At the foot of The Ma Pan Yong Wrong Mountain
For those who like to turn mountains, Kailash may be the only way in their hearts.
Me too.
Many people will have such a question, why go to the mountain? Isn't it nice to watch TV and blow air conditioning at home?
When Gao Fu asked me to take a step and vomit once, I was also thinking, why should I come to the mountain?
I may be writing something, there is something wrong with it, always asking myself and not being able to answer questions.
In fact, there is no why, I think, so I just do it.
Before going to Kailash, I had fantasized about many kinds of scenes where I crossed the yakuza, and I bought a prayer flag from Shigatse and wanted to hang it on the mountain when I crossed the yakuza.
I kept listening to the old donkey I met on the road saying that Ali was far away. Just didn't expect it to be so far away.
Westbound Ali
The scenery was beautiful, as I remember tibet.
The state of departure from Shigatse is also very good, a group of four people, two men and two women, I and Ran girl are all Chongqing sisters who love to run blindly, and the outdoor experience is slightly richer.
Although I didn't start running every day to train my fitness as I did when I first turned the mountain. But the schedule of jiu-jitsu training and the state of playing regularly, the self feels that the physical strength can be held.
Our group was only on the National Day holiday, and after consultation, we decided to hurry up and remove all the attractions along the way, with only one goal: Kailash, turning the mountain.
As the altitude continues to rise, we all have different degrees of high reaction. Can't eat, can't sleep, dizziness, headaches, it seems that the common symptoms on the plateau are all playing out in each of us.
The road to Tachin was really too far, but when we greeted the twilight, reached The Foot of Kailash, and even faintly made an appointment to see its face, our hearts were more excited than we thought.
"Actually,
The sacred mountain is just a carrier,
It may represent our inner self,
That real self."
This truth was only understood by me long after I returned from Tibet.
Unlike many travelogues, in this article, you may not see the last Kailash.
Because I failed.
I thought about the mountain for a long time, planned for a long time, but I did not go to the stop heat temple.
When I first started walking, I found that my speed was a little slow, strange, and that kind of slowness was beyond your brain's control.
I filled in the doubts in my mind with "everyone has their own rhythm".
Walking through the prayer flag square, in order to reduce the weight of the backpack, we chose to hang the prayer flag first.
The sacred mountain stands in the distance, and it seems to be right next to you, as if you can touch it with your hand immediately.
Prayer Flag Square
Unfortunately, after reducing the weight of the backpack, it did not make me in better shape, and I had to stop at almost every rest point, and later, it became a two-step stop.
It was a very irritable feeling, thinking that I wanted to hurry forward, but every part of my body did not listen to the command of the brain. Competitiveness began to work again, putting itself in a state of anger and helplessness.
Each time it was gritting my teeth, going forward, biting my teeth again, walking another step. Until later, vomiting on the road. Thinking that he was somewhat experienced among his teammates, he decided to go further.
The hiking pole in his hand slowly became more and more unstable, and the number of vomiting became more and more frequent. When I was sweating, the tears flowed down without hesitation.
Looking back now, that was probably the worst time I was born to now.
About 3 oxygen cylinders were used
I struggled to rest, and I couldn't relieve my headaches with the supply of portable oxygen cylinders. I'm seriously thinking: Do I want to keep going, or do I retreat?
What kind of a problem is this?
When you keep working hard for a goal, you may end up saying goodbye to it yourself.
Have you ever felt that uncomfortable?
I moved to the edge of the bed next to me, tears flowing uncontrollably, as if I was in a state where I could do nothing but cry.
The aunt next to me saw that I was not in good shape and called a yoga teacher they were with, "Maybe meditation can help you."
Although my state did not improve much later, I deeply remembered the teacher's words when he helped me to do meditation: Everything in the universe, you can only accept yourself.
Later, as you probably guessed, we called the last rescue car and withdrew overnight.
I went to the hospital, went into the rescue room, the blood oxygen was as low as 33, and began to infuse and inhale high oxygen.
Dark hands
I should have written about this after I came back. Dragged on until now, more than a year. I found this experience to be an inspirational point in my life.
I used to use strict standards to demand myself, although it seemed to be very pretentious, but I enjoyed myself, enjoying those rather "masochistic" processes, such as reloading, such as getting up at 5:00 a.m. every day, such as strict diet, "perverted" to the point that I drank soda once a year, ate a barbecue once every two or three years, and I used the standard of not knowing where it came from, thinking that this was self-discipline.
I forgot to accept myself.
Kailash's failure to turn the mountain brought me depression for a long time, and in the small half a year after that, I often asked myself, why did I give up at that time?
I would even send messages to friends on big nights: If I pushed myself to death that day, I could finish.
But, when the turn is finished, what then?
Do you really prove that you are strong, or have you made up enough material to send a circle of friends?
Before writing this article, I was still planning to go to the mountain again this year, and when I combed through my past with the words, I changed my mind, and my fate with the sacred mountain may really only go here, not everyone has the opportunity to meet Kailash, I am just the one who has no fate.
In my heart, the unfinished journey will always be in my heart, so that I can always think from the opposite side, if I do this, what I have gained, if I don't have so much, what will I lose.
I don't become a successful person because I turn the mountain once, and of course, I don't become a loser because of a failure.
It's just that when I learn to accept myself, I will be much happier than before, our life is too long, we always have a benchmark to pursue, imitate, all the way to climb, hurry, but forget their original appearance.
A month ago, I moved from Beijing to Hangzhou.
When I left, I was very entangled, like two people fighting, but after the entanglement, I tried to face myself, the vain self.
Many times, perhaps we know clearly in our hearts what we want, but we will always choose to become the person that others want to be for the sake of other people's eyes and others' expectations.
I used to be too, but now I'm trying not to, and I hope it won't be in the future.
At the end of February, back in Huangnan, on the way, I was also thinking about the question that many people had asked, is it useful for you to go back to see them every year?
I don't know, after all, that time, I was also improvised, thinking that they were about to enter the final sprint preparations, and should go to see them.
Huang Nan is like a thorn in my heart, plucking pain, not pulling, it will always be in the heart, occasionally itchy, occasionally think.
I've always felt that the story of me and that place isn't over yet.
Chatting with the kids in the car about whether we would be able to work together if they graduated later. I just learned that they are also looking forward to becoming colleagues with me in the future. I laughed and said, then I'll have to stay in Beijing for a few years.
If you have seen the whole event of #Tibetan Rap before, you will know one sentence: love is a circle
Love is really a circle
After leaving Beijing, every decision I made was like the state I was in when I first graduated, decisive and even a little impulsive.
But the freedom and certainty of me in my early twenties was something I couldn't find in recent years.
I'm happy and I'm back to that stage.
Friends, I may start a new journey to create around the countryside.
I hope to do cultural and creative products around the children's dreams, to do songs, videos, art exhibitions, to create more employment opportunities for my children.
Chengcheng, who is in her twenties, once said that she wants to be a public welfare ecology.
And now, I want to put my dream to the ground.
Why? I thought, so I decided to do it.
Love is a circle, and what each of us is doing right now is also a circle.
I hope that one day, my friends can find the happiest version of themselves inside.
Because, in the end, you just have to be yourself.