Author: Insight Jin Shan Yue
British psychologist Robert Debod once compared life to a river, seemingly flowing quietly, calm wind and waves, but in fact, the undercurrent is surging and dangerous.
Behind the superficially calm life, everyone will encounter several turbulent undercurrents in their lives.
How can we successfully cross the undercurrent of life and reach the other shore?
Robert used countless clinical cases to piece together a "Mr. Toad" and told his journey from depression to recovery.
When you finish reading the book "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist", you will understand:
In the long river of life, no one will be your ferryman.
The only person who can ferry you across the shore is yourself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="17" >1 There is no shortage of wounded people in this world</h1>
Mr. Toad seems optimistic, but along the way, his heart has long been scarred.
He grew up in a "joyless" family, where his father was old-fashioned and harsh, and his mother was cowardly and incompetent.
From their parents, the toads never felt love and warmth, and some were just indifferent and reproachful.
From being sent to a private school at the age of 7, to choosing a Latin major at university, to inheriting the family business after graduation, every step in Toad's life is decided by others.
He is like an "outsider" in his life, and he can only bury the pain deep in his heart.
When he grew up, the injuries of his original family made the toad form an inferior and sensitive personality and continue to torment him.
He racked his brains to run the toad manor left by his father, but everyone always talked about the glory of his father's generation and did not care about his efforts;
In order to get recognition, he tries to please them, but in exchange for accusations;
In order to look sociable, he even pretended to be a passionate hippie and became someone else's "pistachio".
However, even if you sacrifice yourself, you have not been able to exchange the favor of others.
This pile of trivia, like a carving knife, cut a deep and shallow wound in the heart of the toad.
Caught in the predicament of life, The Toad tries to buy a drunken drink to dispel his sorrows, but the result is that he falls into a deeper quagmire.
After a drunken drunkenness, he stole a car and fled dressed as a washerwoman.
He snatched horses, stole money, and was displaced all the way, eventually arrested and imprisoned.
Life has never treated the toad well, and the toad's inner defense line has completely collapsed after being released from prison.
He suffered from depression, his home was once occupied by weasels, and even his favorite position as the director of the village school was about to be replaced by a friend.
Mr. Toad, who was once dressed brightly, ended up curled up under the table and did not dare to breathe in the atmosphere.
Perhaps, everyone has had the shadow of Mr. Toad.
You try your best to please a person, but the other party is not only not grateful, but also uses your kindness to ask for more;
You work with all your might, but fate always gives you a stumbling block and makes all your toil go to waste;
Even when you need it most, even the people closest to you will always speak ill of you, making you swallow bitter water while carrying kindness.
I once read a very heartfelt sentence:
"There is no one in this world who does not carry injuries. Whether you like it or not, you have no way back. ”
In the adult world, everyone is wading through the mountains and waters alone.
When you are sad, you can allow yourself to stop, but you can't let yourself fall.
No matter how tough it is ahead.
We are all wrapped in scars and loss, wandering in struggle, gritting our teeth and moving forward, seeking inner healing.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="74">2 Instead of waiting for a cure, it is better to learn to heal itself</h1>
After the toad was completely decadent, he once wanted to live lightly.
Fortunately, his friend River Rat stopped him in time and recommended a psychiatrist to him.
In this way, he came to the "Heron House" for the first time and met with the consultant Heron.
The heron asked, "Who made you come?" ”
The toad said without hesitation, "It's the river rats for them." ”
But the heron shook her head and told him, "The only thing that can make you come is yourself." ”
At first, the toad was irritated by this stupid question, but after calming down, he understood:
He must take responsibility for his own life and cannot expect others to redeem himself.
In the weekly consultations that followed, the heron simply threw out the question and left it to the toad to analyze the cause on its own.
And the problem with herons has always been these three:
"What do you think about this?"
"How do you feel?"
"What would you do?"
Under the guidance of the heron, the toad began to face the scars in its heart and began a journey of self-character exploration.
In the past few months of medical treatment, he always remembered a sentence said by the heron: "Whether you want to reconcile with life or not, you decide for yourself." ”
With the encouragement of the heron, the toad finally took the first bold step.
He forced himself to get up early, walked along the garden path to the dock, repaired the long-abandoned rowing boat, and rowed the boat happily.
He patiently observed a small grass on the side of the road and felt the wonder of the colors of nature.
Slowly, the toad accepts the painful past and begins to consciously pay attention to its emotions.
He tried to change injustices, to reject unkind people, and when he relieved himself of the social burden, the whole person began to become refreshed.
The Shawshank Redemption says:
"Everyone is their own God, and if you give up on yourself, who else will save you?"
The world will not open the door of convenience for you because of your crying, and it will not treat you differently because of your compassion and kindness.
Life is full of hardships, and if you want to get over the suffering and heal the scars, you can only rely on yourself in the end.
As the heron says:
"No matter how good psychological counseling is, it is all out of the willingness of the patient." The healing process is all about finding the answers for yourself. ”
Each of us is actually our own doctor.
Instead of waiting for a cure, learn to heal yourself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="131" > 3 What can be cured in life is the person who is willing to come out</h1>
A few months later, the reborn toad is coming to the end of his healing journey.
During the previous treatment, the heron asked the toad to rate its mood, and the toad went from the original 2 points to the current 8 points.
The remaining 2 points are that he will occasionally be sad and sad about past injuries.
To this end, the heron, in its last consultation, told the toad:
"If you take responsibility for yourself, you know you have the power to change your environment and yourself."
The toad remembered this advice and said goodbye to the heron.
He regained his hobbies, bought himself a new boat, competed in several kayak races, and then drove his favorite caravan and did a short trip.
In the process of self-healing, the toad not only regains happiness, but also regains courage and courage.
He took back the position of village school director from his friends and competed for the chairmanship of the Riverbank Cricket Club.
He gave up inheriting the family estate that annoyed him and instead worked on the real estate he loved.
He arranged business meetings, worked intensively to plan a new company, and arranged his daily schedule to the fullest.
After everything was on track, the toad had another bold decision.
He was going to say goodbye to his past self.
He sold the Toad Manor and walked out of the mansion that carried his grief and witnessed his depression.
He built a new home on the beautiful river bank and began to enjoy the true happiness that life brought.
He told us his own story:
What life can heal is always the person who is willing to come out.
Each of us, perhaps, has been trapped by our own fate like a toad.
If you want to break free from bad luck, others can do nothing, and only by relying on your own awakening and action can you get your own salvation.
Yang Dai once said:
"If we reflect on the experience of our lives, it is all due to the situation at that time, involuntarily, but at the critical moment, it is still ourselves who are in charge."
All the pain in life stems from our inner feelings.
And all healing depends on one's own strength.
If you want to get rid of the pain in your life, you must dare to take your first step.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="182">4</h1>
The book "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist" condenses the decades of psychological experience of the author Robert Debod.
In reality, he once said to countless Mr. Toads:
"In the face of harm, we have nowhere to escape, but what must be done can only be done on our own."
Life is bittersweet, we will always be hurt, and there will always be a lot of confusion.
But don't get discouraged, don't get frustrated.
As long as you can hold your breath and bear the difficulty, you yourself are the most powerful force.
When you take the initiative to take the first step on the road to self-healing, the door of a new world will also open for you.
May you awaken your inner strength and be your own savior in your complicated life.
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