When, age is no longer a card in women's lives?
01
Aging, the collective dilemma of Chinese women
In China, find a random woman, open her mobile phone, and there is a high probability that you will see at least one beauty APP. Take a picture for one minute, p-figure for two hours, all of them are youthful and invincible, without a trace of wrinkles.
The face has become a key object of protection.
According to a domestic "Women's Consumption Report", the most consumed product type after 70, 80 and 90 is beauty and personal care.
I have seen a girl who spends all her monthly salary on skin care products, masks in boxes, and vows to strangle wrinkles in the cradle.
These are not enough, medical beauty, plastic surgery was previously the needs of some people or performing arts professions, but now it has become a national fashion.
A girl who has just turned 20 and is a regular visitor to beauty salons says anti-aging should be done early.
An aunt who is less than 60 years old, who has run anti-aging cards for many beauty salons, said that it is not good now and is preparing to use the knife.
Some research institutions predict that in 2019, China's medical aesthetic market will exceed one trillion yuan, becoming the fourth largest service industry after real estate, automobiles and tourism.
Youth and frozen age have become the collective consensus of everyone on women's beauty and the image requirements for women.
Some people even say that women's career success or not, strong ability or not are secondary, all are not as good as a sentence "You look younger than your peers."
Every time I see someone hype up the word "girly", I can't help but frown, because it implies that there is only one stage of a woman that is beautiful, and that is girlhood.
Society's collective pursuit and praise of girlishness undoubtedly limits the beauty of women to a certain age, and directly erases the beauty of various different postures at other stages.
Behind this is the fear and non-acceptance of aging.
- When talking about marriage, women who exceed the legal age of marriage are characterized as older young women, and those who are not married over 30 years old will be laughed at.
There is also a grandfather who commented on the 34-year-old returnee female master, saying that men are bank cards, they can buy a house if they have money, and women are real estate. But, "You're old, so, you're in the suburbs with this house." ”
- When looking for a job, it is artificially divided into three, six, nine and so on.
It is best to be young and have no children, followed by married and childbearing, and not to be married and planning to have a baby.
When you want to go to a higher level in the workplace and make great achievements, you will also be told that women should not be tossed around at an age, raise children well, have a job to do, and almost get it.
The most frightening thing is that sometimes the malice towards women's ages also comes from the women themselves. When picking a daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law will pay more attention to the age of the woman, and feel that younger people are worthy of their sons.
During the interview, the interviewer will have some concerns about the older woman, worried that she will involve too much energy in family affairs.
In the marriage market, some young women also use their young age to call love rivals or other female competitors: "old women".
It seems that as long as the young one is occupied, other such as education, character, occupation, personality... Can be ignored.
02
age
The Kan'er of a Chinese Woman
People's malice toward aging can be described as vividly expressed in female artists in the entertainment industry.
Just like Chen Qiaoen, who is on the hot search, not because of the work, but because she talked about the situation of the 40-year-old in "Daughters in Love 2".
The age of 40 has become an indelible label for Chen Qiaoen, and the news related to her is almost inseparable from this number:
"40-year-old Jon Chen participates in the love show",
"Where did 40-year-old Jon Chan go",
"40-year-old Jon Chan..."
In addition to age, looks and figure are also under discussion, which is exactly a group of ridicule.
Because of his out-of-shape, Chen Qiaoen was scolded as "old and fat", called "Aunt Chen", and criticized for "dressing up tender".
Jon Chan is not the first female artist to encounter such a difficult situation.
In China, more and more female artists or women in the workplace are facing the barrier of age.
Haiqing once said at a film festival that at this age, many actresses face the embarrassment of not filming, and called on the market to give more opportunities to mesozoic actresses.
The wrinkle-free frozen age seems to be the recognized pursuit of beauty by the Chinese people.
Under this benchmark, "girlishness" has become the key word and has become the goal that countless women strive to pursue.
It seems that only being young is the greatest compliment to a woman.
Zhao Liying, who has just returned to work, was dissed because of a set of spoiler photos, saying that after giving birth to her child, her breasts are sagging, her shoulders are thick and thick, there is no girlish feeling, and she quickly goes home to milk the child.
No wonder some people say that Chinese female artists only have two states in the drama: young girls and old ladies.
The audience does not recognize, the market does not work, the screenwriter and director can not see, so they dare not be old, nor can they be old.
Compared with the struggle of female artists, everyone's tolerance for male artists is much higher.
Fat, like Huang Lei, is pyrotechnic, and even some cute;
Old, like Zhang Jiayi, is manly, mature and stable;
With children, it is growth and accumulation.
Age is just a number for them, and it is rare to see anyone in the news who will add a 40-year-old who and a 50-year-old who is in front of a male star.
As a public figure, female artists let us more intuitively see how harsh and malicious this society is towards women.
03
What makes Chinese women so afraid of aging?
Why can't society accept female aging? And what makes women so afraid of getting old?
Perhaps, we can see some clues in the deeper needs.
This year, Marriage & Family magazine conducted a survey on age anxiety, and more than 90% of the participants were women.
The results showed that 66.5% of respondents said they had experienced anxiety caused by ageing.
There are three main reasons:
- First, fear of losing a loved one.
In their eyes, youth means beauty, and beauty means being loved. If you are old and not pretty, no one will love.
So, I tried my best to make the youth stay forever.
- Second, I am afraid of becoming the kind of low-quality aunt that young people disdain.
As mentioned earlier, the demonization of the big mother, which was originally a necessary stage for every woman, has become the last thing most women want to be.
- Third, I am afraid that getting older will affect fertility.
They are taught from an early age to have children early, late is not good for themselves and their children, and they have no energy to take care of children when they are late.
Let's take a closer look at what is behind these "fears".
- Fear of losing love, in fact, is more afraid of losing the love of a partner.
For historical, cultural, economic and other reasons, for a long time, the value of women has been defined by men.
Finding a good man to marry and passing on his inheritance is the meaning of a woman's life.
Therefore, whether young or beautiful, are the requirements and standards of men. Only by satisfying these requirements can a woman be valuable and worthy of being loved.
But today, such cultural dross has long lost the soil for survival.
Men and women are becoming more and more equal, women are economically independent, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance, and self-improvement have become the spiritual core of more and more women, and the embodiment of self-worth is more diversified, and there are more voices and choices.
You can fight for the love of your heart for yourself, and seek the love of equality, rather than being attached to others.
- Afraid of becoming the kind of low-quality aunt that young people despise.
Why is the big mom low quality? When did big mom become a derogatory term? These misunderstandings and stigmas come more from the publicity and ugliness of the media and film and television.
In film and television works, young and beautiful women are little princesses and little sweethearts, who can sweetly fall in love and be pampered infinitely.
Elderly women, on the other hand, are portrayed as difficult, unreasonable old women with miserable ends.
The media advocates girlishness, if any goddess is old, it will be teased, Wang Zuxian and Zhong Liti have been maliciously attacked.
The advertisement strives to render the horror of aging, exaggerate the anti-aging effect of the product...
- Many women are afraid that old age will affect fertility.
Why is there such a concern? The roots are the expectations of society and the education of the family.
In many families, childbearing is still considered one of the most important values for women.
"If you don't have children, a woman's life is incomplete", so there will be sooner or later birth, it is better to be born early.
Even if some people don't agree with this statement in their hearts, because everyone thinks so, it must be right.
So, forcibly internalized in the heart, it is necessary to have a child.
But now I really don't want to be born, so I am caught in a contradiction.
Traditional concepts, social environment, and media promotion have jointly exacerbated society's prejudice against women's aging, making women constantly internalize in practice and increasingly restrain themselves.
04
Acceptance and permission are the only right way out
However, aging is a natural law and an inevitable development of life.
What we have to do is not to cover up, but to accept it with all our heart.
This kind of acceptance is naturally not easy, and it requires the joint efforts of many aspects, including women's acceptance of themselves and society's acceptance of women.
Each age group has its own unique beauty.
Young girls have the appearance of youth, mature women also have the wisdom of years of precipitation; young people have the courage to be fearless, and middle age also has mature and stable concentration...
Being able to allow each age to have their own posture is a respect for life, but also an inclusion and acceptance of the self.
Of course, this is not to say that women should not pursue youth and beauty, but can choose a more diverse youth on the basis of conforming to nature.
Can be young in mindset, such as constant innovation, trying new hobbies;
It can be inner beauty, such as lifelong learning, the beauty of growing wisdom.
This is not a one-man battle against the world, but requires society to give women more tolerance and support.
Like what:
The change of expectations for women's roles, the diversification of value evaluation systems, the support of family workplaces, the adjustment of public opinion orientation, and so on.
Only the whole society has formed a positive and inclusive atmosphere,
A gesture that truly allows women to freely choose their lives,
Only then can they truly have the confidence to face aging, and then freely choose the way to grow old, so that life becomes more free and life becomes more exciting.
And to achieve this, everyone has a responsibility, whether you are a man or a woman.
May everyone who reads this article be kind to every woman around you, including yourself.