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"First time, good. Second time, okay. The third time, okay. Drying rack, is good. Come, until you repeat it three times. ”
In the afternoon, the sun is warm and bright, and the old people in the courtyard sit around picking vegetables or chatting in the sun on the recliners, all at ease and leisure. On the balcony on the fourth floor, which is only a dozen meters away from them, the 83-year-old grandfather dragged his grandmother to start a day's "examination".
Every day after the lunch break, the doors and windows, furniture, wires, walls, pens on the coffee table, bowls in the cupboard, even yogurt boxes, a few towels on the sink, Grandpa all have to look at and read three times one by one. The objects and rooms that have been seen and read will immediately enter the seal, and they are not allowed to move under any circumstances. Although there was constant persuasion that this action was unnecessary and justified, and although no one could understand the content and main points of his examination, it must be carried out in accordance with the rules. Usually, the check-up lasts from 3 or 4 o'clock until 11 o'clock at night, or even later. During the 8-hour inspection, he often couldn't remember how many times he read it, and he also grabbed his grandmother's sentence that did not follow his specified password verbatim. These mistakes and omissions are regarded as seriously affecting his double insurance system of "handling review", he will be angry, he will quarrel, the inspection will be interrupted, and it will take him a long time to vent and rest before he can continue.
Illustration | Fan Wei
At last year's physical examination, Grandpa's left brain on X-rays was only one-third of its normal size. Severe brain atrophy and depression trapped him in an endless cage of darkness. He refused to take his medicine, refused to be admitted to the hospital, and incurable depression and mania always brought him back to the most unpleasant times in his memory. He lost his parents at an early age and understood very early on that he had to rely on himself to be a man. He grew up alone, did not sink in the predicament, and was admitted to tongji medical university directly under the former Ministry of Health, and the struggle and bitterness in it are completely incomprehensible to our current happy generation. He used to be such a self-reliant and intelligent person, but now he has become extreme and arrogant, relying only on his wife for everything, and he does not choose to speak. The bitterness of childhood and the small friction of his student days have become evidence of the evil of human nature in his words. Ordinary people think that the old age is the most lovely age, but he is completely estranged from the brother who raised him and the elder sister-in-law who once selflessly helped him.
He once loved flowers and wanted to study the flower garden like a senior title. But now, the dead branches that blocked the water pipes, the thick and bulky potted plants, could make his mind constantly fantasize about dangerous scenes one after another. The painstaking efforts that once filled the roof have now become serious troubles and obstacles in his life.
He once loved to read, but the decline and sluggishness of his memory made him feel too nerve-wracking. He went from reading large numbers of classics to merely copying short sentences that comforted him in small books, such as "Man is not for himself, heaven is damned", which is the motto he has repeatedly recited in recent days.
He was competent and attentive. In the winter, when his daughter was born, he specially bought the "Dongfang Hong" brand indoor thermometer; the flu was high, and he asked people around to find a way to airlift back a precious vaccine. And now, his thinking is no longer flexible, his energy is no longer poor, his inability to make him feel frustrated and tired, making him grumpy and angry, he can only regain the authority of the head of the family in all household chores day after day: whether to go out to buy vegetables today, whether the living room window is suitable for opening, where the refrigerator plug is unplugged, this time the washing powder is put together a few spoons... Everything is in great detail, Grandpa must personally direct and devote himself to making the insignificant matters cumbersome and complicated.
Now he is full of resentment towards his family, and he cries and grabs the ground in anger. Unable to control his behavior and mood, he went from a father and a grandfather to a complete stranger to his children. He did not want to be hospitalized or live with his daughters, and only his grandmother accompanied him wholeheartedly every day, carefully taking care of his body and mood.
My friend Amy's family also has this difficult scripture. Her grandmother also suffered from old age depression, scolded her grandfather at every turn, and had many restrictions on her life. Many late nights, Grandpa Amy was forced downstairs on crutches to sit, hiding from his wife's rage. Finally, one day, Grandpa took a car to Shenzhen alone, hoping to go to his son's house to live apart, but he was afraid of being found again by his wife, and he even refused to contact his son in a strange city. Xu was depressed, and Amy's grandfather died early at the age of 70. Before dying, Grandpa still kept telling the family to take good care of the child's mother before he swallowed. Then, Grandma Amy talked about her deceased wife, as if she had forgotten the torture she had once had, and often admonished her children with his last words, and turned her anger to the children who lived with her.
Once in order to separate the two elders, the Amy family once sent their grandmother to a local pension institution. The children delivered soup twice a week and took her out for tea on weekends. I visited Amy with her, the large room, the separate bathroom, the large screen TV, and the crammed refrigerator and a set of utensils that Amy's house had specially added. There are many facilities for the elderly in the room and courtyard, three meals a day, sugar water and boiling water are delivered to the door, many articles and encyclopedias are posted on the walls of the building, and collective activities such as singing, movies, and reading are held several times a week. In many places, you can see the care of the hospital and children, but these can not make the depressed elderly out of the heart.
She was sullen all day, feeling that life was meaningless, asking about her past achievements and happiness, and three or two sentences would talk about unpleasant memories. Often, she wiped tears in the room for no reason, cursed sadly, and the objects were different, but the center was her own tragic life and complaining about everything that fate had brought her. When the old people all gathered together in the courtyard to talk and relieve their boredom, beckoning Grandma Amy to go downstairs together, she smiled warmly and waved her hands to refuse, but quietly told us that she did not like to be with everyone. Like her grandfather, she was almost completely polite and polite to outsiders, but when she turned her face, she suddenly looked like frost.
On the Q&A APP, which is popular with young people, I have searched for questions about "elderly depression", and there have been many related help questions and related popular science questions, and the highest hit is as high as 118,000. Although reports of young people with depression are more common in the news media, the prevalence of depression is actually higher in the elderly.
According to the Who statistics of the World Health Organization, the prevalence of depression in the elderly over the age of 65 in China has already exceeded 16%. In the questions that describe the family's condition and discuss the treatment method, each one is also full of unspeakable and painful. Those elderly who suffer from depression like grandpa may not have the same daily manifestations of the disease, but they are mainly symptoms of conscious behavior and emotional changes.
Stills from Lucky Me
In the early stages of the disease, the elderly may only be slow behavior, memory decline, personality changes, and polyglotting. These seemingly ordinary symptoms are often mistaken for normal manifestations of old age, and family members and the elderly themselves will not be vigilant. After finding out the cause of the disease, the medication and treatment of many elderly people also ended in failure, and the persuasion and methods of those who treated them repeatedly failed and became evidence of "murder" them. As a result, the current situation of many depressed elderly people can only be developed by it, they paint themselves as a prison, this cage, the family can not go in, they can not get out.
Most of the grandparents who were born in the 30s did experience too much suffering in their lives. When they were young, they experienced war turmoil, they prematurely suffered the trauma of family destruction; three years of natural disasters, they were still in physical development, in need of nutrition teenagers; after graduating from college in the 60s, they actively responded to the call of the state, drifted to a backward area far from home and then in the era of extreme lack of material conditions for a long time, they became the pillar of the family, and all their energy could only be poured into maintaining livelihood and caring for their children, and they had no time to pay attention to spiritual life and psychology. Their generation, from birth to old age, has no interest in their lives, no hobbies, and has never let the soul taste the taste of nourishment in diversity.
Compared with our parents who experienced economic take-off, and the post-80s and post-90s who grew up in the honeypot, their generation is extremely scarce in spiritual materials. There are many elderly people, optimistic and kind by nature, although they have been baptized by a lifetime of suffering, they have slowly found a new way of life in retirement and found themselves. But more people, but hindered by personality, or because of a long period of time alone, or because of dementia, brain atrophy and other mental illnesses, their quality of life has declined off a cliff, not to mention to catch up with the new era. They refuse to fit in with things that are full of strangeness, they can't embrace life, they can't accept themselves, they can't face up to their illness. Depression that cannot be treated and controlled in time will cause permanent and irreversible damage to their brains, and will further threaten their physical health. For them, what is serious is not only abandonment by life or times, but more basic and important, their inner exhaustion, mental torture and physical compensation.
Stills from "All Is Well"
Helpless, in addition to them, there are also family. In this struggle without smoke, countless families seem to be carefully dragging their relatives who are deeply trapped in the swamp of depression, and can only hope that they will not sink too deeply and sink too quickly... In addition to facing it squarely, we can only assist with tolerance and understanding, and not let any pain become a straw that hurts depressed relatives, patient partners and the whole family.
Long-term call for papers
We little people
Perhaps in the long river of history and the vast universe, we are just a tiny speck of dust, but in the limited life, everyone is trying to live their own wonderful.
Do you also have a memorable workplace story, or a journey of wandering away from home? The second section of the WeChat public account of "Sanlian Life Weekly" is now open to all readers. Welcome to the manuscript and join us in documenting the little people of this era.
Call for Papers: Us Little People
Originality requirements: Please ensure that the submitted works are their own original works and have not been published on any public platform (including personal public accounts). The works (including pictures) do not contain any forgery, plagiarism, washing of manuscripts and other infringements of others' property rights, portrait rights, intellectual property rights, and do not involve state secrets or other people's trade secrets. In the event of infringement or leakage of a work, the author shall bear all responsibilities. If the direct or indirect economic losses caused to the journal due to the author's infringement and other matters, the journal reserves the right to recover compensation from the author in accordance with the law.
Word count: between 2000 words and 3000 words
Other requirements: the region is not limited, the subject matter is not limited, but it must be guaranteed to be a personal real experience.
Submission Format: Small Character ➕ Title
This theme call will be open for a long time, and the selected manuscripts will be published in the second position of the WeChat public account of "Sanlian Life Weekly", and the authors will receive corresponding remuneration. Please do not submit more than one manuscript, once submitted, it will be modified and sent by the editor of "Sanlian Life Weekly" by default. If you do not get a reply after 20 days of submission, you can transfer it to another place.
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