If someone graduated from the law department of Northwestern University, a famous University in the United States, lived in a mansion of millions, had a beautiful and lovely wife, and a well-behaved and lovely daughter, it should be a rich person, right?
The answer is just the opposite, although he has all this, but the movie "Judge Daddy" male protagonist Hank feels very frustrated: graduated with the first place in the law department, but did not get the recognition of his father as a judge, and even did not attend his high school and college graduation ceremonies; although he was a famous lawyer, his father preferred to choose a rookie and refused to let him defend himself; although his wife was young and beautiful, he had to divorce him; although he was intimate with his daughter, he always could not communicate with his father normally; he returned to his hometown and met his first love. But he knew that he could not stay in his hometown for her; and finally got his father's approval, but in the next moment he lost this dearest relative forever.
This is a story that the movie "Judge Daddy" gives us that is both contradictory and deeply charming. It's a movie that's well worth watching, like a carefully baked cake, carefully coated with a layer of sweet cream and decorated with a layer of fresh fruit... It feels like you can't stop.
A famous lawyer, there is a successful judge father, father and son have not met for more than twenty years because of the misunderstanding, when the father is deeply involved in the murder case, he would rather choose a rookie than let the son serve as a defense lawyer, the two people with the progress of the case, the emotional conflict is more and more intense, and finally the father and son finally understand each other, the son is recognized and affirmed by the father, but the father also left the son forever.
This story is really to show people that true abundance comes from a sense of worth, family recognition, and intimacy
First, true prosperity comes from a higher sense of self-worth
The sense of self-worth refers to a person's stable and mature self-identity, recognition of his own talents and contributions, and a positive external evaluation in society. The external characteristics of people with a strong sense of self-worth are self-reliance, self-confidence and self-improvement; people with a low sense of self-worth are manifested as conceit, self-pity, and inferiority.
The judge's father is a person with a strong sense of self-worth. Even if he had cancer, he was reluctant to speak out in court about his condition to gain sympathy from the judge because he had a strong sense of self-worth. Thinking that as a judge who has been in the town for 42 years, he is the representative of the law, he is the representative of justice, and the news that he cannot allow himself to be ill has affected people's doubts about the fairness of his trial. In his view, the sense of value he cares most about is the positive deterrent effect of the law brought to people, so that people can abandon evil and follow the good and get on the right track.
The judge's father's sense of value is even a little impersonal, even in the face of his own son, there is no room for maneuver. When the son was young and did not understand the law, he could have pronounced a sentence for his son to serve in the community, but chose a more severe sentence - sending the child to the juvenile detention center, which made the son hate him from then on, and he did not return home to see his parents for more than twenty years.
Until my father was suffering from cancer and before he died, he said that last words to Hank, son, you are the best lawyer in my heart. The son truly understood the good intentions of his father all along. All the father does is fear that his son will be young and crazy, go astray, and make a mistake that he can't repay for the rest of his life.
People with a high sense of self-worth have external self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-improvement, and will not be easily affected by the external environment. For example, successful entrepreneurs such as Jack Ma and Dong Mingzhu will not easily change their values in the face of a fiercely competitive environment and difficulties in their careers, and they will show self-confidence, self-improvement, and can make wise choices. This is the embodiment of people with a high sense of self-worth.
Just like the father said to his son more than once in the play, "The law is the only thing that makes people equal", which is also the source of his sense of self-worth, he has always practiced all this with practical actions, and finally won the trust and respect of the people in the town. At the end, the son chose to inherit his father's mantle and stay in the town as a judge, which also shows the son's deep identification and respect for his father.
Second, true prosperity comes from the recognition of family members
Psychology believes that seeking identity, especially family identity, is a basic need of people, in order to ensure psychological "safety" and physical "safety". If you have the approval of your family, especially your parents, it means that you have established a deep sense of connection with your family, you will not feel a deep sense of loneliness and wandering, and at the same time, people will be positively motivated by their own efforts, so that people can be sure that they are valuable and needed by others.
Why is Hank a famous lawyer who is glamorous in the workplace and still depressed when he faces his father? Because in Hank's mind, his father didn't approve of him at all. His father neither attended his graduation ceremony nor was accustomed to his marriage, and questioned his work, all of which made Hank feel powerless and struggling inside. No matter how superior the external conditions are, Hank's heart is like a hole, always looking for opportunities to fill it all. Until my father's deathbed, the two of them came to the lake where they were fishing when they were young, and my father said the words he had waited for decades, and the best lawyer in my heart was you. Hank burst into tears. At this moment, Hank's psychology was complete. The hole was finally filled.
This is an experience that many people have faced. Dong Qing, as a sister of CCTV, said in the face of interviews that when she was a child, she was always very inferior, because no matter what she did, whether she did it well or not, her father was always dissatisfied, and sometimes she began to count her down while eating, and her description of her father was "particularly severe" and "even doubted that she was not her own child". At her worst, she began to cry as soon as she ate, which made her recall the experience as an adult still very painful and frustrating. It can be seen how much the child expects from the affirmation of his parents. And the harm caused to children by the harshness of parents is fatal.
After his father's approval, Hank chose to inherit his father's profession and became a judge, and the accepted person was brave and complete in his heart, and also overcame the long-standing sense of emptiness and powerlessness, found the goal he should strive for, and found the value and meaning of his own existence. After all this, he no longer needs to seek recognition and a sense of strength from the outside world.
Three true affluences come from good intimacy
What really enriches people is healthy intimacy. The intimate relationship here refers more to the relationship between husband and wife. The interpersonal relationships that everyone faces are dynamic and diverse, and on top of these dynamic relationships, the most far-reaching impact is intimacy. For example, at any time, you will care a lot about your relationship with your parents, lovers, and children, which is difficult to change with the change of environment. Intimacy is the foundation of happiness.
Intimacy brings us the greatest satisfaction and happiness, but also the greatest hurt and pain... Everyone who has problems with intimate relationships, the vast majority of them have unfinished business with their parents, and there are great problems with their parents. And in intimate relationships, it is to repeat the problems of childhood and make up for the regrets of childhood.
Hank has a successful career, but his wife wants to leave him, even if his mother is going to die, and his wife wants to accompany him to his mother's funeral, but he still coldly refuses. It can be seen that he does not enjoy this marriage in his heart, but feels very painful and desperately wants to escape. This is not unrelated to the harsh treatment he received from his father since he was a child. Therefore, he only gets the attention and recognition of others by working hard and earning money, but he does not know that running a good intimate relationship needs to slow down and use the other party as his own mirror. When there are complaints and requirements for the other party, honestly face your inner feelings, what you are afraid of, what you are afraid of, and what you need to face, so that you can take care of your inner child and continue to harvest perfection and prosperity.
As the well-known writer Zhang Defen said, all intimate relationships are actually your relationship with yourself, and if you can't give yourself something, you can't give your other half. In the end, Hank was able to really say how he felt when he faced his first love, and the ending did not write whether he had divorced his wife, but in any case, I think he has gained maturity and patience in intimate relationships.
Fourth, life is under the mud and sand, that is, flowers and thorns coexist, respect the original face of life, and accept a complete and unified real world.
For Hank, going round and round, the superficial brilliance is not as good as his father's approval. Why shouldn't we? No matter how successful he is in his career, he returns home eager to get a word of approval from his loved ones. Hank was lucky enough to fulfill his childhood absence before his father died. For many people, it is far from being so lucky. Some people repeat the shortcomings of childhood all their lives, but they have never been recognized by their parents, so what should we do if we are anxious?
First of all, accept yourself and recognize yourself. You have to understand that the recognition of the outside world is ultimately unstable, elusive, and drifting
Floating. Everyone's world can't really be read and understood by others. Otherwise, Bo Ya would not have stopped drumming after the death of Zhiyin Zhongzi. How hard it is to find someone who truly understands themselves! If you want to live a perfect life, you can only continue to learn to accept yourself, recognize yourself, and move forward in cultivation. Miyazaki said very vividly, understand the truth and cruelty of this world, but still willing to accept and try, recognize yourself, just like this life, the next life you may not be in this world. Some troubles, thrown away, there is a chance to be light and cloudy...
Second, empathize with your parents. Rogers, the founder of humanism, once said: "The so-called empathy refers to standing in the eyes of others."
Considering the problem, it means entering the private cognitive world of others and being fully rooted in it. "Acceptance and inclusion are the foundation of intimate relationships and the source of happiness. If you can understand that the true meaning of parenting is the one who brought you into the world, not the one who decided your world. Grateful for everything that parents can give, deep empathy with parents, understanding their grievances and difficulties, understanding their parents instead of complaining about their parents, you can get a sense of ease and understanding.
Also learn to manage intimate relationships. Hank's intimacy has always been terrible, he has been trying to get success in exchange for his father's approval, but he is not qualified for the homework of intimacy. The management of intimate relationships is something that needs to be learned. The hit drama "Who Said I Can't Get Married" Lu Lu's two girlfriends have found the other half, she said that you are all so lucky, girlfriend Tian Lei said, not that we are lucky, it is that we are constantly trying to learn to manage intimate relationships, which is an important ability.
It is like operating a bank account to operate an intimate relationship, constantly depositing understanding, progress, care, and sweetness into the account, so that the account can continue to grow, and in the face of the storm, it can withstand the risk and torture.
Bless you, and thank you for watching the good article with candy.