Recently, "Sleeping Garden", starring Gong Jun and Qiao Xin, is a hit, and in one case of emotional counseling, Chai Qianyuan is a capable, vigorous, and confident corporate executive, who later gave up her job and returned to her family. Chai Qian, who returned to the family, became a housewife, and she was obedient to her boyfriend, and even if her boyfriend's work was not smooth, she could only swallow her anger. She became less confident and hesitant. She has a lot of big decisions that are influenced by her boyfriend, like quitting her job and turning down job offers from big companies.
What is so terrible that it can destroy a person like this? It was her boyfriend who emotionally manipulated her.
First, what is emotional manipulation?
Emotional manipulation is the act of suppressing the confidence and personality of the other party through intimate relationships and restricting the other party's thoughts, which is a purposeful emotional manipulation. Emotional manipulation will cause the other party to be cognitively destroyed in the case of chronic psychological poisoning. It is not an exaggeration to say that it is a boiled frog in warm water, and it is not an exaggeration to slowly poison it.
Let's see how Huo Lang emotionally manipulates Chai Qian.
1, create encounters and acquaintances, and attract each other with self-confidence to care for warmth, etc.
2, sell misery sympathy, tell the grief of losing family affection, inner loneliness, longing for companionship and love. Using the fairy tales of the lonely little prince and the rose, let the other party feel that they are needed and dependent, so that the sympathetic Chai Qian has the feeling of a moth to the fire.
3, and then began to further manipulate, when she encountered difficulties in her work, did not let her go to work and contact society, Meiming said" because I love you too much, afraid of your hard work, are for your own good." Out of dependence and trust for her boyfriend, she also stayed in the "beautiful fairy tale" with peace of mind.
Chai Qian wanted to plan Xiao Beibei's fan meeting, and Huo Lang did not want her to go, saying that he was afraid that she would suffer
4, In order to make Chai Qian absolutely obedient and inseparable from himself, Huo Lang constantly suppressed Chai Qian's self-confidence, making her doubt herself, denying herself, and thus becoming inferior.
Chai Qian was extremely inferior and depressed, and in Xiao Beibei's fan club, he had an emotional breakdown because of the fans' words
Huo Lang did not approve of chai qian's wedding design and wedding planning
5, when Chai Qian wants to follow his own wishes, to contact friends, to regain his favorite job, Huo Lang shows angry words and deeds, and is aggressive.
Huo Lang forced Chai Qian to cut off contact with Xiao Beibei and refused the job offer of the big company
Huo Lang forced Chai Qian to refuse to associate with Xiao Beibei
Maybe at first I can't tell if it's emotional manipulation or not, everything looks so normal and beautiful, but in the end it makes people have no resistance to it. It's a step-by-step approach.
Is this because Huo Lang loves Chai Qian too much, so he uses emotional manipulation of her?
When you really love someone, does it hit her self-confidence everywhere?
When you really love someone, will you lose your temper with her because you are not happy, scratch her, and make her feel wronged and sad?
When you truly love someone, will you be jealous that she has become better and imprison her?
When you truly love someone, do you block any socializing of her?
This controlling "love" is the result of one's own habits and character, or the act of achieving bad ends, and is unhealthy, distorted and destructive.
Second, how to identify emotional manipulation?
In general, emotional manipulation is extremely secretive at first and will not be so obvious. After you accept, trust, and let go of your defenses, you slowly show it, some of which are more extreme, but the ultimate goal is to implement emotional manipulation.
Find the following signs and run quickly.
1, suppression: everywhere hit your self-confidence and personality, always say that you can't do this, that can't work, you are not good, that is not good, let you inferiority.
2, emotional control: he is not happy, and will never make you happy.
3, moral kidnapping: like to say "I paid so much for you, what should you do to me". Use his moral standards to demand that what you should do makes you feel guilty.
4, self-centered: He only cares about his own joys and sorrows, and wants you to know, to accommodate him. And your joys and sorrows, he doesn't care much. Many times it is, "either I am wrong", solipsism, making you feel that you are not valued.
5, often change your face for a little thing, the emotional contrast is huge: in order to coax you to promise him, any unrealistic exaggeration will be said, and some superficial kung fu will also be done. However, in the same way, sometimes he will act extremely impatient, picky and insulting you. He even jumped like thunder, spoke evil words, roared, and sometimes hurt people. The various degrees of performance vary from person to person.
6, no matter what happens, it will always put the responsibility on you and make you feel wronged.
Third, how to avoid emotional manipulation?
We need to always be sober, firm, equal, independent and confident. No will, no grievances.
1, do not sympathize with their demands.
2, Don't do things against your heart in order to make them satisfied. Even if they catch your weaknesses.
3, don't give up on yourself because of their blows, strengthen your heart.
4, let them know that you will take care of their emotions, but you also have your own emotions.
5. Show them your dissatisfaction with their behavior.
6. Seek counseling and have professional counselors analyze their behavior and drawbacks. Let them know how their words and deeds affect a person.
A healthy relationship between the sexes should be a relationship of mutual respect, understanding and inclusion, mutual achievement, and positive progress. Such a relationship will make each other better.
Of course, no one is perfect, although sometimes because of contradictions and conflicts, use negative words and deeds to express their dissatisfaction and resistance, and sometimes vent anger, but it is also moderate, not too extreme, because mature people will always consider the consequences of measuring their actions before doing things. Afterwards, they are conscious, self-reflective, and they correct their behavior and apologize. Use a better way to resolve conflicts or negotiate. Only when both people have the heart to build a healthy relationship and actively take practical actions can the relationship between them thrive.
If a relationship makes you more and more inferior, more and more doubtful, more and more aggrieved, it proves that you have met a very bad person. The best thing to do is to get out of the way early and regain your self-confidence.
Life is short and life is impermanent. Don't live in the eyes of others, life is your own, be true to yourself, live for yourself.