Trapped by love, I was cheated on by the scumbag for the first time

Scold me, I was cheated on by the scumbag for the first time, now the scumbag and I broke up for almost three months, I still think of him now, occasionally think of his good, and irresponsible, abandon me, think why I easily believe in men, scold me, I know I should not think about this thing, but that my first time, I do not know how to comfort myself, I have thought of bad ideas before,

But I have a very loving parents, I can't have this kind of thought, the first month of the breakup I can't eat anything, anyway, it's very uncomfortable, I have planned not to get married and not to fall in love, but I want to think about the scumbag who will go to the army later, and there is a new family, I will be uncomfortable, I will have bad thoughts about this, if it were not for school, I worried too much, I really wanted to do this, quickly scold me,

I don't want to be trapped by love, I am only 20 years old, before breaking up with that scumbag I especially want a cute son or daughter, thinking about how to do it when I have a child in the future, how to love my child,

But I don't dare to fall in love now, and I feel sorry for the people I will marry in the future. I'm a sinner and shouldn't live in this world, and I really want a child. But I can't love others to cheat on other people's feelings, I will feel that I am not clean, I do not deserve to be loved,

And I didn't treat others unfairly for the first time, enlighten me! Scold me and tell me not to want a child.

Trapped by love