In life, most people can only live their lives in an ordinary way.
From an early age, we are taught to strive for success, but few people tell us how to accept ourselves, accept our own ordinariness, and be a happy ordinary person.
So, how can ordinary people have a full and happy life?
01
Stop complaining and change yourself.
In the face of unsatisfactory life, many people often complain about bad luck and unfair fate. But complaining doesn't solve the problem, it only makes people lose confidence and courage, and makes life bad.
"The strong are not easily angry, and the weak complain a lot", indeed, some people lack ability and do not want to admit it, so they use complaints to convince themselves.
People who habitually complain, feel self-pity and self-pity, and seek sympathy from others. As everyone knows, no one will sympathize with such a person.
Chattering and complaining is like a puzzle in front of you, which will only numb yourself more and make you more unable to see your weaknesses.
When a person encounters unsatisfactory circumstances, he will only complain that it will only make his situation worse and worse.
Once read a little story.
In ancient times, there was a woodcutter who felt that he had to worked a lot to get a meager income, and he felt indignant in his heart. While eating, he was angry and complained to his family that his wife, who was cooking, was affected and accidentally put an extra spoonful of salt in the meal.
The woodcutter was even more angry when he ate it, and he rushed to the mountain to cut firewood, while complaining to the other woodcutters about how unlucky he was. The more he spoke, the more excited he became, and the axe in his hand accidentally flew out and hit a passerby, who happened to be the prince of a neighboring country who happened to pass by halfway. As a result, a woodcutter's complaint triggered a two-state war.
Many times, complaining can only make people try to be quick for a while, but they can't solve any problems. Complaining too much will make people habitually think about things from the negative side, resulting in life becoming more unbearable. Stop complaining and change yourself to solve the problem and get lucky
good fortune.
So, how do you stop complaining?
We need to understand what our first reaction is in the face of difficulties, and then before negative words or thoughts take over the brain, we must take immediate action to change ourselves and take our fate into our own hands.
If we are not satisfied with life, we should turn the complaining into the power to work hard, use the time of complaining to change ourselves, strengthen ourselves, and help ourselves to become better people.
The author of the book "How Steel is Made" former Soviet writer Ostrovsky, who only attended primary school for three years, lived in a more difficult life, at the age of 16 seriously injured in the abdomen and head, blind in his right eye; bedridden by hardening of the joints at the age of 20.
He was once lost, but he insisted on finishing correspondence university courses during his illness, and whenever he had time, he read literary masterpieces with hunger and thirst.
Later, he began to write, experienced countless rejections, and experienced human pain, snub, and even discrimination. He endured the pain of illness, insisted on writing, and finally completed this world-famous work, which shocked the literary world.
Suffering enough, but not complaining about the world, he sought development in the midst of suffering, making the original life life glorious.
Not only Ostrovsky, almost everyone has to go through countless difficulties in their lives, but some people are in a dead loop of complaints, but some people are trying to change.
Change the attitude of complaining and actively do what should be done in the moment, then you will be able to break through the difficulties and continue to move forward towards the goal of pursuit.
The difficulties encountered on the road of life are both tests and growth. Only when we stop complaining will we have more time to examine ourselves, precipitate ourselves, and thus live a happier life.
No one is born a hero, and we need to believe that ordinary people also have the ability to influence and change the world. We stop complaining, and from today on we change ourselves, allowing ourselves to change from laziness to diligence, from indifference to enthusiasm, from timidity to bravery.
When we take a small step, maybe the world is taking a big step forward. If everyone could do their part to make a small change in the world, the world would become more inclusive and friendly, and our lives would become happier.
02
Control desires and learn to be content.
Schopenhauer once said:
"Man is the embodiment of desires and needs, the condensation of countless desires."
Man, full of desire.
Desire is like a chasm filled with discontent, and if you indulge, the more you will be led by its nose.
With money, you still want to be richer; when you have a house, you want more land; you want fame and fortune, and you want greater power; you have money, power, and name, and you want to have a longer life to occupy it.
Life itself is a body of desire, and desire is sinless, but excessive desire is a scourge.
Although indulgence is human nature, overcoming desire should also be an instinct of human beings.
There is a concept in psychology called the "hungry rat effect."
What is said is: proper moderation, good development; overindulgence, premature aging and short life.
By overindulging your desires, you will often face not the beauty you imagined, but it will bring you a lot of unnecessary pain and regret.
If you can't restrain and restrain yourself, then it is easy to be confused by material desires, and eventually become depraved and difficult to extricate yourself.
The desire without moderation, if left unchecked, will eventually only ruin itself.
Once saw a story.
There is a man who wants to own a piece of land of his own.
God said to him, "In the early morning, you run out of here, and if you run for a while, you will plant a flagpole, and as long as you come back before the sun sets, the ground where the flagpole is planted will belong to you." ”
The man ran away without a life, and he was not satisfied when the sun was far to the west.
Although he ran back before the sun went down, he was already exhausted by this time, and he could not get up again after falling on his heels.
So someone dug a pit and buried him on the spot.
The pastor, in praying to this man, said:
"How much land does a man want?" It's just that big. ”
In fact, the belongings that each of us have, whether it is a house, a car, money, etc., whether it is tangible or intangible, none of them belong to you.
Those things are only temporarily entrusted to you, some for you to use temporarily, and some for you to keep temporarily.
So the wise see all of this as something outside the body.
Temptation is everywhere in this world, and truly intelligent people are never at the mercy of desire, but know how to exercise self-restraint.
Someone once said:
"I think temperance is the greatest enjoyment of life, and the release of material and spiritual is very easy, but the difficult thing is moderation." Therefore, the highest state of mind of being a human being is moderation, not release. ”
Happiness can only be added by subtraction from desire.
Lao Tzu once said: "There is no greater misfortune than dissatisfaction, and there is no greater blame than desire, so contentment is always enough." ”
This means that dissatisfaction is the greatest scourge, and desire is the greatest sin, and only those who are content will always feel happy and happy.
Many times, it is not that life is too hard and life is difficult to be happy, but that we have too many desires and do not understand contentment.
Some people have a candy and will envy the bag of candy in the hands of others; some people see that others have a tall building and begin to dislike the house they live in is too simple; there are always people in life who feel that they have too little and envy others for getting too much.
As everyone knows, misfortune often stems from oneself, troubles often stem from comparison, and pain often stems from dissatisfaction.
The realm is born of the heart, and the realm changes with the heart. Contentment is happiness; dissatisfaction is suffering.
Contentment is not about not knowing how to be self-motivated and satisfying the status quo, but about controlling desires and being content with what you already have in the present.
Contentment is to accept your ordinary life, relax, enjoy the wind in your ears and the land under your feet, and perceive the happiness that nature brings you.
Contentment is to cherish the people who have always been with you, enjoy the warmth of your family and the happiness brought to you by the true feelings of your friends.
Contentment is to take every step of the way steadily, even if there is mud under the feet, there is still hope, knowing that the rain will eventually be sunny, and looking forward to the happiness that can be had in the future.
Many times, it is not that God has treated you badly, but that you want to get too much, see too little, and close the door to perceive happiness.
Calm down and look in your hands and you will find that we have always held the key to open the door of happiness.
Thoreau once said: "If a person can meet the basic needs of life, in fact, they can enjoy life more calmly and fully." ”
Only by being satisfied with what we already have in the present and properly controlling our selfish desires can we make our hearts rich and get real happiness.
03
Learn not to live in the evaluation of others, manage yourself well, and live out of yourself.
The philosopher Schopenhauer said: "One of the most peculiar weaknesses of human nature is that it cares about how others see itself." ”
In life, we often care about the evaluation of others and are wrapped up in various invisible evaluations.
In order to achieve inner peace and feel long-term happiness, we need to break free from the shackles of external evaluation, try to feel the inside, and find what really reflects us.
It is easy for us to be limited by the evaluation of others, and learn not to live in the evaluation of others, in order to have a more accurate understanding and positioning of ourselves, and see our true personality and hidden energy.
Actress Zhao Liying in the first few years of her debut, was labeled a lot by the outside world, everyone said that she could not play the heroine with a round face, looked small and childish, etc., and some directors even let her go for plastic surgery in order to act.
For the outside world's evaluation of her, Zhao Liying did not compromise, she chose to be loyal to herself and speak with her works. She once said that an actor should not be defined by the shape of her face, and she will desperately seize every opportunity.
Filming for more than ten years, Zhao Liying ran for seven years of dragon sets, she has always been diligent and earnest to perform each drama, and finally all the way from Yahuan to female number one, she used solid acting skills to prove to us that only by not being bound by external evaluation can we find ourselves and achieve ourselves.
We live in this society, no matter what we do, there will be people pointing fingers, so understand that this is normal, do not care about the evaluation of others, do not have to lose themselves in order to cater to others.
Do not care about the evaluation of others, in order to live out their own lives, have a more colorful life.
Someone once said: A large part of life's things, in the final analysis, are two things: one is about my fart, and the other is about your fart.
Although this sentence is a joke, it is full of great wisdom in life.
Many times, we always live in the evaluation of others, often care about the gossip around us, and are swayed by irrelevant things.
Whenever this happens, why not stop and ask yourself: Is this about my ass?
Happiness is not to be swayed by anyone, not to compromise for whom, and not to force yourself to cater to others. We will find that you are not living in the evaluation of others, you are you, you can become whatever you want to be, realize your own value.
People live one life, and no matter how important others are, they are far less important than yourself. Others will always be bystanders in your life, and only you are the one at the helm of your life.
You can't make everyone satisfied, so why should you wronged yourself for others?
A happy life is not for others to see, you don't have to care about other people's eyes and expectations, living happily is more important than anything.
Everyone has a different understanding of life and pursues different pursuits. Your yardstick is not someone else's scale, other people's opinions do not represent your point of view, it is important not to let other people's opinions affect your life.
Success in the eyes of others is not necessarily suitable for themselves, rather than blindly burying their heads in the pursuit of so-called success, what is more valuable is to accept their own ordinary, embrace their own lives, and also embrace the happiness brought by ordinary.
You don't have to be recognized by everyone, people are alive, and the most important thing is to run themselves well.
If you are too concerned about things outside your body, you will neglect yourself, and on the contrary, you will love yourself.
Carnegie, a master of success studies, shared his experience in the book: "A reporter from The Sun once attended a demonstration class of his, and after attending it, the reporter satirized his adult education work. Carnegie was very angry and felt that this was simply an insult to himself. ”
So he called the chairman of the Sun's executive committee and asked them to stop the taunts and publish an article clarifying the facts. A few years later, when Carnegie recalled his actions, he felt ashamed. ”
Because he understood that 50% of newspaper readers would not read the satirical article, and 50% of those who read that article would laugh it off.
And 50 percent of those who actually read the article and rejoice will forget about it after a few weeks.
In fact, there is really no need to take yourself too seriously, others don't care so much about you, and your business is not important to others at all.
Yang Dai said: "We were so looking forward to the recognition of the outside world, until the end we realized that the world is our own and has nothing to do with others. ”
Our own lives, determined by ourselves, have nothing to do with others.
There is no need to cater to others, care about what others say about you, just be yourself, accept yourself, please yourself, make yourself happy, and live your best.
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