1, fell asleep by train... I was very anxious and said to the flight attendant: Sister, what should I do if I have sat on the station, what should I do!?
The flight attendant comforted: Young man, don't worry, come, come with me, first make up the ticket.
2, four people playing mahjong, suddenly on fire, they did not notice. The firefighters arrived and shouted inside: How many people are inside? At this time, there was just one person playing a card: forty thousand! The firefighter asked: How many people died? At this time, another person played the card: twenty thousand! The firefighters panicked and hurriedly asked: What about the rest of the people? Only to hear a whoop, followed by a scream: paste.
3, Xiao Wang rented a house, I heard that there used to live a couple, the man killed the woman and sealed it with concrete. At night, Xiao Wang looked at the wall, the more he looked at it, the more he looked like a woman, the more he looked like it, and in a panic, he quickly found a chisel to plan the wall, and after planing for a while, what he saw was actually an eye! Xiao Wang was frightened. The rumor turned out to be true! Then I saw that eye become a mouth: opposite, most of the night without sleeping, chiseling the wall of my house. What to do. what......
The image comes from the Internet
4. One day, the teacher asked the student: Have you ever grown up and wanted to be a teacher? Only Bob in the class did not raise his hand.
The teacher called him up and asked, "Xiaoming, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Bob said weakly, "Teacher, I think... Want to be a principal! The teacher was stunned and said, "Think of the strange beauty, get out!" ”
5. Teacher: Students, if you could turn into a plant, what kind of plant would you like to become?
Xiaohong: I want to become a plum blossom, like it is not afraid of wind and cold.
Xiao Li: I want to become a pine tree, not afraid of wind and rain.
Bob: I want to become a little grass.
Teacher: Huh? Is there anything special about grass?
Xiaoming: Today you step on my head, tomorrow I will grow on your grave!
Teacher: Get out!
6, sister paper: ask you a question: if I go shopping with you to eat, a total of 40 yuan. You eat 5/8 and I eat 3/8, so how much should I pay?
Teenager: 15 yuan, this is also too small pediatric, how can it be difficult for me!
Sister Paper: Hey, you don't have a girlfriend...
7, my mother asked me: "Why don't you go on a date on the weekend?" ”
I said, "No woman likes me." ”
My mother comforted me: "Maybe it's because you're not good enough, if a woman likes you, what are you willing to do for her?" ”
I don't hesitate to think, "Anything." ”
The mother nodded: "Good boy, mother likes you, are you willing to help your mother wash the dishes?" ”
Alas, it is really invincible...
8, friends said: "Cool is handsome and serious, proud is handsome and lonely, beautiful is beautiful and upright, riot is evil, cute is silly and cute, cute is stupid and serious." ”
I asked, "So I am. ”
Friend: "You're ugly one B." ”
Ma Tam, friends!
9, early this morning, I heard my sister-in-law scolding my little nephew: "I am so old that I still wet the bed, I am not ashamed!" ”
The little nephew said indignantly, "The Golden Retriever always runs to my bed to sleep." I pee to let it know that this nest is mine! ”
10, the son and the father shivered in the cold wind of the cold wind and comforted the son: "Dad... Don't be afraid, didn't you tell me that those who have accomplished great things in ancient times must first suffer their minds, strain their bones, starve their bodies, and empty their bodies... It's God who makes us useful! Father was angry: "You little cub shut me up, I failed the exam and was kicked out of the house by your mother, even if I pulled my back, told me to hide private money, now it's good, no one wants to enter the house"
11, "Wife, did anyone praise you when you went out?" ”
"What do you praise me for?"
"Boast that you have the figure of an athlete!"
"Nothing! What sport is my body suitable for? ”
"Lift weights."
12, on the weekend, walking by the river with my girlfriend hand in hand.
Suddenly, she stopped, raised her head slightly, her eyes closed, and the corners of her nose twitched slightly.
I looked at it: this is the rhythm of kissing! I looked at her red lips, muttered, slowly approaching, approaching...
Suddenly, my girlfriend "sneezed" and sneezed a big sneeze at my face...
13, the younger brother today brought four beautiful girls home for dinner, after the meal he sent the beautiful girls away, immediately put his arms around his mother and said: "Mom, of these four girls, you guess which one is the future daughter-in-law."
Mom replied without thinking, "Which one to wear in blue?"
The younger brother suddenly stood up and said, "Mom, how did you know it was hers?" ”
Mom said dismissively, "Because of the four people, the one I hate the most is her." ”
14, two days ago when I came home, I saw that my dad had a few scratches on his face, just scabs,
Out of concern, I asked what was going on, and my father vaguely said that it was a knock on the door, and the mother next to me triumphantly said: I am the door.
15, in the morning to send my daughter to school, I teased her, let her praise me the most handsome. My daughter gave me a blank look and didn't speak, and I threatened her: "You don't praise me for being handsome at noon, I won't allow you to go home for dinner!" ”
After school at noon, my daughter called her daughter-in-law: "Mom, I'm not going back to dinner!" My dad asked a beautiful woman to praise her handsome this morning, and when I gave him a blank look, he got angry and didn't allow me to go home for dinner! ”
16. Teacher: Please be quiet, let's start the class. Who can imitate the sound of an animal?
Bob: Please be quiet, let's start the class.
17, teacher: When Edison was 7 years old, he could use the mirror to reflect the reflection of his mother to operate, and you will not be able to do it in your 10s.
Bob: Edison was a great inventor in his 20s, how old are you this year!
Teacher: Get out
18, nephew to do homework, mother to the side of the tutoring.
"Grandma, what is a hundred times more confident?"
"It was what your aunt looked like before they met."
"What is that called a lost dog?"
"The virtue of your aunt coming back from blind dates."
"What is that called no heart and no lungs?"
"Your aunt actually ate on a blind date."
I......
19. Today, a patient said to me with a heavy heart: "I only have six months to live." I didn't know how to comfort him and said, "It's all right, six months pass quickly, be strong." ”
20, this morning in the company to go to the toilet, the toilet door bolt is broken, I pulled the toilet door, then came a very anxious buddy, directly pull my door, yes, I am trying to force it, he directly pulled Lao Tzu out, I did not wipe my ass and fought with him.