The years are long, like a gentle wind, gradually blowing our faces. The short journey I walked with you was solemnly recorded in my diary, but no matter how hard I fought, I could not restore it.
You were sixteen years old, and your father had left you when you were unaware of the world. Then your mother remarried, and your only brother suffered an accident while loading and unloading goods, leaving you alone to stay at my cousin's house temporarily. In the memory, there is no sorrow in your eyes, perhaps, the blows that come to you have long forgotten the heaviness, and the future that comes to you has rekindled hope.
I met you when you were sixteen years old. That year, just after the Lantern Festival, early the next morning, my mother asked me to go to the street to pick up people, saying that the family was ready to plant peanuts, and called someone to help. Confused, I asked my mother who she wanted to pick up, and her mother pretended to be mysterious and glared at me: "You will know when you go to the street, your cousin brought it." ”
I didn't dare to slacken off, and rushed into the streets. In a grocery store, I met my cousin, who was muttering something to a little girl behind her.
"Yo, Sister Lake came to the market so early, go, I'll take you to breakfast." I smiled at my cousin.
"I'll eat it later." My cousin pulled me aside and said softly, "My aunt (my mother) has been thinking about Ah Feng all day and wants to match you two into a pair, but she is still so young, we can't bear to push her out, but we can't help my aunt." You see..."
The cousin suddenly stopped and glanced back. Following her gaze, I saw you sitting on a small bench with your right hand on your chin and your left hand holding a small branch that you had picked up from nowhere, playing with something on the ground, and the corners of your mouth were filled with a warm and moving spring breeze. The cuffs of the brown coat have a large stain of oil stains, as if they have not dried out after washing, which is quite conspicuous. I was suddenly overwhelmed. It seems that my mother has been planning for a long time for my marriage. But I didn't say a word, it was so embarrassing at the time, should I thank her or blame her?
"Otherwise, according to my aunt's wishes, let Ah Feng help plant peanuts for a few days, and you will understand each other first, otherwise your aunt will nag me again." My cousin saw me silent and finally broke the deadlock.
I took my cousin's advice, and after breakfast, my cousin went back, and I went home with you who had not yet taken off your childishness. If I could turn back the clock, I'd rather escape than take you home.
In our backward village, the process of sowing peanuts is complicated, bitter and tiring. First, the cattle pulled the iron plough to turn the ground loose. (The land is too small and step-by-step to be counted on) Next, the ditches are to be ploughed in the soft land, and the spacing is very dense, almost one ditch after another. Then the seeds are sown along the ditch, and the seeds are also sown very densely, about a fist distance of two or three seeds, usually by children or elderly people, because the work is relatively easy. The young and strong are responsible for fertilizing, which is a mixture of chicken and cow dung fermented farm manure, all grasped by hand, and the slimy feeling is unforgettable. Finally, the ditch is leveled with a hoe.
I sometimes wonder if we live in the same era as those people far away. Human society went from walking upright to agrarian civilization, and then it stagnated in our land. Sometimes we don't really have to sigh "if we can turn back the clock, then what happened", we really live in the past.
After planting peanuts for several days in a row, I felt a little overwhelmed. But I found that you are still full of energy, and once you get home, you are still busy, and you are not willing to stop for a moment. Watching your thin figure floating in front of my eyes, I gradually realized that you are not willful at all, but you have maturity and well-behavedness that do not match your age, which makes me very sad.
On another market day, we also went to join in the fun. The streets are crowded, and I hold your hand, I'm really afraid you'll disappear into the vast sea of people. Passing by a clothing store, I picked out a suit for you, and it was the first time in my life that I had bought something for a girl. When I walked out of the shop, I noticed a red tide in your eyes and asked you why. You said you can't remember when you last bought clothes, and now you wear them, all of which are sent by well-meaning people. I stared at you obsessively: the craggy brow bones, the firm eyes, the low lips, and the urge to protect you suddenly surged within me.
A week later, you return to your cousin's house. I suddenly had a feeling of emptiness in my heart.
I met you again, and it was already June. At that time, my cousin's family was harvesting rice and asked me to help.
When I was ready to work in the field that day, you handed me a brand new straw hat and quietly said to me: "Yesterday I knew you were coming, I went out on the street to buy them, the old ones in the house, others have worn them, there is a smell of sweat, I am afraid you can't stand it." ”
I took the straw hat and sniffed it, and smiled, "It seems that there is still a smell, that is the smell emitted from your body." Honestly, on the way back, did you wear it? ”
"I'm not telling you. Too lazy to pay attention to you. "After saying that, you ran away with a cigarette."
At that moment, I wanted to turn into a moth and fly to you without hesitation, even if I was burned by you.
Suddenly, the time came to the seventh month of the lunar calendar. After consulting with my cousin, my family was ready to deliver the engagement gift on July 14. According to our local customs, we should send my cousin's family two hundred pounds of pork, two hundred pounds of rice, and two hundred pounds of local rice wine. There are also chickens, ducks, candy, and a few drinks. I don't know from which generation the custom came from, but it has changed. Time witnesses everything, and it will also change something that is out of place with the times.
On the night of July 13, my father was very drunk. I don't know if he was happy or annoyed (the family was poor, and the money for the gifts was cobbled together). The father is drunk unlike others, others are drunk and sleep on their heads, but the father is full of nagging, sometimes lasting until three changes in the middle of the night. From eight o'clock that night onwards, my father's noisy voice kept coming from my ears, and it was still buzzing at eleven o'clock. I couldn't bear it anymore, so I got up and went to his bedside and said, "Dad, if you don't sleep, we'll sleep too, and I'll have something to do tomorrow." ”
"This is my home, I am the head of the family, am I listening to you, or do you listen to me?" (Meaning: Am I the final say or do you have the final say?) ）”
"Yes, you are the head of the family, and under your leadership, what kind of life did our family live?" Mess! "Anger made me lose my mind, and I began to complain about my father's incompetence.
Father was obviously enraged and struggled to get out of bed, but without success. The next words of my father completely buried the happiness that was close at hand.
"What right do you have to count me down?" You've been out and about for two years, have you ever been out? Without me, I'm afraid you won't even be able to get a wife. ”
"Well, I'm not going to be married tomorrow." I don't believe that without you, I can't live anymore. I bit my lip and continued to show my stubbornness.
"Don't pull it down!" The father showed no signs of weakness.
The next day, no matter how much my mother begged me, I was indifferent. After a night of thinking, I convinced myself to give up this short-lived love. Because I'm not ready, I'm afraid to live up to your expectations of me.
The mother had to call her cousin, falsely claiming that there were some ominous omens (superstitious sayings) in the family, and the engagement was put on hold.
I knew my mother was looking for an excuse, and it was bizarre and ridiculous. Sometimes, excuses are like a gorgeous coat, wrapping the heartache that wants to say and stopping, and also hiding the heartbreaking bitter smile.
Later, I kept wandering around, rarely came home, and never saw you again. I heard that you married your cousin from the village and your life has not been satisfactory. More than ten years later, I was passing by my cousin's newly opened auto repair shop, and my cousin pointed to a little boy who stumbled and stumbled at the door and said that it was your child, who was attending kindergarten nearby. Suddenly, I saw that the cuffs of the children's clothes also had the same stains as you did. I can't help but sigh: time has a super magic, no matter how you try to forcibly erase the memory, it will make your heart ripple again in a specific form.
"The past is still like a dream, and it all comes to mind with the wind and rain." Your thin figure quietly lurks in a corner of my heart, even if time can go back, I hope I have never met you.