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Lu Yao said in "Ordinary World": "Life cannot wait for others to arrange, you have to fight and struggle on your own, regardless of whether the result is joy or sorrow, but it is comforting that you have never lived in this world in vain." ”
This view is not too profound for people whose lives are going well, even if their lives are arranged by others, as long as there is no tribulation and no need to make their own choices, they will enjoy it.
And for people whose lives are not so smooth, no one can rely on them, the advice given by others is only advice, can not play any substantive help, many people can only make their own choices, such people are often not willing to let others point fingers at their own lives.
The problem is that when people get along with each other, not everyone can take care of other people's feelings at any time, and there will always be a situation where whether others live better than you or not, they always like to give you advice, or you yourself have treated others like this.
This situation can sometimes be annoying, because the person who is giving you advice doesn't really have something worth your reference, and if he spends too much, you will feel that he is deliberately trying to find fault and deliberately fail to get along with you, just like the recent troubles experienced by the reader below.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Recently, the people around me seem to have discussed it well, whoever sees me will urge marriage, and all of them are a good teacher's tone, and all of them have played the role of people pointing fingers at my life, which is really annoying.
I admit that they do lead me in getting married and having children, but I don't think they've fully figured out marriage and life themselves. If they all have a good life after marriage and children, I have no problem with my marriage, because their lives are worthy of reference for me. However, as far as I know, they did not have a good life after getting married and having children, so they urged me to get married and have children as soon as possible, as if it was very good for me, and I was not willing to listen.
What I can't accept the most is the idea that men don't marry and have children are doomed to old age and have no one to rely on in their old age. I feel like people with this perception are either stupid or bad, they're never responsible for what they've said, in other words, if I had a bad time after I got married, they'd think I deserved it and wouldn't admit that there was something wrong with the advice they gave me.
Outsiders give me such advice, I can do it to ignore it, but my parents and relatives give me such advice, which makes me very embarrassed, because I can't ignore it, and I don't dare to lose my temper with them, although every time I express my views, but it doesn't seem to have any effect, they don't pay any attention to what I say, turn around and forget, and then start to urge marriage.
After listening to their words more, I gradually became less confident, and I had never worried about what would be old and helpless in my old age, but now I was a little worried, as if the unfavorable factors they said would appear in my life. I don't reject marriage and children, but I prefer to be indiscriminate and don't want to be too casual.
Originally I was confident that I could live well in any situation, but now when I think of not getting married and having children, I may be old and helpless, so that I now have no heart to do things, as if getting married and having children is an urgent matter for me, I hate this feeling, I feel that my life is threatened, there is no way to decide for myself, I want to ask how to adjust this state.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Many people at a certain age will more or less experience the kind of problems that the man encounters, especially when your life plan is different from the life plan that your parents think, it is most likely to have different opinions.
To talk about what happened around me, one of my classmates was divorced after getting engaged, lost a lot of money, emotionally also suffered a lot of blows, psychologically some fear of marriage, but when he got along with me, he would still urge me to get married, saying that marriage is a major event in life, saying that he wanted to have his own offspring, and when he said these words, he seemed to forget that he had had an unbearable experience.
In the past, I would argue with people, I would say directly" "you yourself have not succeeded, don't give me advice", but now it will not, no matter what others say, I just listen, how to do my own way, just stick to it. What's the point of breaking it up? What if the quarrel is won? You will never become someone else, others will never be you, it is normal to have different ideas from each other, just listen if you can't hide, and hide away.
If you ask me "Men don't marry and have children, and they are doomed to be old and have no dependence in their old age", to be honest, I don't know, because I have not yet reached my old age, and I have not experienced the fact that I have no dependence on old age. Even if I have experienced it or not, I am not qualified to dictate other people's lives, because I can never replace others to live.
This is very critical, we must not only make suggestions to others, but also remember: if the advice given to you by others can stand up to scrutiny, it is not a bad thing for you to listen; if it cannot withstand scrutiny, it is nonsense, and the left ear is in and out of the right ear.
In addition, since you know that the advice given to you by others is not suitable for you, then live at your own pace, know what you want to do, what to do, don't listen to other people's advice and don't know how to do it, don't know how to do it but just don't do it, so that people will only think that you are an incompetent person who does not listen to people's advice.