Text/Poetry Far
The door in the "Door Dang Household Pair" was originally a two-sided stone drum door pillow exquisitely carved in front of the door of the large household, and the four wood carved lacquered gold "Shou" word door hairpins protruding above the door frame were "household pairs".
In the old days, the wealth of large families was not exposed, it was difficult to inquire about the family situation, before the sons and daughters of the two families were betrothed, they generally secretly sent people to the door of the other family to take a look, through the carved ornaments on the "door" to understand the industry engaged in by the other family, if the stone drum engraved with flower patterns, indicating that the house is a merchant family; if the stone drum is plain and has no floral pattern, it is the official eunuch's mansion. As a result, the "door-to-door pair" was evolved into an objective condition for the marriage of men and women and has been extended to this day.
In ancient times, the door was right, mainly economic status, and social status was comparable. Its realization of today's society is also influenced by this idea to a certain extent. There was a news on the Internet that the conditions for blind dates are: the family must have a house and a car, must be a Beijing hukou, how much income must be, and only when these conditions are met can they enter the "interview" blind date stage.
Economic status is still a stepping stone to marriage.
But with the progress of society, according to Maslow's theory of needs, we have crossed the need for survival and begun to develop toward belonging, respect, and self-realization. We gradually pay attention to whether spiritual needs are met.
Therefore, it breaks the traditional feudal thinking of the past, and seeks a partner with the same three views and the same interests and hobbies, so as to get spiritual communication and sublimation, enjoy the happiness of life at the same time, and enjoy spiritual pleasure.
But as long as the three views are consistent, can all aspects be consistent?
Not really.
The ability to seek common ground while reserving differences is important.
Sometimes our teeth will accidentally bite the lip, and our biological parents will sometimes disagree, the same with a person in a completely different living environment suddenly get along day and night, and there are many similarities, there must be friction, there will be contradictions.
If inconsistencies cannot be tolerated, many partners end up breaking up the relationship.
And those marriages that can really go to the end and life is particularly sweet are often marriages that can tolerate each other and seek common ground while reserving differences.
Although Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai are models of love in the twentieth century literary scene, they have had fierce quarrels in public.
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai, who went to study abroad after marriage, returned to China by boat, and they still did not forget to study on the boat, at this time Yang Dai heard that Qian Zhongshu was mispronounced in one pronunciation, so he corrected him, but Qian Zhongshu firmly said: I did not read it wrong! And said that Yang Dai was self-righteous. Not to be outdone, both of them fought each other. In order to know whether it was a mistake, they found a Frenchman who could speak English, and it was indeed a mistake. Yang Dai, who won the quarrel, did not feel joy, but felt that in the two years since marriage, there was a quarrel over a small matter, and she felt that it was not worth it.
Later, they agreed with each other that when they encountered disagreement, they calmed down and could express their own opinions, but they were not in a hurry to seek common ground.
Love marriage, not only flowers before the moon, more is chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, as well as a place of chicken feathers. If two people are willing to accommodate and give in to each other, willing to face the chickens and dogs with a tolerant heart, face the bumps and bumps of life, and use an optimistic attitude to pick up a place of chicken feathers to make a beautiful feather duster, it will surely harvest the most harmonious and harmonious love.
The most important thing between two people is independence and respect.
The ability to deal with differences is important, but then this independence and respect are even more important.
Because when we accommodate, tolerate, and give in, we have all made sacrifices and paid a certain amount of effort and energy. Inevitably, there will be a potential psychology of "I give the most", and when you argue again, you will blurt out "How much have I done for you, and you have done this to me?" "I've paid too, not just you!" ......
I think many marriages encounter the problem of wives complaining that their husbands lie down and look at their mobile phones when they get home. The husband complains to the wife: Isn't it just a meal and a child? ...... How much I have done for this home...
This is also the reason why so many women now prefer to be single at an older age than jump into the siege of marriage, "I am so free to be single, what do I want to do...", "Why should one more person control, and one more person to serve?" ”
So why can't this independence and respect be brought into intimacy, into marriage?
No matter what we do, we should do things as if we were an independent individual, and I do something willingly, responsible for myself, and responsible for others, not to let others return me. When we have such a clear boundary of doing things, we can naturally accept whether the other party accepts our efforts and whether we have failed to pay.
And but do good deeds, do not ask about the future, a truth.
That is to say, we only pay, just care, do not care whether there is a good result, when there is such an independent mature thought, the two people will not carry out moral kidnapping, and naturally get along happily. With ease in getting along, the temperature of natural feelings will rise.
Respect is also based on independence. No matter what the other party does, we fully respect, just think: we are in love, we will not change each other, because the other party is the best at what they do, are the most loved. The reason why we enter the period of blandness, enter the marriage, and become loveless, is because we want to transform each other and make each other what we want to be.
Human suffering usually comes from wanting to change others.
Therefore, in marriage, if we still regard the other party as an independent individual, rather than a private object, fully respect him, naturally we will understand him and support him, and the two people will naturally get along easily, and people are more willing to love each other when they are relaxed.
Going back to the first love period is not impossible.
At last
The door is right, not only the economic status is equal, but also the three views are equal, the ability to seek common ground while reserving differences is equal, and the most important thing is to respect each other as an independent individual, and this ability is quite important.
When the two sides can be so equal together, when the door is right to love, it is natural to harvest easy and harmonious happiness!