you." ”
Bai Wei just sneered and directly refused, Bai Wei's rejection of Yang Suo was really not in love or afraid of facing the pain of loss again, it was not known.
I only knew that at this time, Bai Wei's heart was already full of holes and could not withstand any tossing.
She said to Yang Sao: "Tragedy, I have acted enough." Never again want to be the protagonist of a tragedy. ”
Yes, Bai Wei has been injured all over the body, the encounter of the child bride in childhood, coupled with Yang Sao's repeated feelings of "abuse and abandonment", Bai Wei can no longer love and hate like a normal.
At this time, she just wanted to end it quickly, to end the first half of her bleak life.
Middle-aged photo of Bai Wei
"This situation can be turned into a memory, but at that time it was already confused", Yang Sao understood too late.
The amorous and affectionate he also has regrets today, for Bai Wei is also a kind of "good medicine" to balance the wounds in her heart!
Later, Yang Sao saw that Bai Wei had such a resolute attitude, and it was not good to delay each other's time any longer, so he left, and after that, he married another woman and also found a teacher's job, which was a return to normal life, and completely ended the love-hate entanglement with Bai Wei for more than 20 years.
After that, Yang Suo would send living expenses to Bai Wei every month to make up for the debt he owed to Bai Wei when he was young, until he died at the age of 57.
After Bai Wei was completely separated from Yang Sao, she was not in the mood to fall in love, got married, and has always been alone.
A picture of Bai Wei when she was young
Bai Wei's mouth: "Love is fruitless", is that she uses a tragic love encounter in her life as a basis, Bai Wei's inner trauma, only she knows what she needs to use to make up for this endless regret and loneliness.
Bai Wei, who should have been a brilliant life, was unattended in her later years, had no relatives, no friends, and no lovers, and until her death in 1987, Bai Wei was a person.
Bai Wei once said that she was a "three noes" woman, this "born without a home", "love without fruit" is her sad life experience, that "death without a grave" is her mockery of her dramatic life.
Statue in honor of Bai Wei
Throughout Bai Wei's life, it is the story of the infatuated woman with a negative heart, but Bai Wei is too obsessed with it and refuses to let go of herself, if there is an afterlife, I hope that she can be as free as the wind and unfettered as she expects.